Thursday, November 19, 2009

Last Pants Standing


It started with twenty-four pair.

Black slacks. Tan khakis. Stylish trousers. Sturdy corduroys. Funky pants. Faded jeans.

Call it a riches of britches.

They came in a variety of styles and an assortment of sizes, but they all had one thing in common: they were too small for me to actually wear.

They were hidden all around my bedroom, some in a big plastic tub behind the headboard of my bed, some squirreled away on the top shelf of my closet.

I don’t know how it is for you, but there are two universal truths for me when it comes to pants: (1) as soon as pants get to big for me, I get rid of ‘em and (2) pants that I outgrow, I keep forever.

When I began my latest weight-loss journey this Spring, I also started a game that I affectionately called “Last Pants Standing.” Once a month or so (usually on a quiet Sunday afternoon) I’d pull out the entire pile and try them all on.

The pants that fit, I moved onto hangers in my closet. The rest got put back on the top shelf for another thirty days.

The largest pair of pants that I owned were a 42" waist, but most of them were 40’s. I’ve never been a fan of that 40 number, by the way. My first real weight-loss journey (remember, I’ve yo-yo’ed quite a few times) came when I was eighteen or so and my mother Shirley was buying me some work pants for a new job. I had just grabbed a pair of 38’s like I always did, by my mom insisted I try them on.

I still remember that sinking feeling of being in that dressing room and trying to stuff my gushing gut into those too-small slacks. I came out to get approval from the boss, who simply shook her head and handed me the dreaded 40’s.

It devastated me, and it didn’t help that my father Horace really laid in with the jokes. I remember we were having pizza that night for dinner, and I wouldn’t have any. I skipped dinner altogether that night, as I recall. That was the start of my first effective weight-loss journey, but unfortunately it wasn’t the end of the 40" trousers.

Which brings me back to those twenty-four pair, teasing me from the top shelf.

Each month, the pile comes down, and a slightly smaller pile goes back up.

Twenty-four down, eighteen back up.

Eighteen day, eleven back up.

Eleven down, five back up.

Now the 40’s are long gone and the 38’s have been retired as well. There are some 36’s still in my closet, but I’m mostly in 34's these days.

What started with 24 pair is now down to just two, a pair of 33" waist Eddie Bauer dress slacks (the EB ones always seem to run a little smaller, I noticed) and my a brand-new still-tagged pair of 32" Levi jeans.

I bought those jeans years and years ago, and they were my “goal” jeans. I never came close to being able to wear them; I’m not even sure why I bought ‘em, except, well… hope springs eternal, I guess.

This week, I tried on the dress slacks and they were still too small to close the clasp. I was about to just throw ‘em back up on the shelf and go about my business, but I had a “what the hell?” moment and grabbed the jeans (which I usually don’t even bother to try on ). I guess I just wanted to see how much work was left to do, now that I was coming to the end of the road.

I slipped the jeans on and pulled them up. I took a deep breath and pulled them to close. It wasn’t exactly what you’d call a perfect fit, but I buttoned them up and stood there dumbfoundedly gazing at myself in the mirror.

I couldn’t, in good conscience, move those 32’s off the top shelf, but I will one day very soon.

Game on.

53 comments:

  1. Way to go, Jack. Those 32s are beckoning. I experience intense fear of the clasp some day breaking free and ricocheting around the room. I guess that's why I like elastic waistbands so much.

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  2. I love this. And what a great feeling those Levis must have brought as they zipped up AND snapped close. It won't be too long before they're making a public appearance. Way to go!

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  3. and I can't wait to see you strutting them on your blog Jack!

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  4. Tight jeans are back, man. You can change the saying from "Rock out with your c*ck out" to "Rock out with your c*ck stuffed nicely in those 32" waist jeans."

    It doesn't rhyme, but it probably looks better, and is far less illegal.

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  5. Nice to know that guys have "goal" clothes too! Great job with the jeans!

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  6. This is a great personal account of a non-scale victory, Jack. Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Listen Jack, if you didn't have to lay down on your bed to button those jeans, you REALLY ARE almost there! When you get there, let's have a photo.

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  8. Great work Jack, there is nothing worse than a pair of pants that don't fit properly, especially when you get a saggy bum in them!
    You'll be in those pants in no time and then we will be reading about how you need to buy new ones, becasue nothing in your closet fits!

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  9. Thats a really good idea, actually, to try the pants on once a month or so. I have pants ranging anywhere from 42w to 28w (which I have NEVER actually fit into, they were a gift). My 38w pants are getting a little looser, but I don't think I'm ready for 36w yet...

    ..one day though, soon I hope

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  10. Those pants will taunt you until you can move them into the closet.... You can do it!!
    You have travelled a long road and those pants as well as many others will find a home in your closet till they too get recycled for a new better fitting pair.
    Way to go Jack!!

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  11. Size 32 LEVIS??? That's a big deal. Huge. Those Levi sizes are unforgiving as the hubs can attest to.

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  12. So glad that gals aren't alone in doing the "try 'em on - not quite yet" challenge. I am psyched for you about the 32s! I know that feeling - looking in the mirror and amazed that those "goal pants" actually just zipped! It is a great feeling - one you've worked for and deserve! Congrats! :)

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  13. love it :-)

    I found a pair of size 10 jeans which I'd bought a while ago and not even bothered to try on because I knew they just weren't going to do up... they fit now, I'm very chuffed :-)

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  14. A clasp? A clasp? On Levis? I am hoping, for the sake of all that is holy, that you meant button - as in button fly!

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  15. GO JACK GO! When you get those bad boys on you gotta share a picture with us! :)

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  16. New jeans are one of my weight loss rewards. It's coming soon too!
    Way to rock in your pants dude!

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  17. Thats freaking awesome!! what a great idea!

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  18. It's time for somebody to do some major clothes shopping!!!!!!!!! I had a little shopping excursion yesterday and it was the funnest. Which was so so not the case for so many years.

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  19. Sweet! I have that same experience with my clothes, right down to the getting rid of too-big clothes, and saving the too-small clothes forever.

    This weekend I figured out that I've lost 4 sizes so far. Feels good, doesn't it!?

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  20. This is a true great story Jack!!! I just can't stop smiling. Way to go!!!

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  21. Woohoo! Totally saw myself in this post :)

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  22. woo hoo game on indeed! Who's laughing now huh! ;)

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  23. I love measuring weight loss in jeans ... very very cool and congrats. That shelf will soon be empty.

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  24. YAY!!! Good for you! Great, actually! I'm into all my size 12s, even the skinny Calvin Klein pencil skirt!

    Ain't it grand???

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  25. wow, jack has goal pants! I knew women did this,I had no idea men did. Feels good don't it. I am in 18's right now. My goal is a 6 at the end of this road. I have a bunch of 16's a goood friend gave me, and I have a size 12 that I bought about three months ago. Whileyour hope sprang eternal mine completely collapsed. Any pants I had left were simply a result of my being too lazy to clean my closet out completely.
    Keep up the great work.

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  26. Awesome! I bet they won't make it back up on that shelf next time...

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  27. WOOT! Great stuff - you know I was on a pants mission of my own this morning. Fantastic progress. I you gave me a great laugh about "drunk, fat and stupid" being nowhere to be! Thanks for your ongoing inspiration and HUMOR.

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  28. What a great way to show your progress other than the scale. You'll be rocking those 32's in no time.

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  29. That's awesome! Clothes are such a great measure of how you're doing.

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  30. Ahh! Super congrats to you Jack! I love anything Pants related, but you know that already.

    Viva La Pants!

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  31. That's nearly TEN pants sizes!! What an amazing journey you've been on Jack. :) Just wanted you to know I am still reading here. Tryin' to lose my last 10 lbs. Always the hardest!

    I know those 32 Levis will be coming down very, very soon.

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  32. That's amazing. You know how much I love a good Pants Success Story. Anytime you want to send some out to the Bloggerhood, I'll be there with my video camera!!

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  33. Congratulations! What an awesome story. Stick to it, and there's no telling how far you'll go!

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  34. Very cool! I, too, have a tub of pants in every size from here to 12. Someday I will run out of pants and have to buy 10's :)

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  35. This is awesome! You'll have to change your reward for losing 90 pounds to buy all new 32's!
    Congrats!
    Very inspiring too!

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  36. That is the most frigging awesome thing I've read on the internet ALL DAY!!! :) You rock Jack! And if you like that HCGADO gauntlet, why not find a race and join the CHALLENGE?

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  37. Clothes certainly tell us the truth, don't they!!! It is not always the scale!

    CONGRATS!!!! Very proud of you!

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  38. Game on, indeed! Congrats on all your success. And thanks for the nice comment you left me.

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  39. WOOHOO Congrats!! You are doing soooooo well! Can't wait to see you rocking those 32's! :D

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  40. By the way... that pic is just tooo much! :-)

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  41. Excellent. Congratulations for fitting into those smaller jeans. I too keep a bunch of jeans and the ones that are too big... out. The amount of weigh you have lost is truly inspiring.

    Great post.

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  42. I always read your blog in amazement at your progress Jack. The picture made me snort in the most unattractive manner though!

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  43. Can't wait to see the reveal!!

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  44. I love this. I had no idea men have "goal jeans"! Way to get in some new pants Jack! ;)

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  45. And here I thought women were the only ones that did that. I have a pair of EB's that I've been trying on for 2 months. First they didn't fit. Then they fit but with a muffin top. Now they fit but if I sit down I can't breath. They do run small because all my other jeans are getting big while these hardly fit at all.

    Great job, Jack.

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  46. love it.
    i still ain't lost enough to downsize pants but i like this idea alot. maybe some down my pile of pants will start to shrink... in more ways than one!

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  47. AWESOME post. :) glad I read back a few days. I've recently moved to a lower size too.. which is odd, because my weight hasn't been shifting.. but my body has. feels great, doesn't it?

    can't wait to hear when the levis are hanger worthy. :)

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