Signs You’ve Got a Bad Personal Trainer
Makes you do jumping jacks in the parking lot for an hour
- Keeps calling you “Bootylicious”
- Eats three caramel apples during your session
- Lots of self-done tattoos
- Not sure what a “bicep curl” is
- Dresses in an official Star Trek uniform
- Tells you last job was as Wac-a-Mole operator for traveling carnival
- Thinks “Gluteus Maximus” is “that dude in the Gladiator movie”
- Spends first thirty minutes of session trying to convince you that professional wrestling isn’t fake
- Asks you to hold the funnel while he pours tequila into water bottle
- Carries clipboard, but only thing on it is a beat-up copy of Hustler magazine
- Claims to have gotten personal training degree from The University of Harvard
- All former clients have passed away due to mysterious circumstances
- Loves to encourage you by speaking “baby talk”
- Holds sessions in his trailer
- Sits down on your stomach in the middle of your bench press
- Schedules six people at the same time
- Offers to be paid in Crystal Meth
- He advertises on Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit
Wait...are you sure they are not supposed to call you "bootylicious"?
ReplyDeletehaha I wouldn't be able to resist myself if he ate 3 caramel apples - one would be mine!
ReplyDeleteI think I would quite like to be called Bootylicious actually... :)
ReplyDeleteSay, did you get this picture off the cover of the Feb. 2009 IDEA Fitness Journal magazine? I write for them! Anyway, this blog isn't silly enough. Guess you'd better keep writing!
ReplyDeletehttp://funandfit.org
There's some motivation to get back to the gym... I think? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming this isn't the kind of trailer you are talking about
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mobilefitness.net/home.html
wrestling is rigged..WHAT? I mean WHAT??? ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou know you have a bad personal trainer when, after you're through, he pats you on the back and says, "Now let's go get dessert."
ReplyDelete@Losing Weight
ReplyDeleteI think it's OK as long as he doesn't pat you on your "bootylicious" butt.
Tells you "You're perfect just the way you are!"
ReplyDeleteAnd all this time I thought tequila was helpful in a post workout margarita. You know....replenishing salt and all. ;)
ReplyDeleteRae
:-) Are you speaking from experience???
ReplyDeleteWell personally I love when my trainer calls me bootylicious. It distracts me from the fact that he has no idea what he's doing!
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought my trainer was just a bit over the top when he asked to store his bong in my locker. After reading this, he's looking pretty good...
ReplyDeleteLove,
Jill
I am so glad I don't have a trainer. And you are a rock star!
ReplyDeleteWHAT? “Gluteus Maximus” was not that dude in the Gladiator movie?
ReplyDeleteWhere do I sign up? I want a trainer like that.
ReplyDeletelolol....paid in crystal meth...what about paid in chickens? Now that's just creepy.
ReplyDeleteI´m thinking about becoming a personal trainer.
ReplyDeleteNo caramel apples (during the session)
No tequila
What do you mean, Gluteus Maximus wasn´t in Gladiator? Wasn´t he the bloke with the fancy sandals?
.....
Think I got it!
Thanks for the tips
(love your blog)
XX
ha!! that is GREAT!
ReplyDeleteWell duh a good trainer would use vodka because you can not tell the difference between that and water duh!
ReplyDeleteDamn...now I want a caramel apple...
ReplyDeleteSee, that's why I leave the personal trainers alone...
ReplyDeleteNo wonder having a personal trainer didn't work for me! I might have liked him better if he'd had tequila to share. On second thought, probably not. :)
ReplyDeleteI personally would pay my trainer more to call me Bootylicious.
ReplyDelete