Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Mizard of Miz (Part 5 of 6)


After a two-week hiatus in the Poppy Fields, the gang (Dina Gail, Ton-Man, Jack the Sh*tcrow and Carlos the Cowardly Liar) finally made their way into the city of Miz. They knew that they were in the city of Miz because of the song the inhabitants were singing to them…

Ah - ah - ah, Ow - ow - ow -
And a little wah – wah - whiz.
That's how we exercise the day away,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Run – run – run, jog- jog- jog -
And a glass of low-cal fizz.
That's how the misfits all get fit,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

We get up at six and work out til half past one.
And make sure and do some stretching when we’re done.
Jolly good fun!

Ah - ah - ah, Ow - ow - ow -
And a little wah – wah - whiz.
That's how we exercise the day away,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Veg, veg here, fruit, fruit there,
And a little protein like this.
That's how we keep so young and fair
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

Work out here, work out there,
No matter where you is.
That's how we keep you in good shape
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

We can turn your love handles into nice lean mass.
Can you even take the dimples off my ass? Uh-huh!
Jolly good lass!

Poke, poke here, rub, rub there,
We’ll work you into a tizz.
Your whole entourage can get a massage,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Ah - ah - ah, Ow - ow - ow -
And a little wah – wah - whiz.
That's how we exercise the day away,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Run – run – run, jog- jog- jog -
And a glass of low-cal fizz.
That's how the misfits all get fit,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

“Look,” said Carlos. “I love me a good gay sing-song as much as the next guy, but I’ve got places to be…”

“The Cowardly Liar is right,” said Sh*tcrow Jack. “We really ought to see about seeing the Miz.

“I swear,” exclaimed Carlos, turning on Jack. “If you call me the Cowardly Liar again, I’m going to kick the sh*t outta you.”

“Look,” said the Ton-Man. “This looks like it might be it.”

“Halt! said the Royal Guard at the door, who just happened to be Alan from Foolsfitness. “Who goes there?”

“We came to see the Mizard,” said Dina.

“Well, Foolsfitness reminds you that ‘life’ itself is the buffet table. It’s all you can eat…and…”

“Alan, we talked about this,” whispered Jack. “You said if I gave you a part in this thing, you wouldn’t go rogue on me.”

“You didn’t tell me it was such a small part,” sneered Alan.

“There are no small parts,” said Jack. “Only small actors.”

“Ha, ha,” laughed Carlos. “You’ve got a small part.”

“Okay, Chunky-Style!” said Alan, getting up in Carlos’ face. “Why don’t you and your pals go see the Mizard right now? I’m gonna love seeing this… she’s gonna run you folks ragged.”

With a slight feeling of trepidation, the travelers walked down the long corridor towards the throne room.

“You okay, Jack?” asked the Ton-Man. “You smell even worse than usual.”

“I might have crapped myself a little,” admitted Jack.

“C’mon,” urged Dina. “The sooner we find the Mizard, the sooner we can get back to our lives.”

“Yeah, I need to get back to the gym,” said the Ton-Man. “I’ve only done two workouts today.”

“Freak!” muttered Carlos and Jack together.

Suddenly, they encountered a ginormous glowing head that spoke with a loud and stern voice.

“WHO DARES DISTURB THE FIT AND TERRIBLE MIZ?”

“Okay,” said Dina. “I guess we really should have expected something like this…”

“BOW BEFORE THE GREAT AND MARVELOUS MIZ.”

“I ain’t bowing to a big fat, glowing head,” said Carlos.

“BOW, DUMBASS.”

Everyone, looking a little uncomfortable and out of place, eventually bowed before the floating image.

“NOW… HOW ABOUT A FEW JUMPING JACKS?”

Ton-Man immediately started doing jumping jacks, and soon the entire group was working up a sweat.

“ALRIGHT, NOW LET’S RUN IN PLACE FOR A FEW MINUTES.”

“We… shoulda… stayed…. in… poppy… field,” grunted Carlos.

“NOW SOME PUSH-UPS… THAT’S IT… NO, JACK, NOT GIRL PUSH-UPS.”

“Not… girl… pushups,” groaned Jack. “They’re…lady…pushups.”

“NO, NO, NO… I WANT TO SEE YOU… OMG… IS THAT A RAT?

“Rikko?” exclaimed Dina, calling for her pet ferret. “Where are you, Rikko?”

“Somebody get this hairy bastard adorable pet off my leg!” said a fit woman wearing workout togs and a brightly-colored doo-rag and kicking at Rikko.

“That’s the damdest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Carlos. “How’d she say that cross-through thing?”

“Why did you bring a crazy rat up in herre and… hey, you’re the crazy chick that dropped a house on Bitch Cakes, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me,” said Dina, rolling her eyes. “It was a K-Mart.”

“Yeah, yeah,” smiled the Mizard. “Whatever it was, nice work snuffing out that crazy bitch notable blogging star.”

“Don't mention it,” said Dina.

“Well, you did me a solid,” said the Mizard. “If there’s ever anything I can do to return the favor, just say the word. ”

“Well, since you did mention it,” said Dina. “We’ve all got some special requests…”

“Okay, look,” said the Mizard. “I’ve got a deal for you. I can get you all what you want, but you gotta do one big little thing for me…”

x

15 comments:

  1. Yessss, I cannot wait for the final installment! This is genius! And has also made these songs stuck in my head, which is not so great. I hate the Wizard of Oz movie with a passion. I like the Mizard of Miz much much more. =)

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  2. Great great great can't wait till the finale!!! Is it coming this afternoon? Please please please *smile*

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  3. Do we have to wait till tomorrow? lol :)

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  4. Just getting back at it here in the blog world after a few weeks of falling down. Great series (Mizard of Miz). Love the Billy Mays costume, and even more love the part in this edition where Alan from FoolsFitness "goes rogue". Just perfect.

    Thanks for the great read as always.

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  5. A cliff hanger!!! Ooooh, what next. Can't wait for the finale... :)

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  6. i was wondering how she says the crossed through things too.. is it kinda like muttering under your breath?

    so what is Dina gonna have to do with the ruby red body bug.. she can't click her heels...

    hrmmmmm...

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  7. Is Jillian going to have to die?!? awwww...I like her when she isn't trying to get into the heads of the BL contestants in her attempt to understand human emotion :-P

    You need to do more stories like this, good reads! Can't wait for the finale.

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  8. You have to get Jillian for selling out with her new diet pills or whatever they are.

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  9. JIllian must die for selling out and hawking diet pills....watch her melt into a puddle of sweat or something....have ton man throw it on her....she deserves it, and he'd enjoy it lol. Can't wait for the finale.

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  10. I like that 2 week stay in the poppy fields!!! :-) OK, give is the ending already!!

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  11. This is great!!! I feel like you need to have a book deal - you're so creative.

    P.S. - I see you already got one, but I gave you the "honest scrap" blog award on my blog. You definitely deserve it for always telling it like it is, like it or not. Thanks for giving me the kick in the ass I so often need.

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  12. Way to leave us hanging Jack! ;)
    I'll be back tomorrow for the finale.

    Thanks for the entertainment,
    Lynn

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  13. I'm with the others, Jillian needs to die for the diet pill scam.

    "I might have crapped myself a little"

    This is some funny sh*t, Jack.

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  14. *claps hands excitedly* Ooh, what's gonna happen?!?

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