You keep hearing a song called "Baby, You Sure Are Fat" on the radio- Realize you’re wearing your heaviest underwear
- Hear demonic laughter right before stepping on scale
- For breakfast, you had a large coffee and a large coffee cake
- Realize you haven’t gone to the bathroom in six days
- You’re thinking “heavy” thoughts
- Psychic hotline lady warned you to stay away from all scales this week
- Gravity index on “Red” this morning
- Screw-up when you went to donate blood; new nurse accidentally pumped an extra quart into you
- Got a new job as a baloney tester at Oscar Meyer factory
- Vague recollection of a midnight Pop-Tart incident
- Thought you were putting skim milk on your bran flakes; turns out it was eggnog
- Magic 8-Ball said “Gain definitely in your future”
- Purchased new scale and it’s not broken in yet
- Knew you shouldn’t have ordered “Salty Salmon with Salt Sauce” at restaurant
- Weight Watcher leader gasps audibly when she sees you
- You ate poorly all week and forgot to exercise
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Signs It’s Going to Be a Bad Weigh-In
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
LinkWithin
You worked out SO much this week that you gained muscle. Because muscle weighs more than fat, right? Right?!?! ;)
ReplyDeleteHilarious. I sometimes hear my scale make that audible gasp when I come that way. But I just tune it out.
ReplyDelete"Vague recollection of a midnight Pop-Tart incident"
ReplyDeleteThat would be for those who take Ambien, correct? Doesn't that cause amnesiac style midnight eating?
oh crap!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteToo funny!!!!! Me, I know when my friggin women hormones will not leave me alone! Crap, that is all the time!!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteThat is rather rude of a scale to say "Yikes"!
ReplyDeleteI would only expect that from a loved one when I tell them my love for the music likings of Michael Bolton.
hahahahaha... love breaking in the new scale one!
ReplyDeleteLOL... love it!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Never thought I'd say this phrase but, Thanks Jack Sh*t... your comment on my blog yesterday helped me!!
Did you know that the Wii Fit actually does gasp? Actually it goes "Step On! .....OH." I have to mute it to keep from commiting technological homicide.
ReplyDeleteI had a vague midnight incident with a cranberry scone just last night.
ReplyDeleteHeaviest underwear???? Explain that, please! I didn't realize underwear had different weight to them, LOL, you just crack me up
ReplyDeleteIt's cool I use the low sodium salt sauce though or the Sea Salt Sauce? Right? RIGHT?! ACK!
ReplyDeleteI have many vague memories. But it could just be old age. Very funny post.
ReplyDeleteEgg Nog...Dammit! I hate it when I do that!
ReplyDeleteLOL I totally was staring at my tall coffee with coffee cake on the side when I hit that line.... yeah...WW not being open for a holiday sucks, that like an open invitation to gain!
ReplyDeleteChin up Bubby.. you look great and you know it!!
ReplyDeleteHI - larious! My favorite is the screw up giving blood! Liquid volume IS so weighty! I needed a good laugh here, as I'm having heavy thoughts myself! Have a great TG.
ReplyDelete18) All of the above! :o)
ReplyDeleteThese are great! Thanks for the laugh today!
ReplyDeleteThe shy pooper hits too close to home.
ReplyDelete*shivers*
This is how I feel today. Just about all of them.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's weigh-in day. Shall I steel myself for the *gasp* of the scale?
I love it *laughs*
ReplyDeleteI do love coffee cake, I must admit! Happy Thanksgiving, Jack! :)
ReplyDeleteLOL! One of my favorites Jack! Thanks for the laugh, unfortunately, too many of those ring true...especially the one about the WW leader...I have had the WI girl ask me if I wanted to take my shoes off, and I blinked...and said...er....THEY ARE OFF!!! Sigh....Nothing encourages you to do better and behave than a bad weigh in!!!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I literally laughed out loud when I read the "Weight Watcher gasps audibly" one.
ReplyDeleteThat is good sh*t, Jack. :)
Thanks for the laugh & I wish you & your family a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Lynn
LOVE this post! Very appropriate before the holidays!
ReplyDeleteGood one as always Jack. Have a great Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteLordie this sounds like my week!!
ReplyDeletelol @ Weight Watcher leader gasping. Jack, don't you know that all female-weight gains are because of our HORMONES? DUH!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou convince yourself that the crap you need to take weighs 4.5 lbs and THAT was the cause of the weight gain...
ReplyDeleteI'm so trying to not think heavy thoughts!
ReplyDeleteLOL.
ReplyDeleteMy mom says hi.
(Or maybe it was something else, but I feel bad typing it, and just changed it to hi.)
the salty salmon or in my case..the salt lick under my bed...
ReplyDeleteActually, I put an inordinate amount of salt on my one piece of banquet chicken I allow myself per week..i actually put a little pile and dip my pieces of chicken breast in it...it's heaven. I weigh in once a month...water retention be damned.
Bwahahaha.
ReplyDelete"You realize that you haven't eaten in a couple days and you're STILL not hungry from everything you had earlier in the week"
I'm pretty sure we've all been in a couple of these kinds of situations!
i *do* hear demonic laughter everytime i am about to step on the scales. NASTY.
ReplyDeleteI don't do weigh-ins but I feel a tad bit heavy if I don't get to go to the bathroom in the morning. =/
ReplyDelete-Denise