Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Signs It’s Going to Be a Bad Weigh-In

  • You keep hearing a song called "Baby, You Sure Are Fat" on the radio
  • Realize you’re wearing your heaviest underwear
  • Hear demonic laughter right before stepping on scale
  • For breakfast, you had a large coffee and a large coffee cake
  • Realize you haven’t gone to the bathroom in six days
  • You’re thinking “heavy” thoughts
  • Psychic hotline lady warned you to stay away from all scales this week
  • Gravity index on “Red” this morning
  • Screw-up when you went to donate blood; new nurse accidentally pumped an extra quart into you
  • Got a new job as a baloney tester at Oscar Meyer factory
  • Vague recollection of a midnight Pop-Tart incident
  • Thought you were putting skim milk on your bran flakes; turns out it was eggnog
  • Magic 8-Ball said “Gain definitely in your future”
  • Purchased new scale and it’s not broken in yet
  • Knew you shouldn’t have ordered “Salty Salmon with Salt Sauce” at restaurant
  • Weight Watcher leader gasps audibly when she sees you
  • You ate poorly all week and forgot to exercise

36 comments:

  1. You worked out SO much this week that you gained muscle. Because muscle weighs more than fat, right? Right?!?! ;)

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  2. Hilarious. I sometimes hear my scale make that audible gasp when I come that way. But I just tune it out.

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  3. "Vague recollection of a midnight Pop-Tart incident"

    That would be for those who take Ambien, correct? Doesn't that cause amnesiac style midnight eating?

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  4. Too funny!!!!! Me, I know when my friggin women hormones will not leave me alone! Crap, that is all the time!!! ;-)

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  5. That is rather rude of a scale to say "Yikes"!

    I would only expect that from a loved one when I tell them my love for the music likings of Michael Bolton.

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  6. hahahahaha... love breaking in the new scale one!

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  7. LOL... love it!

    P.S. Never thought I'd say this phrase but, Thanks Jack Sh*t... your comment on my blog yesterday helped me!!

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  8. Did you know that the Wii Fit actually does gasp? Actually it goes "Step On! .....OH." I have to mute it to keep from commiting technological homicide.

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  9. I had a vague midnight incident with a cranberry scone just last night.

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  10. Heaviest underwear???? Explain that, please! I didn't realize underwear had different weight to them, LOL, you just crack me up

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  11. It's cool I use the low sodium salt sauce though or the Sea Salt Sauce? Right? RIGHT?! ACK!

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  12. I have many vague memories. But it could just be old age. Very funny post.

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  13. Egg Nog...Dammit! I hate it when I do that!

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  14. LOL I totally was staring at my tall coffee with coffee cake on the side when I hit that line.... yeah...WW not being open for a holiday sucks, that like an open invitation to gain!

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  15. Chin up Bubby.. you look great and you know it!!

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  16. HI - larious! My favorite is the screw up giving blood! Liquid volume IS so weighty! I needed a good laugh here, as I'm having heavy thoughts myself! Have a great TG.

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  17. These are great! Thanks for the laugh today!

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  18. The shy pooper hits too close to home.

    *shivers*

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  19. This is how I feel today. Just about all of them.

    And it's weigh-in day. Shall I steel myself for the *gasp* of the scale?

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  20. I do love coffee cake, I must admit! Happy Thanksgiving, Jack! :)

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  21. LOL! One of my favorites Jack! Thanks for the laugh, unfortunately, too many of those ring true...especially the one about the WW leader...I have had the WI girl ask me if I wanted to take my shoes off, and I blinked...and said...er....THEY ARE OFF!!! Sigh....Nothing encourages you to do better and behave than a bad weigh in!!!

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  22. Oh my, I literally laughed out loud when I read the "Weight Watcher gasps audibly" one.
    That is good sh*t, Jack. :)

    Thanks for the laugh & I wish you & your family a wonderful Thanksgiving.

    Lynn

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  23. LOVE this post! Very appropriate before the holidays!

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  24. Good one as always Jack. Have a great Thanksgiving.

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  25. lol @ Weight Watcher leader gasping. Jack, don't you know that all female-weight gains are because of our HORMONES? DUH!!! :-)

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  26. You convince yourself that the crap you need to take weighs 4.5 lbs and THAT was the cause of the weight gain...

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  27. I'm so trying to not think heavy thoughts!

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  28. LOL.

    My mom says hi.

    (Or maybe it was something else, but I feel bad typing it, and just changed it to hi.)

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  29. the salty salmon or in my case..the salt lick under my bed...
    Actually, I put an inordinate amount of salt on my one piece of banquet chicken I allow myself per week..i actually put a little pile and dip my pieces of chicken breast in it...it's heaven. I weigh in once a month...water retention be damned.

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  30. Bwahahaha.

    "You realize that you haven't eaten in a couple days and you're STILL not hungry from everything you had earlier in the week"

    I'm pretty sure we've all been in a couple of these kinds of situations!

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  31. i *do* hear demonic laughter everytime i am about to step on the scales. NASTY.

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  32. I don't do weigh-ins but I feel a tad bit heavy if I don't get to go to the bathroom in the morning. =/

    -Denise

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