Things Not To Do At The Farmer’s Market

I recently ran into this article about Things Not to Do at a Farmer’s Market and thought the writer really did a poor job with the tips (mostly because I constantly do all the things she said not to do; how can I see which tomatoes are right for me without giving each and every one of them a little squeeze?).

Now I normally don’t like to tell people how to do their job, BUT, LADY... THIS IS HOW YOU DO YOUR JOB:

• Refrain from making elaborate puppet show with vegetables, even though your “Spongebok Choypants” skit IS hilarious.

• Thumping the watermelon to see if it’s ripe is acceptable; thumping the person at cash register to get her attention is not.

• Don’t take a magic marker and draw nipples on all the cantaloupes.

• If a little old lady is struggling with a heavy load of fruits and vegetables, help her get them into her car before stealing her purse.

• Don’t try to return a seedless watermelon because you found a seed inside; they’re onto that trick!

• None of the vendors really like it when you ask if the price for the vegetables includes a tractor ride around the parking lot.

• They say that the best deals at the farmer’s market happen late in the day, but I do not recommend rolling in at midnight.

• Don’t dress up like a giant ear of corn and strut around saying “Shuck me, baby!” to everyone you meet.

THE DAILY SCALEY

I blame gain on the heavy, heavy tie...