Listen Up...

Body: Jack? Oh Jackie…?

Jack: You? What do you want?

Body: I need you to do me a favor...

Jack: Whatcha need?

Body: I want to you to grab a big ol’ bowl of chips and guacamole, maybe a beer or two... and sit your ass down in that easy chair over yonder.

Jack: Excuse me?

Body: Look, those shows we DVR’d ain’t gonna watch themselves…

Jack: I was thinking about heading out for a workout.

Body: Awww no. We did that yesterday.

Jack: I know…

Body: And you went for a run yesterday morning.

Jack: So what?

Body: So… haven’t you ever heard of a little thing called an “off” day?

Jack: I think I banked quite a few “off” days in the past.

Body: No, no… it’s a “use ‘em or lose ‘em” kind of deal.

Jack: I’m not sure I trust you, buddy.

Body: I just don’t see what harm there is in a little downtime in front of the tube…

Jack: And I think you’ve got another good workout in you today.

Body: I’m soooooore.

Jack: You’re a sorehead.

Body: I’m serious as a…

Jack: …heart attack?

Body: Yeah, as a… no. That’s not what I meant.

Jack: Come on… the sooner we get started, the sooner we get done.

Body: But I don’t wanna!

Jack: I said, come on!

Body: Don’t you know that you’re supposed to be listening to your body?

Jack: I tried that for a while and it didn’t work out.

Body: Yeah?

Jack: Yeah… now it’s time for my body to start listening to me.

THE DAILY SCALE

"I never see what has been done," said Buddha.
"I only see what remains to be done." Smart dude
(though let's be honest... he could have stood to lose a few pounds). 

Hungry Day

Hungry day,
Don’t care ‘bout
What I weigh.
On the way to
Go eat something. Sweet

!

Can you tell me how to get,
Get back to good-for-me street?



Just today
I visited
A buffet.
Lotsa vittles there
That I like to eat.



Can you tell me how to get,

Get back to good-for-me street?

How to get to good-for-me street.
How to get to good-for-me street.

THE DAILY SCALEY

 The Olympics are cancelled? But I love that show!

Hello

We haven't been properly introduced...

My name is Jack, and I've been blogging just about every day for almost three-and-a-half years. If you stacked my blog posts on top of one another, they would reach 1/245,000,000th of the way to the moon!

When I began, I was tipping the scales at or around 300 pounds. Maybe you weigh a lot more than that and maybe you don't weigh anything near that, but for me that was the sh*t-your-pants mark. That's when I got nervous... and serious...

I proceeded to lose around 90 pounds, maintained for a year and then found myself doing something I call "gaintaining". I was still working out and trying to eat right, but I was slipping. I'm not where I want to be right now, but I haven't given up on myself.

I goof off on this site a lot because, let's face it: what's there to say? I mean, really? We know what we need to do. We will do it or we won't.

Some days I do it. Some days I don't.

But I'm still here.

And you are, too.

That's gotta count for something.

If you'd like, you can connect with me on Twitter or Facebook or just shoot me an email at jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com. I'm also on LinkedIn for some strange reason or other and post from time to time on Pinterest (though I seem to have gotten dispinterested recently). Note, my eHarmony profile has been deleted due to the fact that the heavy traffic it was generating kept crashing the site's servers. Finally, I'll be doing a little something-something at Fitbloggin' next month; if you're going, please don't come up to me and ask me to pay you back the money I borrowed; that makes you look so, so greedy.

 THE DAILY SCALEY

After a post like this, you really think I'd have weighed 

myself today instead of throwing up another cute baby animal pic.

W.I.D.T.H. Bells On

I'm kind of a goofball on this site more days than not, but understand this: I'm passionate about this sh*t. And from the responses I've gotten (and continue to get) from my W.I.D.T.H. ("Why I Do This Here") feature, I take it that there are quite a few folks who share my passion. 

 

Why are you doing this? Why are you committed to losing weight or living more healthy? Have you really thought about it? Will you? And when you do, will you snap a quick pic and email it (along with a blog link if you want it included) to jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com? 

VonChunk@VonChunk's Blog

Greg@Why Quantum Physicists...

 

 

THE DAILY SCALEY

“If you run out of ideas follow the road; you'll get there”
–Edgar Allan Poe

And The Tips Just Keep On Coming...

• If you can’t eat foods with lots of antioxidants, at least try to eat foods without a lot of pro-oxidants.

• Calculating your target heart rate is simple; just do this quick equation in your head: If 1/2x +1/2(1/2x + 1/2(1/2x +1/2(1/2x + ... = y, then x = ? (note: that’s not really your target heart rate; I just wanted to see your head explode).

• You don’t need to purchase an expensive water filter; simply spit out all the harmful stuff as you’re drinking.

• Taking ginseng every day will help your memory, but I haven’t figured out good way to remember to take it.

• Keeping a food journal is useful but kind of boring; how about keeping a food murder mystery?

• Reading labels at the grocery store is important; I was about to buy a bottle of Karo Corn Syrup but looked at the ingredients and saw that it has corn syrup in it. For shame!

• You can make your own hand sanitizer by using a sink and some soap, dumbass.

• Eating at home instead of going out will help in your weight loss efforts, mostly because of what a bad cook you are.

• Refrain from calling yourself names like “idiot,” “total failure” or “loser.” Use friendlier terms, such as “brain-challenged,” “pre-success lollygagger” or “underwinner.”

THE DAILY SCALEY

I don't like to think of it as a gain... more of a...
OKAY, IT'S A FREAKIN' GAIN. GET OFF MY BACK! 

More Weight Loss Jingles

Alka-Sweatzer

You worked too hard.

You ate too much.

The cheesecake’s made you flabby.

Let your aching head and stomach
,
Hear this message from old Jacky.



(Sung)

I’ll-get-sweat-tee.
Pump, pump.
Fizz fizz.
I’m a hard-working workout whiz.

Pump, pump,

Fin-ished!

Oh, what a relief it is!


Gimme a Break!
Gimme a break,

Gimme a break,

Break my finger if I try to eat a Kit Kat bar.


On the Label, Label, Label
If it says cornsyrup, cornsyrup, cornsyrup,

On the label, label, label.

You should avoid it, avoid it, avoid it.

If you’re able, able, able.

Health It Our Way
Hold the mayo, eat more lettuce.

Fast food restaurants sure don’t get us.

All we ask is that you let us

Health it our way..
.
(Chorus)
Health it our way!

Dr. Blogger
I’m a blogger, he’s a blogger, she’s a blogger.

We’re a blogger, wouldn’t you like to be a blogger, too?

I’m a blogger he’s a blogger’ she’s a blogger 

We’re a blogger, wouldn’t you like to be a blogger, too?

THE DAILY SCALEY

I said I need a scale technician to come out RIGHT AWAY!

How to Get Guys to Quit Hitting On You at the Gym

• Work out in a nun outfit.

• Hire a professional flirter to just stand there and talk to you the entire time so that no one else has chance to approach you (I charge $15 an hour, plus expenses).

• Pin your “Abstinence Contract” on your back.

• Most of the time, one taser shot to the groin will make a dude lose his interest in you.

• Refrain from doing the rowing machine topless.

• Repeat everything guy says to you in funny cartoon character voice.

• “I admire a man who isn’t afraid to hit on a mafia kingpin’s wife. Uh oh, is that Johnny ‘Bonecrusher’ Bottego over there?”

• Wear an astronaut helmet and tin-foil leg warmers.

• “What time is it? I have a rare disease that makes me vomit violently every 15 minutes.”

• Spin around the room carrying a 30-lb kettlebell.

• Exercise really, really hard so that your clothes are all sweaty. Ewwwwww!

THE DAILY SCALEY

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.