Thursday, March 6, 2014

Wedding Cake Crashers

Jack Sh*twith: Eclaire! Will you wait just a second? All I wanted was a second alone with you so I could explain things. But I’ve never gotten that chance. Maybe I don’t deserve it, so here goes. For longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings. I crashed weddings to eat free food. Business was good. I ate a *lot* of food. It was childish and it was unhealthy.

Eclaire: And pathetic.

Jack Sh*twith: Yeah. That’s probably the best word to describe it. But you know what? It also led me to you and your weight loss blog, so it’s hard for me to completely regret it. And that person that was commenting over at your blog? That was really me. Maybe not my name, I mean… who’s really named “Jack Sh*twith” by the way? Or my job. I’m not really a Knife Thrower’s Assistant’s Assistant. But the comments I left; the jokes, the words of encouragement, that was all me. I’ve changed. I’ve realized something. I crashed a funeral today.

Jeremy: [mutters] Oh Jesus.

Jack Sh*twith: It wasn’t my idea, I was basically dragged to it.
[to Jeremy] 
 I went with Chazz who you forgot to tell me is totally insane. He also might be a genius because it actually does work; they really serve a great spread at after-funeral get-togethers.

Eclaire: Jack!

Jack Sh*twith: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That’s neither here nor there. Anyway, I saw this widow and she’s a wreck. She has just lost the person she loved the most in this world, and I realized we’re all going to kick the bucket eventually. That’s the way it is, but not me. Not right now. Because I can make positive changes in my life that actually give me a better chance to live a longer and more active life. Claire, I’m not standing here asking you to follow my blog or even leave a comment, I’m just asking you to maybe take a walk, eat a little better, take a chance.

Buddy, for your own good you gotta let this go.” 
-Jeremy Grey, Wedding Crashers


  1. I once thought that since we were al gonna die anyhow - then why not eat cake?
    In fact, eat all the cake!
    Now I think you are right. For my own good, buddy, I gotta let it go!
    Why be miserable whilst doing it?



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