Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Slimshank Redemption

Jacky: You think you’ll ever get to goal weight? 

Red: Yeah, one day when I’ve got a long white beard and two or three marbles rolling around upstairs… I’ll get there.

Jacky: Tell you where I’m gonna go when I get there… Healthyiwanttobeoh.

Red: Is that a Mexican restaurant?

Jacky: It’s more of a state of mind than a place. You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific?

Red: No.

Jacky: They say that it’s the largest of the Earth’s oceanic divisions, extending from the Arctic in the north to the Southern Ocean (or, depending on definition, to Antarctica) in the south, bounded by Asia and Australia in the west, and the Americas in the east.
Red: What does that have to do with anything?

Jacky: Nothing, really. I just want to spend the rest of my life learning to eat more nutritional foods and enjoying a healthy and active lifestyle.

Red: Healthyiwanttobeoh.

Jacky: Place like that I could use a man who knows how to get fit.

Red: I’m not sure I’m ready for that level of fitness, Jacky. I’ve been overweight most of my life. I’m an instant gratification man now.

Jacky: Well, you underestimate yourself.

Red: I don’t think so. In here, it’s pretty easy to control caloric intake, sure. But outside… there’s all those fast food places, all those fancy sandwiches. Hell, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Burger King Triple Whopper with Cheese… sh*t, that’d scare me to death, something that big. 

Jacky: Me, too. I didn’t lose all this weight just to turn around and gain it all back. Whatever mistakes I’ve made, I’ve paid for and then some. That life, that healthy future, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Red: I don’t think you ought to be doing this to yourself, Jacky. This is just a crappy pipe dream. I mean, good health is way the hell down the road and you’re right here and that’s the way it is.

Jacky: Yeah, right. That’s the way it is. It’s down there and I’m right here. (dramatic pause) I guess it comes down to a simple choice: get busy eating or get busy dieting.


  1. Healthyiwanttobeoh is where I need to point my compass too!

  2. I read this post using Morgan Freeman's voice in my head-- and it dramatically increased my enjoyment. Tremendous respect and admiration for your humor and endless talents. You're the best. Haven't found a post from you in a few days--it's rare, hoping you're on vacation with the Sh*ts.

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