Sunday, November 8, 2009
My Jokes May Get Old, But Losing Weight Never Does…
Weekly weigh-in: 210.8
Total loss: 80.7 lbs.
An old man shuffles into a confessional, and the following conversation ensues:
Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I'm Jewish.
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I'm telling everybody!
The other day, I was at the grocery store engaging in my favorite hobby (reading ingredients and loudly harrumphing), when I was approached by a guy I hadn’t seen in a year or so.
Suddenly, I had the oddest sensation: I saw what other people are seeing when they look at me these days. This guy had lost fifty pounds since I’d last laid eyes on him, and the transformation was absolutely amazing. I shot a wide-eyed smile at him and exclaimed, “Man, you look fantastic!” And there was nothing convoluted or forced about the statement; he really did look terrific.
“Look who’s talking,” he replied, and that’s when it hit me like a ton of fat.
Up until now, I’ve taken all the compliments and well wishes in stride. I’ll blog about my weight until the cows get skinny, but I still have trouble talking about it to people one-on-one. But I don’t know; the experience of seeing someone else I hadn’t expected lose the weight… well, it somehow made me have a greater appreciation for my own accomplishment.
Eighty freakin’ pounds, thank you very much.
High-fiving a hobo?
Buddy, I’m high-fiving everybody!