Hints from Healthoise

• Just because you paid $2,000 to install a frozen-yogurt dispenser in the dashboard of your car doesn’t mean you have to use it on every trip you make!

• If you’re a vampire, be careful that you don’t “drink” all your calories. Incorporate fresh fruits and veggies into your diet!

• You can make your own healthy Omega-3 fish oil by oiling a fish and then adding some Omega-3 to it.

• You don’t need a gym membership to get fit; simply dress up like an elliptical and stand perfectly still whenever a staff member glances in your direction.

• If you want to know how much better weighing less feels, just gain 50 lbs and see for yourself.

• Having regular bowel movements is important for good health; telling everyone you meet that you have regular bowel movements is not.

• Just before yogurt has passed its “expiration date” doesn’t mean that you can’t feed it to somebody else in your family.

• One way to make yourself drink more water is take a stick of gum when I offer it to you (cuz it’s probably some of my joke jalapeño gum).

• Weighing less is a sound financial move; XXX-large coffins are expensive!