Sunday, November 29, 2009

Faster Than a Speeding Bullsh*tter

Weekly weigh-in: 206.3
Loss: -1.7
Total loss: 85.2 lbs.
Emotion: Light-Hearted

It went down like this: I’m playing basketball with some of the guys I regularly hoop with when this very large African-American gentleman strides out onto the court. Since I’m the tallest guy out there besides him (I’m 6’4”… he’s about 6’7”) we’re matched up against one another. It takes me about ten seconds of gameplay to realize that this dude is pretty good. Part of the reason is that he starts trash-talking. After spinning and shooting a little hook shot over me, he starts yammering “This little guy can’t hold me!”

Little guy? Little guy? Are you kiddin’ me?

Testosterone a’ragin’, I knuckle down and try to “D” up on LeBron. After a few times up and down the court, I notice that the big man is huffing and puffing like nobody’s business, doubled up and grabbing hold of his shorts. Even though I’ve already been playing for over an hour, I’m still feeling fresh as a daisy. So a mischievous smile crosses my lips, and I begin the white-boy version of trash-talkin’: “Giddyup, Shaq. We’re gonna get out and run a little bit now.”

So on the next few possessions, I sprinted all-out and left Big Daddy eating my dust. I’m serious… I got worried that he was going to have a heart attack on me. As I was running this large man absolutely ragged and scoring at will, I felt a surge of pride at another payoff from months of hard work, hours and hours of intense workouts and extra effort. There’s not a lot of feelings better than being more fit than somebody fifteen years younger than you.

And big man, if you're reading: "DON'T BRING THAT WEAK SH*T UP IN MY HOUSE!"

Speaking of large African-American men, 266 bestowed this award on me (266 doesn’t include a name or pic on the blog, so I just assume it’s a large African-American man).

There’re a bunch of blah-blah-blah rules, the crux of which is that I have to pass it along to five more blogs. I kind of hate to play favorites, so I’m going to give it to five blogs that I just made up on the spot…

Me-Me at No Mo’ Mu-Mu for Me-Me
John at Johnny B. Hungry
Ms. Bevahin’ at A Little Less Ms. Behavin’
Tequila Mockingbird at Starving for Attention
The Mad Fatter at Malice in Onederland

Anyway, I’m proud of pulling a respectable loss during Thanksgiving week. I overdid it a little bit on the chocolate pecan pie, but I also overdid it on the exercise all week long. Nice start to the holidays, if you ask me…

35 comments:

  1. Well done on the loss Jack, that is fantastic, especially as you had Thanksgiving to get through. Also well done on ruling the basketball court - hurrah!

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  2. Well done on the loss! Such a great story too. Good for you to be on top of the game!

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  3. Amazing start to the holiday season!

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  4. Well done on the loss this week...

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  5. "D" up on Lebron - Hahahah, way to white guy trash talk too. Impressed by your wit on the court. Way to chalk one up for the good guys.

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  6. I love your white guy trash talk. And, good work this week.

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  7. fabulous, fabulous, fabulous!!!!

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  8. Unbelievable weight loss, even after Thanksgiving! No Bullsh*tting there.

    And sweet victory on the court. Enjoy it all Jack.

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  9. Haha! You got game, Jack ;)

    Congrats on your loss and your "win" !

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  10. Congrats on the loss and the award. I was going to pass that one on to you, but didn't want to get a beat-down! haha

    Way to bring your best game to the court! I love basketball! I use to rock that 3pt. line! Those were the days! lol

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  11. Great loss and way to rule the court!

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  12. ha, it was like that time a midget and me went for a walk, we used to sprint to the door at the end, and she would aaaaalways beat me...well, last time I beat her bwahahahaha.
    Soooo, my eight year old had better watch it lol. Good job jack.
    Way to run the guy into the dirt.
    Chris
    A deliberate life

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  13. BIG BIG CONGRATS!!!! Being 52, I love this: There’s not a lot of feelings better than being more fit than somebody fifteen years younger than you.

    Yes, it does feel good!!!!

    You done good Jack! I love your made up blogs too!!! I am like you. I hate to pass thins on cause I love all the blogs I read for different reasons!

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  14. It always bothered me that you have not apologized to Kurtis Blow and Marc Cohn and did your verysion of "Blogging in Memphis" and "Basketball"

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  15. Love this!!!! Absolutley love this!!!

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  16. Dr. J is alive and well. Nice going on the smackdown and loss.

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  17. Awesome! Wow, that IS impressive, to completely outlast someone 15 years younger than yourself!

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  18. Hi Jack. Congrats on your loss! Not that I ever doubted ...

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

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  19. Dude....seriously?

    "Speaking of large African-American men, 266 bestowed this award on me (266 doesn’t include a name or pic on the blog, so I just assume it’s a large African-American man)." - almost peed my pants.

    I can always count on you for some comic relief.

    My senior year at Michigan State I took a basketball class. 50 African-American men and 1 white me. I got good at the rebounds and steals. They seemed a bit cocky to me. It's nice to make em work hard and shut their mouths.

    Congrats on the loss my man! You are a machine I tell you. I know it came with a lot of hard work but you are unstoppable.

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  20. Congratulations on the loss and the victory :)

    Personally, my goal was always to be faster than a speeding ticket. Turns out Mr. Policeman doesn't appreciate that kind of humor :(

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  21. Great story, and great job!

    I hope you enjoyed every bite of that chocolate pecan pie; you worked hard for it!

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  22. Nice loss this week!
    Keep up with the smack talk!

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  23. Great job on the loss, and an even better job on the game!

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  24. Awesome weight loss during Thanksgiving!

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  25. You are on fire Jack! great loss!

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  26. Thanks for leaving a comment over in my neck of the woods. Great job AGAIN on the loss...and especially on Thanksgiving week. Just fantastic work you're doing over there. And I loved hearing about the game...you're the only one that makes me laugh out loud. I love that. :)

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  27. Way to be G!!!! You da man!!!! :D

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  28. That basketball story was fun to read. Way to go on the loss!

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  29. OMG!!! I just laughed my butt off... thank you for that! I mean... Wait till I see you on the court next time, Tiny!

    Congrats on another great loss, Jack! You continue to do wonderfully. I have to ask: am I the only person who took the time to amuse myself by investigating the links you provided?

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  30. You lost 1.7 pounds over Thanksgiving? GO YOU!

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  31. Well done you! All round! I don't want you to get to 90lb weight loss though, as I can't bear the thought of you sacrificing one of your dogs!!

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  32. lol! boys will be boys! no matter that age ... testosterone, god love it!

    seriously, congrats on gettin' fit, Jack Sh*t!

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  33. Way to go on beating the "big boy" and on having a great loss during the holiday week.

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