Do the Opposite of What I Say

I don’t know why, but it’s easier for me to write stuff that’s the absolute opposite of what you should be doing than just continue preaching to the choir.

• Treat working out like a job; call in and pretend to be sick when you don’t feel like going.
  
• When you order a piece of cake, remember to ask for the frosting on the side.
  
• Try not to drink more than one beer at a time.
  
• Sex can burn over 300 calories per hour, so try to have at least six hours of it a day.
  
• Don’t be intimidated by the fitness equipment; the worst that can happen is that you look foolish… or the weights fall while you’re doing chest presses and you crush your larynx.
  
• Interval training is a great way to build up your stamina, so run one step, walk one step, run one step, walk one step….
  
• Regular kettlebells are kind of heavy, so you should probably start off with inflatable kettlebells.
  
• A slice of cake is kind of high in calories, but they don’t specify how big the slice can be. Go crazy!
  
• It’s important to get plenty of sleep every day… at least that’s what you should tell your boss when he catches you napping in your cubicle.
  
• Calcium is important to maintain bone density so try to drink a glass of milk or blue cheese dressing every day.
  
• The baristas at Starbucks will tell you the nutritional information of your favorite coffee drinks if you ask, so for God’s sake–don’t ask!
  
• Each day, try to work in 3-4 servings of fresh fruit or fruit-flavored candy.
  
• Drinking water is a key component to weight loss, so try to drink at least a gallon while you’re swimming laps.
  
• Blogging is important to maintain accountability; if you haven’t got time to create new content, just copy and paste some from somebody else’s blog.