Insert Compelling Headline Here...

Weight drops keep showin’ on my scale,

And now I’m a guy who’s feelin’ less like a huge whale. 

Pants are gonna fit.

Those weight drops keep showin’ on my scale, they keep showin’…



So I just did me some talkin’ out on Twitter,

And I said I really like the way I’m getting fitter

‘Stead of just a blob.

Those weight drops are showin’ on my scale, they keep showin’…



But there’s one thing I know…
The times I’m feelin’ eat-y won’t defeat me.
Now you don’t need a chair reinforced with steel to seat me.
 


Weight drops keep showin’ on my scale.

But that doesn’t mean the only thing I eat is kale.

Well, a little more kale for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the gains by complainin’
I just eat clean.

And nothin’s worryin’ me/

[trumpet]

It won’t be long till healthiness steps up to greet me.

Weight drops keep showin’ on my scale.

But that doesn’t that I’m not scared to fail.

But failin’s not for me.
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the gains by complainin’

Because I’m free
.
Nothin’s worryin’ me
(Except possibly a vacation where I overdo it and gain a bunch back).

THE DAILY SCALEY

New routine for morning weigh-in: stop, drop and roll!

Jack Sh*ttiday & the Fatpants Kid

Kid: Dammit! I’m hungry!

Jack: Well, the way I figure it, we can either diet or give. If we give, we go back to being obese.

Kid: I’ve been there already.

Jack: But if we diet, we may get starved out. Or we’ll get too weak to work out. Might even get malnourished and get sick. What else can happen?

Kid: We could eat what we want and lose weight, but I wouldn’t count on that.

Jack: Kid, the next time I say let’s go someplace like Weight Watchers, let’s go someplace like Weight Watchers.

Kid: Next time. (pause) Ready for lunch?

Jack: No, we’ll exercise…

Kid: Like hell we will.

Jack: No, it’ll be okay. If we don’t try to bench press too much and get squished to death. It’ll build muscle and help burn fat faster.

Kid: How do you know?

Jack: Would you work out if you didn’t have to?

Kid: I have to and I’m not gonna.

Jack: Well, we got to, otherwise we’re not ever gonna lose these extra pounds. Come on…

Kid: Just one donut, that’s all I want.

Jack: Come on.

Kid: Uh uh

Jack: We got to!

Kid: Nope! Get away from me!

Jack: Why?

Kid: I don’t wanna go!

Jack: You wanna diet?

Kid: Do you?

Jack: Alright. I’ll work out first.

Kid: Nope.

Jack: Then you work out first.

Kid: No, I said.

Jack: What’s the matter with you?

Kid: I CAN’T SWIM!

Jack: Bwhahahahahahahaha. Why, you crazy! The gym doesn’t even have a pool, dumbass!