CinderellaCinderella, on the scale-a,
gained some weight, oh let me tell ya.
Used common sense
when she found her prince.
How many pounds
has she lost since?
[count until someone messes up]
The C-H-E-A-T-E-R Song
Ol’ Jack Sh*t, sittin' in a car.
C-H-E-A-T-E-R
First comes cola, then comes snacks
Then comes Quadriple XL-sized slacks.
Kookablogger
Kookablogger sits at the old oak desk,
Eating up foods to make him grotesque.
Stop Kookablogger, stop Kookablogger.
If you don’t stop, you’ll be a d*mn mess.
How many days ‘til he changes his ways?
[count until someone messes up]
Teddy Bear
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear turn around,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear touch the ground.
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear do some crunches,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear throw some punches.
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear do a Shred drill,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear run the treadmill.
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear work out for an hour,
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear please take a shower.
Not-So-Tiny Tim
I knew a big, fat Plumpy,
His name was “Tiny” Tim.
He got stuck in his bathtub, and things were looking grim.
He drank all kinds of soda, he ate all kinds of sh*t,
Finally he called in assistance to try and help him quit.
In came the doctor, (jumper jumps in)
In came the nurse, (second jumper jumps in)
In came the lady with Alli in her purse (third jumper jumps in)
Oily discharge on the doctor (jumper jumps out)
Oily discharge on the nurse (second jumper jumps out)
Oily discharge on the lady with the Alli in her purse (third jumper jumps out)
Just wanted to stop by and say a big THANK YOU for following my blog. Especially since it led me to yours! I love your sense of humour and attitude towards your lifestyle change. Keep up the amazing work! I know I will. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and was "Tiny" eating olestra-based products perchance? Ewww...anal leakage.
TC
lol How the heck do you come up with all of these! Crazy funny!
ReplyDeleteDid you see that when I think of JACK cheese I think of you? lol Maybe you didnt make it that far into my post today. lol
Had to skim past the food pics cuz my mouth was watering, TJ, so I missed the shoutout. Thanks for thinking of me when you think of cutting the cheese. :)
ReplyDeleteThis might be the best one yet...in came the lady with the Alli in her purse. You deserve every good comment you get. You are a real gem!
ReplyDeleteYou are so clever! Dude, you really need to write a book. These are golden.
ReplyDeleteI saw that book you recommended In the Defense of Food while grocery shopping. Going to start it tonight. Should scare me away from cheese puffs for the rest of my life, right? :)
Thought of another bad weight loss blog name: Jack Fit, Gettin' Sh*t :P
So, when are you going to write the next bathroom joke book? I LOVE those, not that I read them in the bathroom or anything.....
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Especially love the oily discharge on the doctor...he probably deserved it.
ReplyDeleteOh my God, you are hilarious. I'm crying I laughed so hard!
ReplyDelete