Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'm Mad And I'm Not Gonna Eat It Anymore!

Weekly weigh-in: 208.0
Loss: -0.3
Total loss: 83.5 lbs.
Emotion: Steamed

Well, I’M MAD.

I worked out like A MADMAN this week. Like a FURIOUS VISIGOTH under Alaric I who SACKED Rome in the year 410. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? Well, I’ll tell you what… I DON’T KNOW! Why am I hollering so much? BECAUSE I’M SO DAMN MAD!

Anyway, I worked out like a CRAZY PERSON, even doubling up a couple of days. I ate on plan like a CRAZY PERSON who eats REALLY WELL. I was trying to put a good week together in anticipation of a disruptive holiday week. I wanted a solid loss so that if I gave a little back the next week, I wouldn’t feel too bad about it.

So I was chugging along, being a poster child for AWESOME, blasting out intense workouts and even cutting back some of my calories. Maybe I’ve got ONE MORE SURPRISING WEIGH-IN left in me, I thought as I peeked at the scale mid-week.

Then came Friday night and going to a college basketball after a lovely dinner at Hooter’s. I mean, HOOTERS! I checked out the menu online beforehand and saw that a lot of the items weren’t too bad diet-wise, as long as you put in a “SPECIAL REQUEST” for the cooks to prepare the dish COMPLETELY UNLIKE HE NORMALLY DOES. I’m sorry, but I’ve eaten at Hooter’s quite a few times and I’m pretty sure that if you’re a man and you actually tried to ORDER A BUN PREPARED WITH NO BUTTER or any other of the other silly “SPECIAL REQUESTS”, your big-topped waitress would SLAP THE SH*T out of you.

So I ordered a half pound of steamed shrimp, which the online guide lists at 300 calories as long as you don’t factor in the cocktail sauce or the tub of drawn butter (ONE MILLION CALORIES). I dumped HALF A SHAKER’S worth of black pepper on the suckers and they still tasted like tasteless lumps of SILLY PUTTY.

Luckily I had an ice cold Amstel Light to wash it down, and then another. Drinking Amstel Light always reminds me of a trip my family took to Crete a dozen years or so. Every day at lunch, I’d drink the biggest bottle you’ve ever laid your eyes on of Amstel, Amstel Light’s smarter and better-looking big brother. I’d have a big lunch, accompanied by a big bottle of Amstel, and later take a nap. I never felt so civilized (I’m so calm just thinking about it that I’ve ceased typing in capitalized letters).

Then I got back from the two-week vacation and realized that, somehow, someway, I HAD GAINED THIRTY POUNDS. That didn’t stop me from searching high and low for regular Amstel beer, but the distributor (yes, I took my quest all the way to the distribution company) said that nobody carried Amstel for some, strange reason. F*CK A DUCK!

So I had a few Amstel Lights and reminisced about fatter, carefree-er times. I guess what I’d really like to do is find some way to marry that nice easy feeling with my new healthier lifestyle. I want it to become easier and not be such a chore. I’ve made strides in that direction, but it’s still tough sledding during college basketball season.

We’ll see how it goes through the holidays, but if I were you, I’D EXPECT TO SEE MORE CAPITAL LETTERS NEXT WEEK!!!!!


  1. Perhaps you should have taken your own advice and tried the deep-throated yodel prior to your weigh in. You think?

    And I, too, developed a fondess for Amstel on Crete. Interesting coincidence.

  2. OMG!! WHY ARE YOU YELLING? I hate when "perfect" weeks don't turn out to be quite so perfect. It's frustrating.

  3. Um well, it is still a loss right? Plus, you still have beer weight. Quit yer bitching man.

  4. It's a loss...I'm sure going to have a gain this week...why...cause I eat more points on Friday night ( hubby's birthday ) and went 4 over on saturday...but...I trained everyday and kept to my points allowed all cant even had a bad day and everything changes on the also frustrated.

  5. YOU LOST.

    Some of us would gain 5lbs just for setting foot in the restaurant, without ordering a damn thing.

  6. I know your frustration, dude - it always seemed like when I was doing Weight Watchers, the weeks I'd be a perfect posterchild of awesome, I'd lose like 1/10th of a pound or even gain. Once when that happened, I kept plugging along with no weight change for like 6wks, then finally I dropped like 6lbs in one week. Mucho frustrating.

    And I, too, would like to marry "healthy" with "beer + restaurants." I miss my old life and don't want to be a "special requests" diner forever, so it's frustrating to focus on the changes I'll have to make once I get there.

  7. I know you're frustrated... I would be too! It sucks to feel like your entire week of killing yourself can be completely reversed by one fun night. But, also, doesn't muscle weigh more than fat? Couldn't you be putting that on at this point in the game?

  8. Maybe your body is telling you not to go crazy during Thanksgiving. Stoopid body.

    I respect a man who looks up nutritional info for Hooters. Tip of the hat to you, sir.

  9. sodium.

    and for some reason, I still think you'll rock the socks off the scale next Sunday!

    thanks for all your lovely, daily laughter..we couldnt do it without you!

  10. Everyone deserves a splurge meal or uumm...silly putty. I think it is your bodies way of catching up to yourself. You have done so well, come SO far, wait do you have your period-cuz that shit always happens to me. lol

    Hang in there Jack! You are kicking some serious weight loss ASS!

  11. I LOVE THAT YOU ARE MAD! Here I was thinking you were meek, mild and PERFECT! I feel so much better.

    Back to you, sorry you didn't see what you were looking for on the scale. I think sometimes the extra workouts and really, really healthy eating can frighten the body into hanging onto weight. But what do I know?

    Here's hoping you see what you want next WI. H

  12. Well, I have to say it does not really get easier... for me, there is always a challenge with my changing bod! I think the young ones might have more luck than us older ones when the bod likes to fight you!

    As for the weight.. it is a loss. And maybe some is sodium or something from the eats out & beer. I don't drink beer so I am not sure of the sodium content.

    Also, not sure if you watch The Biggest Loser but you can work your butt off & still not get the scale weight. It could be that you gained muscle, it could be that you ate something with too much sodium or maybe did not drink enough water OR it could actually be that you ate too little for the extra work you put in.

    Our bod is so complex! I say you are fine.. you got a loss & just keep to your plan! Not to worry!

    Saying all that, I would probably still be bitc*ing too! But that is normal for me! :-)

  13. You are still the poster child for AWESOME in my book! Have a Happy Turkey Day!

  14. Is going to Hooter's for the food like reading Penthouse for the articles? Just curious.

  15. That is so WRONG when you are perfect and the scale does not acknowledge it. I bet next week you have a big loss.

    I LOVE the PIC of the MAD PUPPY :))) too cute.

  16. I know your feeling oh too well. I'm sure you will make up for it soon. I'm not looking forward to the scales over the holidays either because all the southern cooking my family will be doing will be very tempting to say the least.

  17. Jack
    In in my humble and inestimable...and look for it tonight in a found position as occupier of the other side...
    You have gained muscle. I know, could that be?
    lol. Which also HELPS BURN MORE CALORIES IN THE LONG RUN. So, go have a BODY FAT COMPOSITION DONE...Just make sure you take a dump first, you don't want to be full of sh*t for this one....
    oh, and your dog thanks you. lol

  18. Meh, the rest of your loss will probably show up next week.

    I also wish this could be easier, so I can sympathize on that front. I mean it would be nice to go out once in awhile, eat what you've ordered, and not have to pay for it, right? But reality is reality. If you try to fight reality, you end up wandering around downtown talking to an invisible giant rabbit named Harvey.

  19. I bet next week you can even indulge a little on Thanksgiving day if you like and you'll probably still throw a bigger number than you expect. Any loss is a loss right?

  20. I'm pretty sure I commented earlier, but its not there....just assume whatever I said was witty yet uplifting. :)

  21. Jack, sorry you are frustrated, trust me I know what that's like. I've been trying to lose the same 10 pounds for the last 5 months and keep going up and down between 4, every day I get frustrated and angry, but you know what in the end i will win and so will you. Don't give up, get mad and take the frustration into the new week, because in the end you are going to win.
    Keep fighting!

  22. Jack, this is the first post where you sound like a real, live, normal person who gets pissed about the frustrations of losing weight. Glad to hear it! I mean glad you are a real person and not a weight-losing robot or something. But of course sorry you are mad.

    I can't believe people actually go into a place called Hooters. I've never laid eyes on them (the restaurant I mean). Good thing, because if there were one here my husband's picture would be on the "Our Best Customers" wall.

  23. It's ok to YELL. Sometimes I yell at the scale and once my son said, "Who are you yelling at?"

    "THE SCALE" I yell back.

    " KNOW it can't hear you right? And if it could, it wouldn't care."


  24. Uh, at least you had a loss?

    Yeah...sorry the scale didn't fully reward your efforts.

  25. It's easy to type at least you had a loss, but i get it Jack...when you really hit it hard, you expect a logical result, and it can be hard not to get pissed off when you don't get one.

    Here's hoping the result is more about a little water retention than real pounds...No one said this stuff would be easy or fair right?

    And at least you had a loss...(sorry)

  26. OMG... You're killing me over here. You write the funniest poss. I think it's fair to say you're not alone. We're all feeling the pressure to keep the calories low this time of year. I totally relate to that feeling with the beer--some foods just have this emotional connection with us... wish we had it with say a"kale".

    Hang in there. Maybe its like Fat Daddy said... it's just water retention.

  27. (Timidly)-- Um, water weight? Time of month? Muscle gain? Divine vengeance? Those all work for me.

  28. I've been there so I know how you feel. Next week will be better.

  29. Jack,

    Oh my friend, remember---time doesn't matter. The changes you've made mentally are what will keep you here long term. Who knows why the scale didn't show you much love this could be a variety of reasons---None of them your doing. You know this. Keep on doing what your doing---and you'll keep on getting what you've been getting---which is fit and in the best shape of your life, right?
    You of all people understand the mental gymnastics this journey requires---and you do it so well. I give you the GOLD!
    Thank you for the wonderful support you always show me.
    Congrats on getting out of Hooters with your calorie budget in good shape. If I would have been there---I would have split a burger with you---and we would have left the butter on the bun!!!

    My best always,

  30. It's stupid...there truly isn't a rational explanation for any of it except maybe that the scales don't always tell the tale and that it ain't just our mind playing tricks on us, it's our whole damn body! Anyhow I for one am surpised you didn't write the whole damn post in f*ing CAPITALS! LOL

  31. Jack Jack built some muscle this week....! That is why the scale did not go down. You need to go get a scale with a bodyfat function....that is the number that should be of most interest to you now that you are so close to goal...not total weight.

    I bet your workouts paid off..and you have a couple pounds of new muscle. Just a theory...of course....and, no comment on the beer. I recall...ouzo is FAR more effective...and maybe less calories overall. :)

  32. Sorry you are frustrated. Sometimes even a loss just doesn't feel like it was the right loss, eh? You have done so well already though, Jack and remember that this is for life. Life doesn't always offer you what you want, but it generally provides what you need. Maybe this is a lesson that you needed to learn? Or perhaps the gods are just f*ckin' with ya!

  33. I thought you liked the smell of Silly Putty?

  34. I hear ya. grr! Work out like a mad-man, eat like a champion, not what you expect from the scale! Maybe it was that little trip down memory lane, your mind playing tricks with your body!
    I know it's hard, when you're in the chest, er, I mean face of a cute waitress at Hooters to order it "your way" but why would you settle for a half pound of silly putty?

    I know you'll rock this weeks danger meal!

  35. Oh Hooters...I don't know if I could go in there & not eat wings. You are a strong man, Jack.

    Brush off your disappointment man. You know the process works...but you also know you don't always get the results you *think* you will get. You'll probably be in all caps next week because you had a big ol' loss. ;)

    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

  36. Your muscles are probably holding onto water. That happens when you double up on workouts sometimes!

  37. arrrrrrgggggggggggggggggh! I HATE those times when the scale refuses to acknowledge model eating and working out behaviour!! Tis just NOT FAIR!!!!! persevere Mr Sh*t, it'll all come right in the end, old chap!


  38. I hate those weeks! But hey, look at it this way. You can either just keep doing what you're doing and steadily lose just a little bit each week or give up and trip and fall on a 3-tiered chocolate cake and wash it down with beer and feel like poopy and be a lot further away from your goal.

    However, sometimes the beer and chocolate cake wins, and such is life.

  39. Capital letters are my favorites too- at first I thought this post was a mockery of my posts. Then I decided, who cares, I like it anyway. Good luck Thursday.

  40. im all about the capital letters right now.

    i am dreading christmas foods. boooo.



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