All Off Me

Some of me.

Why not lose some of me?

Can’t you see

That I'm so good when I’m fit.

Take my goals.

I want to meet them.

Take these chips

So I won’t eat them.

My good dietin’

Left me with days so tryin’

But I know that I

Am so good when I’m fit.

I lost the mass

That once was my ass.

I’m glad to lose some of me.

Some of you.
Why not lose some of you?
Can’t you see
You’re so good when you’re fit?
Take processed foods,
Try not to eat them.
Trust me now,
You just don’t need them.

Your good diet
If you really try it.
I know that you can
Go on here with less you
Your healthy quest
Will bring out your best.
Baby, take it all from me.


 


Tiptoe Through the Health Tips

• Baby aspirin, which has proven to be effective as a heart attack deterrent, is very expensive. However, you can make your own by mixing two parts regular aspirin and one part baby.

• When you’re considering snacks, be choosey instead of cheesey.

• Some fitness centers will let you work out for free if you are good enough at hypnotizing people.

• You can use your smartphone to help in your weight loss efforts. Just this morning, I burned over 300 calories running around the house screaming “Has anybody seen my phone?”

• You can turn your bed into a workout trampoline by… well, I guess all you have to do is jump on it. Did you really need me to tell you that? Come on!

• Ask yourself, “Do I really need to add a packet of sugar to this glass of sno-cone syrup?”

• Try to resist the temptation to eat only “whole” foods (for instance, a whole bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken).

• Resist the urge to eat an entire bag of potato chips during long elevator trips.

• One way to drink more water is to tinker around with the recipe. For instance, instead of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen, why not trying it with three (or four) parts hydrogen, one part water?

On the GMO: Interview with Leah “Bookieboo” Segedie

RING RING



Leah: Hello.



Jack: Is your refrigerator running?



Leah: What? Who is this?



Jack: Is your refrigerator running away from GMOs?


Leah: *sigh* … hello, Jack.



Jack: What’s shakin’, my sistah from anotha mistah? 
   


Leah: Are you calling me to tell me you finished that blog post about GMOs you promised me you’d write?



Jack: Ummmm… well, I had a better idea.



Leah: You want me to write it?



Jack: No! Just how lazy do you think I am?



Leah: Well, I think that if you woke up with nothing to do today, you’d go to bed with it only half done.



Jack: Well, I was just thinking that I could interview you and we could get the information across in that way.



Leah: Okay, Jack. We’ll try it your way...

Jack: Great! Let’s start with a little housekeeping; tell me your name, a little about your online community and then dust and vacuum my house for me.

Leah:

 Kiss my grits, Jack. My name is Leah Segedie. They know me as @Bookieboo on Twitter and I’m a mom on a mission to label GMOs. I’m the community leader of #mamavation, which is an obesity prevention sorority for moms. We kick health’s ass and shit. We’ve been around for over three years and have had over 180,000,000 mentions on Twitter.

Jack: Whoa…

Leah: Yeah, we’re kinda a big deal. But NOTHING compared to you.

Jack: I was just thinkin’ the same thing…

Leah: In the last three months, I’ve been working with CA Right to Know, which is a California initiative on the ballot to label genetically modified organisms. I’ve organized their nationwide blogger team and have worked on several online events for them.


Jack: If you were interviewing someone about GMOs, ummmmm... what’s the first question you’d ask?

Leah: I’m happy to do your work for you...lazy, ahem. I would–of course–ask about what the point of labeling is? Why should you care?

Jack: Well then, what’s the point of labeling? Why should I care?


Leah: As it stands now, you go to the grocery store and about 80% or more of it is genetically modified. And most people have no idea. Why is that? It’s ‘cause nothing is labeled. So you have NO idea if what you’re eating has been altered in a laboratory or not. People have the right to know what they’re eating.



Jack: I don’t want to sound insentive, but isn’t this all just a bunch of hippies bitching about the environment and want us all to eat organic tofu-granola?


Leah:  Listen, Jack: over 50 countries either label OR outright banned genetically modified food because it has NOT been proven safe. In fact, China and Russia labels them, and I just want as much freedom as those countries. Don’t you?

Jack: Hell yeah I do. So you’re saying it’s a safety issue?



Leah: The safety of genetically modified food has NOT been determined yet. There has been ZERO independent testing in the US of this. In fact, when it was introduced quietly by the FDA into this country, there was no independent testing done even through the FDA’s own scientists recommended it. They just took Monsanto’s word for it. Monsanto has been wrong before, you know. They were also behind DDT and Agent Orange. Weren’t those also “proven” safe by the companies that created them? It’s all very odd.

Jack: To be fair, they no longer put Agent Orange in breakfast cereal…


Leah: GMOs are being linked to all sorts of nasty diseases via independent testing in Europe. In fact, Europeans are so afraid of GMOs that it’s only in about 5% of their food supply, as opposed to ours at over 80%.

Jack: That’s less than half…

Leah: And the following diseases have been identified with rat/salmon studies in Europe:  cancer, obesity, infertility, “leaking of the gut”, irritable bowel, ADHD, Aspergers, organ failure and allergies. 



Jack: And I guess that leads me to my most important question: are you going to ban my Cheesy Poofs?


Leah: No, this is only a law to label, not to ban. Eat whatever you want. Just give me a choice to avoid it if I want to.

Jack: You know, this GMO stuff is starting to tick me off!



Leah: Yeah? Maybe you should write a blog post about it…



Jack: Yeah, well… ummmmm… I gotta go cut the grass.



Leah: You and a lawn mower are a lot alike, Jack.



Jack: Really?



Leah: You’re both loud, hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time.



Jack: So I guess you coming over to do that housekeeping is out of the question?



Leah:  *click*

Tale As Old As Time...

Pants as large as France. 

Big as they can be.

Barely even fits,

Then the rear end splits
Unexpectedly.



Time to make a change.

Small at the very least.

Now that I am focused,

I think I may have noticed,

Booty has decreased.



Never giving up.

Never giving in.

Never eating crap.

Never the last lap;
This race is ours to win. 



Pants not big as France.
Fit me like a glove
Oh-so sweet and fine,
Off-brand Calvin Klein.
Looking great (sort of).

Heading down to goal,
Crappy eating ceased.

Keeping really busy.
Work out ‘til I’m dizzy. 

Booty has decreased.

Keeping really busy.
(Please don’t sue me, Disney) 

Booty has decreased.

A Hunka Hunka Burnin' Calories

 A hunka hunka burnin' calories... that's what I wish I could claim over the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I had to help host a group of out-of-towners to my fair city, and that included plenty of food, drink and... yes... a trip to Graceland.

 Graceland, the home of Elvis Presley, attracts 700,000 visitors a year, and it seems like each of them want me to take them there. What's up with that?

 But Elvis and I do have at least one thing in common: we each have a photo of ourselves in an elaborate frame hanging in our crib.

 And I do have to admit that he has a more decked-out man cave than I do.

 I'm still having bad dreams about this room! 

 But the main take-away I got from my trip to visit the King is that even the fanciest clothes don't make you look good if you're grossly overweight. 

It ain't nothin' but a pound, dawg.

THE WEEKLY PHYSIQUELY

 

Last week: 241.8 lbs.

Loss: -.6

(No congrats on a loss, please... I had gotten down into the 230's before a week of off-track festivities;
but heading back in right direction now)

Are You W.I.D.T.H. Me?

Noted philosopher and personal trainer Friedrich Nietzsche once said “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” I couldn't have said it better myself, Freddie.

Have you got a good "why", a good reason why you're striving to live your life in a more healthy manner. If you do, I'd love for you to scribble it down on a note, photograph yourself with it and email it to me at jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com. Be sure and include a blog link if you'd like it included.

 

 Dixie

Texas Has a Health-House In It!

[Jack]
Texas has a health-house in it!

[Chorus]

Lard have mercy on our scales. 

[Jack]

Texas has a health-house in it!

[Chorus]

Lard have mercy on our scales.

[Jack]

   I'll expose the facts about this health nut named Miss Miz.

Please click on this link to see how dumb... my guest post is.

[Chorus]

See how dumb his guest post is!