Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Cooking with Jack: Sweet-Ass Potato Pie

Hello ladies. I'm Jack from the world-famous interweb cooking show "Cooking with Jack". Something is wrong with my laptop's camera, so (though you may not be able to tell it), I'm using replacement images to illustrate my rendition of TV cooking star Alton Brown's rendition of  "Sweet Potato Pie".

First, grab a couple of sweet potatoes. Speaking of which, a bonafide miracle happened to me one time. I found a sweet potato that looked exactly like a regular potato and tasted exactly like a regular potato. I wanted to contact the news stations, but my wife Anita insisted that a regular potato had just fallen into the sweet potato bin. That woman simply doesn't believe in miracles! Anyway, peel and cube those suckers...

...and then place them in a steampunk basket with simmering water that is no closer than two inches from the bottom of basket. Wait, I read that wrong. Use a steam basket instead; that'll probably shave some time off this recipe since you won't have to scour eBay like I did.

Steam those bad boys over medium high-low heat for about 20 minutes, until they get nice and tender. Then take them from the stove and mash them. If at all possible, use a funny novelty masher. 

The process should look something like this... 

Preheat oven to this many degrees.

 Now you'll want to get a mixer and start adding in the other ingredients.

Add oen and one-fourth cups plain yogurt.

Three-quarters cup of packed, dark brown sugar.

 Five egg yolks (preferably from chicken eggs).

Toss in 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon.

Add 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg (did you know this is where nutmeg comes from?
I thought it just came from the grocery store).

Dash (or dashlet) of salt. Before Biblical Judaism ceased to exist, salt was mixed with animal sacrifices. This originated from Moses in Leviticus 2:13 which states: "Whatsoever sacrifice thou offerest, thou shalt season it with salt, neither shalt thou take away the salt of the covenant of they God from they sacrifice In all thy oblations thous shalt offer salt. It's pretty good in pie, too."

Beat it. Beat it until smooth.

Now at this point, I would tell you to make a pastry shell, but Alton and I know just how lazy you are, so take one (9-inch) deep dish frozen pie shell. Lazy, lazy, lazy. Anyway, pour your batter into the pie shell and place onto a sheet pan. If you don't have a sheet pan, you can substitute a bedspread pan. 

Sprinkle the top with one cup of chopped and toasted pecans.
And don't call them "pea-cans"; I hate that!

 Drizzle a tablespoon or so of maple syrup over the top.

Bake for 50 to 55 minutes or until the custard reaches 165 to 180 degrees (just stick your finger in there and see if it's 165-180 degrees). Take out and let cool.

If you did everything right right, it should look like this after your family sees it...

 Next on "Cooking with Jack": probably something with dogs (no, not dog recipes, you freak!). And as Alton Brown says at the end of every show, "Peace out, girl scout!" (I'm guessing there because I may not have ever seen it). 


  1. easier-get it at the grocery store...but not as funny

  2. "Five egg yolks from the ovaries of a high class hooker".
    Why didn't you use those eggs instead, Jack?

    Ps. Halle Berry is actually "light" brown sugah variety. ;)

    1. Yeah, I agree with you about Halle but my crippling laziness, as it so often does, took over...


  4. Sorry! I'll be one of those 'pea-cans' people. It's the way we pronounce it here in the antipodes ;)



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