The Cat in the Fat Comes Back

“I know some good games 

We could play,”
Said the Jack.
“I know some new tricks,” 

Said the Jack in the Fat. 

“A lot of good tricks.

I will show them to you. 

Your weight might go down
If you do as I do.”

But the Flesh said, 
“No! No!
Make that Jack go away!

Tell that Jack in the Fat 

You don’t care what you weigh! 

He should not be here. 

He is not very wise. 

He should not weigh in
On the size of your size!”

“Now! Now! Have no fear. 

Have no fear!” said the Jack. 

“My tricks are not bad,” 

Said the Jack in the Fat. 

“Why, we can have lots of good fun,”
The Jack states, 

“With a game that I call UP UP UP
With some weights!”

“Put those down!” said the Flesh. 

“This is no fun any more! 

Put them down!” said the Flesh.

“I DON’T wanna be sore.”

“Have no fear!” said the Jack. 

“You will be less sore soon. 

You’ll be like a butterfly out the cocoon. 

With muscles on muscles,
You’ll be over the moon.”

“Look at you! Look at you now!” said the Jack. 

“With lean muscle all over your arms, legs and back! 

You can hold up TEN pounds. 

You can hold up ten more!

You can do lots of reps,
And you seldom get sore!

And look! 

You can climb up four flights of stairs,
Which helps when the elevator’s down for repairs. 

But that is not all! 

Oh, no. That is not all…

“Look at you! 

Look at you!

Look at you NOW! 

Sporting a body that makes folks say “Wow!” 

You can lift up more weights,
And run miles at a time.

Chin-ups you do now and hills you can climb. 

You can pick up a child 

And not throw out your back. 

You can exercise freely 

Like your buddy Jack. 

You can hike really far,
You don’t laze on the sofa 

With a pizza and beer 

As you slip in a coma!

You are strong as can be,
This is your life, you know.
It is time to get fit now.
Let’s get up and go!

The Cat in the Fat

The sun did not shine,
hadn’t shined in a bit,
For the fellow the blogging world
knows as Jack Sh*t.

He sat there so sadly.
He sat there unhappily.
And he said, “How I wish I didn’t eat
quite so crappily.”

Too big to go out
And too fat to play ball.
So he sat at his desk
and did nothing at all.

And all he could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
And it left him feeling
Like a big lump of sh*t.

And then
Something went bump!
How that bump made him jump!

He looked!
Then he saw it pop onto his screen.
A web site
On weight loss and low-fat cuisine.
And it said to Jack,
"C’mon, let’s break this routine.”

"I know you are chubby.
And there’s work to be done
But you can drop poundage
And still have some fun."

"Have no fear!" said the site.
"I will not let you fail.
I will give you new confidence
when you stand on that scale."

"In order to lose weight,
There’s two things you must do.
And I call these two things
Thing One and Thing Two."

"Thing One is 'eat less'
Stuff less food in your mouth.
Cuz what goes in up North
Often winds up down South."

"'Exercise more' is Thing Two
And please don’t forget.
You won’t dump the plump
without sweating some sweat."

"Follow Thing 1 and Thing 2
And you won’t stay a fat hog.
Why, if you wanted to you could
Write your own blog."

"Chronicle your journey
as you step away from the abyss
Fill it with wisdom
(and a few stupid lists)."

So I vowed to eat right,
I started to move.
And soon I was in my own
little weight-losing groove.

And my blog’s doing great.
I may never get rich,
But it seems to have found
its own special niche.

So this cat’s on his way,
He just won’t ever quit.
You can follow his story
(Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit).

I hope you enjoyed this,
All silly and Seuss-y.
But I may need a lawyer,
When somebody sues me.