Mind Games

Mind Games

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, which I call "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday because if I called it "The Best of Jack Sh*t", I'm pretty sure none of the posts would actually qualify. This piece actually has a pretty wise point but it's completely covered up in nonsense, much like a salad topped with hot fudge. Sorry, I'm fantasizing again...

I firmly believe that 90% of this weight-loss business is mental, and that if you can win the battle with your brain, your chances of success are a great deal higher.

With that in mind, here are some mental “games” you can play to help keep you dialed in and focused on the task at hand…

• When you’re at the gym, pretend that one of the other people there is a murderer. Ask questions to the people around you and see if you can guess who it is (hint: the murderer likes the treadmill).
• Try e-a-t-i-n-g in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n.
• Whenever you’re in a restaurant, imagine disgruntled, low-paid employees are in the back spitting on your food (if it helps you, there probably really are disgruntled, low-paid employees in the back spitting on your food).
• You = Godzilla. Baby carrots = screaming Asians.
• Give yourself a point every time you don’t eat a corn chip.
• You’ll get a better workout from a highly motivated personal trainer, so before your session, inform your PT that you just keyed up his or her car.
• Think of yourself as a real-life Ms. Pac-Man; you should eat healthy food (like cherries) and go running every day (so ghosts don’t catch and kill you).
• Every time you get an email, drink an 8 oz. glass of water.
• Imagine that fresh ripe succulent fruit is something delicious instead.
• Work out with your imaginary friend Sergio and his pet Chihuahua Miss Tizzy.
• Run a mile every time you use a swear word.
• It’s more exciting if you think of your salad as actually being in 3-D.