The Mizard of Miz (Part 5 of 6)

After a two-week hiatus in the Poppy Fields, the gang (Dina Gail, Ton-Man, Jack the Sh*tcrow and Carlos the Cowardly Liar) finally made their way into the city of Miz. They knew that they were in the city of Miz because of the song the inhabitants were singing to them…

Ah - ah - ah, Ow - ow - ow -
And a little wah – wah - whiz.
That's how we exercise the day away,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Run – run – run, jog- jog- jog -
And a glass of low-cal fizz.
That's how the misfits all get fit,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

We get up at six and work out til half past one.
And make sure and do some stretching when we’re done.
Jolly good fun!

Ah - ah - ah, Ow - ow - ow -
And a little wah – wah - whiz.
That's how we exercise the day away,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Veg, veg here, fruit, fruit there,
And a little protein like this.
That's how we keep so young and fair
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

Work out here, work out there,
No matter where you is.
That's how we keep you in good shape
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

We can turn your love handles into nice lean mass.
Can you even take the dimples off my ass? Uh-huh!
Jolly good lass!

Poke, poke here, rub, rub there,
We’ll work you into a tizz.
Your whole entourage can get a massage,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Ah - ah - ah, Ow - ow - ow -
And a little wah – wah - whiz.
That's how we exercise the day away,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!
Run – run – run, jog- jog- jog -
And a glass of low-cal fizz.
That's how the misfits all get fit,
In the Marvelous Land of Miz!

“Look,” said Carlos. “I love me a good gay sing-song as much as the next guy, but I’ve got places to be…”

“The Cowardly Liar is right,” said Sh*tcrow Jack. “We really ought to see about seeing the Miz.

“I swear,” exclaimed Carlos, turning on Jack. “If you call me the Cowardly Liar again, I’m going to kick the sh*t outta you.”

“Look,” said the Ton-Man. “This looks like it might be it.”

“Halt! said the Royal Guard at the door, who just happened to be Alan from Foolsfitness. “Who goes there?”

“We came to see the Mizard,” said Dina.

“Well, Foolsfitness reminds you that ‘life’ itself is the buffet table. It’s all you can eat…and…”

“Alan, we talked about this,” whispered Jack. “You said if I gave you a part in this thing, you wouldn’t go rogue on me.”

“You didn’t tell me it was such a small part,” sneered Alan.

“There are no small parts,” said Jack. “Only small actors.”

“Ha, ha,” laughed Carlos. “You’ve got a small part.”

“Okay, Chunky-Style!” said Alan, getting up in Carlos’ face. “Why don’t you and your pals go see the Mizard right now? I’m gonna love seeing this… she’s gonna run you folks ragged.”

With a slight feeling of trepidation, the travelers walked down the long corridor towards the throne room.

“You okay, Jack?” asked the Ton-Man. “You smell even worse than usual.”

“I might have crapped myself a little,” admitted Jack.

“C’mon,” urged Dina. “The sooner we find the Mizard, the sooner we can get back to our lives.”

“Yeah, I need to get back to the gym,” said the Ton-Man. “I’ve only done two workouts today.”

“Freak!” muttered Carlos and Jack together.

Suddenly, they encountered a ginormous glowing head that spoke with a loud and stern voice.

“WHO DARES DISTURB THE FIT AND TERRIBLE MIZ?”

“Okay,” said Dina. “I guess we really should have expected something like this…”

“BOW BEFORE THE GREAT AND MARVELOUS MIZ.”

“I ain’t bowing to a big fat, glowing head,” said Carlos.

“BOW, DUMBASS.”

Everyone, looking a little uncomfortable and out of place, eventually bowed before the floating image.

“NOW… HOW ABOUT A FEW JUMPING JACKS?”

Ton-Man immediately started doing jumping jacks, and soon the entire group was working up a sweat.

“ALRIGHT, NOW LET’S RUN IN PLACE FOR A FEW MINUTES.”

“We… shoulda… stayed…. in… poppy… field,” grunted Carlos.

“NOW SOME PUSH-UPS… THAT’S IT… NO, JACK, NOT GIRL PUSH-UPS.”

“Not… girl… pushups,” groaned Jack. “They’re…lady…pushups.”

“NO, NO, NO… I WANT TO SEE YOU… OMG… IS THAT A RAT?

“Rikko?” exclaimed Dina, calling for her pet ferret. “Where are you, Rikko?”

“Somebody get this hairy bastard adorable pet off my leg!” said a fit woman wearing workout togs and a brightly-colored doo-rag and kicking at Rikko.

“That’s the damdest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Carlos. “How’d she say that cross-through thing?”

“Why did you bring a crazy rat up in herre and… hey, you’re the crazy chick that dropped a house on Bitch Cakes, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me,” said Dina, rolling her eyes. “It was a K-Mart.”

“Yeah, yeah,” smiled the Mizard. “Whatever it was, nice work snuffing out that crazy bitch notable blogging star.”

“Don't mention it,” said Dina.

“Well, you did me a solid,” said the Mizard. “If there’s ever anything I can do to return the favor, just say the word. ”

“Well, since you did mention it,” said Dina. “We’ve all got some special requests…”

“Okay, look,” said the Mizard. “I’ve got a deal for you. I can get you all what you want, but you gotta do one big little thing for me…”

x