An Unexpected Guest

There’s one thing about Tony (“The Anti-Jared”) Posnanski, and I think he’d be the first to tell you this if he were here: he does not understand the whole guest post thing. Just like he does most days over at his place, Tony brings you an experience you’re not expecting. He zigs when, quite frankly, you’re expecting some sort of zagging. The perspective he has on what we’re all going through is incredibly unique, because few of us have fallen lower or risen higher during our own journeys. I’ve never met the man, never shaken his hand, never spoken to him on the phone, but I’m proud to call Tony a friend.




I really do not understand the whole guest post thing.

In all fairness, I do not understand a lot of things.

Actually, I am writing this at 11:30 on a Saturday night. I am waiting for my son to wake up so I can give him his nightly feeding so I can go to bed. I have to work early on Sunday. The good news is I can wear jeans!!!!

I guess I just want to tell Jack “thank you”. Since he started blogging a few months ago, he has energized me. I love reading his posts. Some hit me hard, some make me laugh. Some are extremely long so I do not read them (I have a short attention span) and… well, I forgot what I was talking about.

Oh yeah. Jack has made me a better blogger.

A few months ago I commented that he should do a song parody to “Walking in Memphis” by Marc Cohn (if you say you like the Lonestar version better, well, don’t say it!)

Well, he never did, so I thought I would do a chop version of it. Like he was singing it.

I am sorry, Marc Cohn

Put on my blue wrestling mask,

And I sat down to blog. 

Commented on almost every weight loss blog,

In the middle of my silent post.


T.J. Booboo -- won't you cook something for me?

Yeah I got a lot of followers,

But I'm as happy as a WW member can be.



Then I'm blogging in Memphis.

Blogging with Anita and Pisa playing checkers.

Blogging in Memphis,

But do you really know how great you make me feel? 



Saw the ghost of Mizfit 

On Blogher Avenue.

Commented her up to get a free giveaway, 

But Jen beat me right through! 

Now Notjustcelery did not comment;

She already had a BOSU ball.

But there's pair of New Balance shoes

Waiting for the Sh*t…. 

I’ll send Miz my address. 



Blogging in Memphis.

Blogging with Anita and Pisa playing chess.

Blogging in Memphis,

But do you really know how great you make me feel?



I’ve got weigh-ins every Sunday.

I’ve got song parodies throughout the week. 

And inspirational posts… I’m glad to write those.

You may think you haven't got a prayer,

But boy, you've got a friend in Memphis.



Now Pastaqueen writes 
Everyday on her fantastic site,

And they brought me down to see her 

And they asked me if I would --

Write a post about movies
That kind of had a weight loss theme to them
(Ex. “Tootsie” Roll, Field of Drumsticks)

And I wrote with all my might. 

And she said -- 
“Tell me are you a weight loss blogger?”

And I said “Jenette, I am tonight.” 



Blogging in Memphis.

Blogging with Anita and Pisa playing Scrabble.

Blogging in Memphis, 

But do you really know how great you make me feel?



In all seriousness, Jack is a one of a kind. I am glad he is blogging, and I am proud to call him my friend. As much as I help people, he probably has no idea how much he has inspired my blog over the last year.

You will always have me as a follower.

The Mizard of Miz (Part 4 of 6)

Early the next morning, Dina, Jack and the Ton-Man were making fairly good time as they made their way down the Yellow Fit Road.

“I said to get downwind from me, you smelly sh*tcrow!” yelled the Ton-Man, shoving Jack back.

“Well, you don’t have to be so mean, you mean meanie,” exclaimed Jack. “What is it, Dina?”

“Do you hear crying?” asked Dina.

“Weren’t we supposed to do the ‘Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My’ song?” asked Ton-Man.

“We’ve gone way over budget,” said Jack. “Look, over there. A giant hairy dude crying like a baby.”

“Yeah, I heard he lived around here,” said the Ton-Man, nodding his head. “It’s the Cowardly Liar.”

“Oh hell no!” said Carlos, drying his eyes. “I let you rag on me in that League of Extraordinarily Fat Gentlemen series, but I’m not participating in this travesty. No way. No how.”

“So you say you’re looking for some mojo?” asked Dina.

“What?” asked Carlos, a confused expression on his face. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Well,” said Ton-Man. “Maybe the Miz can give you some mojo and get your weight-loss journey back on track.”

“What the f*ck are you talking about?” asked Carlos. “Is that you, Dina? I had a fantasy about you in a Dorothy costume one time, but now you’re gone and ruined it forever.”

“I’m sure the Miz could help find your lost mojo,” smiled Jack.

“Look, stinkwad,” barked Carlos, poking the sh*tcrow in the chest with his finger. “I said I’m not a part of this, and I meant it.”

“We’ve just got to cross the Poppy Fields and we’ll be there,” said Jack.

“Poppy fields?” smiled Carlos. “Okay, I’m in.”

We’re off to see the Mizard,
The Marvelous Mizard of Miz.
We’ll find she is a fitness whiz.
Yes, that’s the kind of a whiz she is.
If ever oh ever a Wiz there is,
The Mizard of Miz is the best one there is.
She is, she is, she is, she is, she is.
Because she’s simply the best in the biz.
We’re off to see the Mizard.
The Marvelous Mizard of Miz.

x

The Mizard of Miz (Part 3 of 6)

Dina Gail and Jack the Sh*tcrow were in reasonably good spirits until they found themselves in The Incredibly Creepy Forest.

“There’s something about this place that stinks worse than you do, Jack,” said Dina apprehensively.

“Oh, there’s nothing to worry about until it gets dark,” smiled Jack. “That’s when the killer vampire bats come out.”

“It’s already dark, dumbass!” shouted Dina.

“DON’T YELL!” screamed Jack. “THAT’S HOW THEY FIND YOU.”

Suddenly, the night air was filled with the beating of leathery wings. Hundreds of killer vampire bats circled above the travelers.

“DON’T WORRY!” yelled Jack. THEY WON’T BITE US. THEY DON’T LIKE THE TASTE OF POO!”

“I’m not full of crap like you, Sh*t-for-brains,” said Dina, swinging her basket of empty burger wrappers and juice boxes to fend off the rabid bats.

Then, a blinding white light flooded the forest. The intense flash spooked the hoard of bats and sent them scurrying away.

As Dina, Rikko and Jack stood in the road, trembling, a short, clanking figure slowly moved toward them.

“Five bucks says he’s made of tin,” said Dina.

“Hi,” said the hoodie-clad bodybuilder. “Some people call me the Anti-Jared, but you can just call me the Ton-Man.”

“Ton-Man?” asked Jack.

“Yeah, short for Tony. Sorry about that light. I accidentally shined my flashlight off my head.”

The Ton-Man pushed back the top of his hoodie to reveal a completely bald head. He noticed Dina and Jack’s uncomfortable looks and proceeded to burst out in song…

When a man's an empty hoodie,
He shouldn’t be uneasy, should he?
And yet I just don’t care.
I wouldn’t be such a screwball.
Wouldn’t look just like a cueball,
If I only had some hair.

I'd be tender, I'd be easy.
Never let it get all greasy.
I’d see a stylist named Pierre.
I wouldn’t pull, dye or dull it.
Wouldn’t wear it in a mullet,
If I only had some hair.

Picture me a balcony,
Below a voice sings well.

(Prince)
Throw down your hair, Rapunzel.

(Ton-Man)
I have long locks… that rocks!

I would be on a true mission,
I’d shampoo and I’d condition,
And live my life with flair.
I wouldn’t take any mo’ flack.
Co-workers wouldn’t call me Kojak,
If I only had some hair.


“Miz?” Dina asked Jack.

“Miz!” smiled Jack. “The Miz can totally get you some hair, dude.”

“You’re full of sh*t,” said the Ton-Man.

“It’s true,” confirmed Dina. “She’s very powerful.”

“No, I mean he really smells bad.”

“Yeah, just keep him downwind,” said Dina.

We’re off to see the Mizard,
The Marvelous Mizard of Miz.
We’ll find she is a fitness whiz.
Yes, that’s the kind of a whiz she is.
If ever oh ever a Wiz there is,
The Mizard of Miz is the best one there is.
She is, she is, she is, she is, she is.
Because she’s simply the best in the biz.
We’re off to see the Mizard.
The Marvelous Mizard of Miz.

“That was kinda short,” complained Dina.

“Hmmmmmm,” replied Jack. “Well, we’ll go ahead and do Part 4 this afternoon.”

x