Friday, November 27, 2009

Product Review: Nutra-Trim Gum

After I ticked off the POM Wonderful people (personally, I think they took the phrase “purple urine” completely out of context), I figured I was out of the product-review business for the foreseeable future. It was disappointing because… hey, who doesn’t want free stuff sent to their house?

So I read the reviews other bloggers did and I died a little bit inside each time. Why, oh, why did I boot my chance to score free swag and get softball topics for blog posts at the same time? All it would have taken for me to get on the freebie gravy train was an “Oh, this product is wonderful!” and “Oh, that product is the greatest thing since sliced beer.”

Then, I got an email for somebody wanting to send me something for nothing and then let me write anything I want about it. Bwahahahaha! Suckers! Fools! Nitwits! The fine folks at Nutra-Trim shipped a huge packet of appetite suppressant gum for me to review.

I sharpened up my carving knives and sat down to type…

Then I sat back and thought about it. First, was it fair for me to savage a product merely for entertainment purposes? Was it right to blast it with both barrels just to get a laugh? Was it fair to write a review without even trying the product?

Okay, hmmmm, we have some appetite suppressin’ gum from Nutri-Trim here, which I surmise from the name is “nutritional” (or perhaps “nutrim-tional”). It’s purpose is to help you lower cravings for food. Infused with Green Tea Extract, L- Carnitine and Chromium Picolinate (natural and naturally-occurring elements that increase and regulate metabolism), I found Nutra -Trim to be incredibly green-teaful, very l-carnitinish and just a wee bit chromium picolinatey.

I bit into a couple of pieces and strapped myself in for the rush, waiting for my metabolism to reach max G-force velocity. Then I noticed the oddest sensation: I wasn’t the least bit hungry. Then I came to a sudden realization: I wasn’t hungry because I was in the middle of lunch. I made a note to postpone my gum-testing until later in the afternoon.

As I resumed the test, I took note that Nutri-Trim comes in three flavors: Berry, Spearmint and Trout (may have imagined that last one). These little babies come in at 2.5 calories per piece and are SUGAR FREE! They're also CAFFEINE-FREE (except for the caffeine that’s naturally in green tea) and contain no EPHEDRA (which is good because side effects of EPHEDRA include nausea, headache, dizziness, stomach irritation, diarrhea, anxiety, psychosis, kidney stones, tremors, dry mouth, irregular or rapid heart rhythms, heart damage, high blood pressure, restlessness; nervousness, sleeping problems, flushing, sweating, increased urination and decreased appetite. I know, you’re like me: you read that mile-long list of side effects and came away thinking “Decreased appetite, huh?”).

So let’s examine what makes Nutri-Trim so super-fantastic. Hmmmmm, Chromium. I read somewhere that chromium picolinate complex causes chromosome damage in hamster cells, but I don’t have any hamster cells (that I know of), so no harm there.

There’s also L-Carnitine, and I read somewhere else that L-Carnitine and supplements listing L-Carnitine are banned from sale in Canada, but I’m not Canadian, so that’s okay for me, too. It’s a “quaternary ammonium compound synthesized from the amino acids lysine and methionine and is responsible for the transport of fatty acids from the cytosol into the mitochondria.” I’m going to go ahead and assume that that’s something really good for you, just like I always assume all that fine print gibberish on my credit card statement is good news.

Here’s the thing: I’m a big believer in gum… any ol’ gum… as an appetite suppressant. Truthfully, I eat smaller meals throughout the day, so I rarely get too awfully hungry. On those occasions that I do… when I’m driving home from work, when I’m stuck in an extra-long meeting, when I’m at the movies… I’ll chew a couple of pieces of sugar-free gum. I keep a variety of flavors at my desk and in my car, and chewing a few pieces always seems to take the edge off my hunger.

There’s nothing terribly wrong or even particularly ineffective about this Nutra-Trim gum, but I don’t need it and I can't imagine that you really need it either. I’m sorry to say that because I really like free stuff in my mailbox, but I think you can get the same effect by putting your game face on and digging into a buck-fifty pack of Dentyne.

Thanks for the gum, Nutri-Trim lady.

Good luck finding another job.


  1. Great post! Before doing the WW ice cream giveaway, which I actually eat and enjoy on occassion so I was happy to do it, I had some winners that I refused to participate in. My favorite was for some company who sold flavorless crystals to put on top of all your food to suppress your appetite. Sensa crystals or something?

    Anyways, I'll stick with my favorite Orbitz cinnamon gum =)

  2. You had me at "purple urine". When I stop laughing I will read this rest of this post. I love it when you make me laugh hard 1st thing in the morning.

    thanks Jack!!

  3. Hilarious. I've had to turn a few freebies down myself, because I just knew from the get-go that I wasn't going to be writing what they were hoping to read. But maybe next time I'll just go for it. Because this was funny, and I like funny.

  4. Thanks for the review...I will stick with my regular ol' gum :)

  5. This is a great review! I would definitely buy this product! It sounds fabulous!

    LOL! Trying to help you score more free stuff cuz I LOVE your reviews!!!

  6. Hahahahahahah!!!! Very funny and very true! When I first started weight watchers, I also chewed gum to suppress my appetite, especially at night when the munchies hit while watching tv. Sugar-free gum is a huge lifesaver!

  7. My local drugstore currently has Extra on sale -- 2 packs for 1.28! Good little Biggest Loser fanatic that I am stocked up :)

  8. you gotta love the side -effects on's like a med commercial, you cured one part of ur body killed everything else, but hey....
    ahhhhh Jack, is the live version you this funny, cos right now I'm picturing folks needing to wear depends aroud you LOL (maybe that can be my freebie review!)

  9. Now this review is excellent had me laughing while reading it on my way to work. I'm sure folks were looking funny at the lady reading her BlackBerry and laughing first thing in the morning - thanks Jack.

  10. It is amazing to see how many people who have been so successful at losing weight have no idea how much these companies use them. They seem completely blind to this fact.

    Thank you for this satire. Hopefully a few people will learn something from it.

  11. I may be in the minority here, but I detest ALL get-thin-quick-appetite-suppressing products. They make me want to shout from the peak of the highest mountain, "Wake up people. Eat right and exercise. There are no quick fixes!"

    Besides, I think chewing gum in public looks a wee bit tacky. (In private, go to town!)

  12. Hi Jack. Well they say honesty is the best policy. You may not get sent anymore freebies but you'll get another tick in the pass column when you reach the pearly gates ...

    Bearfriend xx

  13. I pissed the POM people off also.

    I told them I do not drink any juice, and then they offered me a POM pill.

    How come Chevy does not want me to write about their low fat Corvette?

  14. Hey, can you add a link to your POM review? I missed it and now I want to read it!

    Ha! I love an honest review! I wonder why L-carnitine is banned in Canada? I never knew. Worth looking into, I think.

    I don't like any of those so-called weight loss aids, either. They rub me the wrong way right off the bat. I would still try them if they gave them to me for free, though, lol! I sometimes get free stuff from Pinecone Research (surveys). At least I used to before I forgot to send in the review survey. Oops. Maybe you could give that a go, if this whole "blog review" thing doesn't work out. ;o)

  15. Too friggin funny!!! I am like you. When I was asked to review that 6 week cure book, I told the rep I was not a fan of this type of eating but they let me go ahead anyway. I was surprised & I was honest about it. The rep siad she thought I was fair but I don't know how the authors felt! :-O

    I applaud you for being honest!

  16. POM review, by special request:

  17. Best review ever. :) Honesty is a rare thing in blogland.

  18. Hilarious! Great review.

    I feel ya on the gum. My plain ol' cinnamon flavored Trident always suppresses my appetite, and it's only 87 cents a pack!

  19. I am a huge gum believer too. I never would have thought it, but it helps if there is a craving for sweets.

  20. My favorite gum is orbits sweet mint with some sort phenyl something or other which will eventually cause me to molt, grow a third eye and go into renal failure...other than that, it's fantabulous with diet coke...a one two punch of unknown chemically sweetened goodness. lol. works for me.
    I am with tony...where is my offer to road test the fat free mustang????

  21. But I can't get Dentyne in trout flavor, so I am SOLD on this gum!

    (Send Jack free stuff, people.)

  22. I have something for you on my blog!!!

  23. Good review...
    I can see more free stuff heading your way mister... ;)

  24. Hahaha! Maybe the gum has the side effect of sardonic hilarity?

  25. IS this what constitutes as funnby these days. Gee whizz, my head hurts.



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