Suffering from “Cramnesia”

Weekly weigh-in: 250.2
Loss: +.7
Total loss: -41.3

Emotion: Don’t remember

Apparently, I have come down with a mysterious ailment.

It seems that whenever I cram food in my piehole, I somehow forget about the whole concept that there is some sort o relationship between calories consumed and weight loss.

This “cramnesia” strikes at inopportune times, derailing my best efforts at making progress on the scale. I can spend an hour pumping out sweat in the gym, then absent-mindedly overdo it on the eating front.

The most frustrating thing is not that my doctor won’t prescribe something for my  “cramnesia” but refuses to acknowledge that it is even a medical condition. That’s the last time I search for a doctor on craigslist!

So anyway, if anyone has heard of a reliable treatment for “cramnesia”, please pass it along.

Working Out Why Working Out Sucks Doesn’t Suck (plus Giveaway)

I’ll be honest: I was a little apprehensive as I started reading Working Out Sucks! by Chuck Runyon, the CEO and Co-Founder of Anytime Fitness. I figured that it would be a book-length brochure for his fitness center enterprise, and besides… I was already in the choir that he was preaching to.

I mean, didn’t I write posts like “Working Out Really Sucks,” “You Know What Sucks? Working Out!” and “Nothing Sucks Like Working Out Sucks”? No, I’m asking. Did I write those posts? I’ve written a lot of stuff and I can’t keep track of it all…

But as I got into the book, I noticed that there was something about the tone… a little bit snarky while still being smart, a little bit in-your-face confrontational while staying lively and conversational, that sparked my interest. Oh, there’re plenty of informative facts and figures (as well as a 21-day health and fitness, plus coupons for a free 30-Day Anytime Fitness club pass or a complimentary one-year Anytime Health online membership), but the whole thing comes off more like an intervention.

 

Chuck goes into vivid detail about all the roadblocks that we face on our path to a healthier life–lack of time, not enough money and the other usual suspects–then proceeds to drive a steamroller over each and every one of them in turn.

And it’s all true. All the excuses that trip us up aren’t nearly as daunting or intimidating as we like to make them out to be.

But where the book really drew me in were the personal accounts of real people and their watershed moments of how they changed their lives through a commitment to exercise and healthy living. These short, first-person accounts (accompanied by before-and-after pics) read like short blog posts and really drive home the message more that statistics and speechifying ever could.

Simple changes can make your life better. You can make a small investment in yourself and your future and see dividends almost immediately. Some days, working out DOES suck, but the only thing that feels worse that exercising is NOT exercising.

Note: If you need one more reason to pick up Working Out Sucks!, all profits from the book are going to Limbs for Life, a global nonprofit organization providing prosthetic care for individuals who can’t otherwise afford it.

Giveaways Don’t Suck! I know how you are about paying for things, so here’s your opportunity to get a free copy of Working Out Sucks!, compliments of Anytime Fitness.

Enter the following two ways:

•    Mandatory Entry: Leave a comment on this post telling me what excuses you have used in the past to get out of working out.

•    Optional Extra Entry: Tweet the following…

@JackSht may suck but Working Out Sucks doesn’t! http://bit.ly/xOLnkc  #workingoutsucks

Giveaway ends this Sunday, January 8, at 10 PM CST. Good luck… and may God have mercy on your soul!

Fitfluential LLC compensated me for this sponsored post. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Fatanic

INT. DINING SALOON

 

                                   RUTH

Tell us of the food in steerage, Mr. Sh*t. I hear it’s quite good on this ship.

                                   JACK

The best I've seen, m'am. Hardly any rats.


                                    CAL
Mr. Sh*t is joining us from seventh class. He was of some assistance to my fiancee last night.


                                   JACK
I just showed her the proper way to do pelvic thrusts.


                                   CAL
Anyway, This is foie gras, Jack. It's…


                                   JACK
Goose liver, I know. But did you know that foie gras is surprisingly low in bad fats and high in good fats?


                                GUGGENHEIM 

                          (low to Madame Aubert)
What is Hockly hoping to prove, bringing this... blog-hemian... up here?


                                  WAITER
                                   (to Jack)
Would you care for some caviar, sir?


                                    JACK
That’s a tough one… caviar’s really high in cholesterol and sodium, but on the other hand, it’s a rich source of vitamins A and D, as well as omega-3 fatty acids which some researchers say can aid in deterring depression.

                               
                                   RUTH
And where exactly do you live, Mr. Sh*t?


                                   JACK
Well, right now my address is the RMS Fatanic. After that, I'm thinking about stowing away on the Good Ship Lollipop.


                                   RUTH
You find that sort of rootless existence appealing, do you?


                                   JACK
Well... I’m all about staying active, and seeing the world is a great way to do it. Plus, these big ships have really nice fitness facilities. I just hate that they serve 12 meals a day… and that midnight chocolate fountain dessert buffet is a killer! Literally and figuratively! But I’ve learned a hard lesson in this life: to make every calorie count.


                                   MOLLY
Well said, Jack.


                                   COLONEL GRACIE
Here, here.


                                   ROSE
To making every calorie count.


                                   RUTH
How is it you have the means to travel, Mr. Sh*t?


                                   JACK
I have a very popular health and dieting blog.


                                  GRACIE
How much does that make?


                                    JACK
A whole lot, unless you mean actual cash money.

                                   ROSE
Mr. Andrews, what are you doing? I see you everywhere writing in this little book.


                                   ANDREWS
Tracking calories. Our young friend Jack showed me how. See… one scoop of goose liver, 250 calories. It’s really quite informative.


                                   ISMAY
It’s gotten to be Thomas’ obsession. He even made me thin out the walls of the hull to make room for that silly lap pool he wanted installed.

                                  ANDREWS
I have to give Mr. Sh*t the credit for that idea.

                                  
                                   COLONEL GRACIE
Well, join me for a brandy, gentlemen?

                                   ROSE
Now they retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being masters of the universe.


                                   COLONEL GRACIE
Joining us, Sh*t? Or are you going to lecture us on how unhealthy brandy is?


                                   JACK
Actually, consuming 30 milliters of brandy per day reportedly has a similar antioxidant effect as a regular dose of vitamin C. But I’m going to get in a late-night workout. I might even do a little swimming once my supper settles…


                                   ROSE
Well, Jack. Thank you for sharing all that useful info on eating healthy and exercise. Is that what your blog is all about?

                                   JACK
No, that’s just the tip of the ice…

BLAAAAAM - CRRUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHH

…what the Hell was that?

I'm Feeling a Little (Health) Tipsy

• An easy way to remember to take a daily vitamin is to put 30 of them in your mouth at beginning of month and then just swallow one per day.

• Trade your power mower for a push version. If you already use a push mower, trade it in for a push mower that doesn’t have wheels.

• Instead of a glass of orange juice, which may be may be heat processed, watered down, sugared up and stored for a year, why not just drink an orange?

• One way to eat less pork is to raise a baby pig, letting it become your very best friend, and then take him on a field trip to a slaughterhouse.

• You can make good-for-you “Fruit Loops” by looping fresh fruit.

• In order to save calories, instead of 12 ounces of your favorite dish, try eating 11 ounces.

• Did you know that cheese dip isn’t really that unhealthy for your diet, according to a study published in Mexican Restaurant magazine?

• Got some old mushy bananas? Try going to the store and getting some new fresh bananas.

• Adopt the motto “after 8 is too late” for snacks after dinner, as well as the mottos “replace your Skittles with healthy vittles” and “losing weight won’t be so exhausting if you don’t eat that can of frosting.”

Famous Last Words

• “Maybe I’ll just look at the dessert menu…”

• “A week off from exercise will probably be good for me.”

• “Well, I AM on vacation…”

• “Since we’re working late, let’s just order in a pizza…”

• “Well, I hate for it to go to waste…”

• “I can’t really justify that gym membership anymore…”

• “Hey, who brought donuts?”

• “Maybe I’ll just get a small popcorn at the movies…”

• “I’ll just start a new diet on Monday…”

• “Just a little piece… well, maybe not that little… just a bit more…”

• “Maybe I’ll just watch one episode of Mad Men on Netflix on Demand…”

• “A coupon for the all-you-can-eat buffet, you say?”

• “Why not?”

Bam Ba Lam

Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 

Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 


Jack Sh*tty had a prob (Jog-n-Blog) 

Turned into a blob (Jog-n-Blog) 

Said he could change any time (Jog-n-Blog) 

But appears he was lyin’ (Jog-n-Blog) 


I said, Oh, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 

Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 



Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 

Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)
He got his life in gear (Jog-n-Blog)
Started laying off the beer (Jog-n-Blog)

He’s improved immensely (Jog-n-Blog) 

Now he lives less densely (Jog-n-Blog) 

Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 

Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 



Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 

Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog) 

He’s bloggin’ all the time (Jog-n-Blog) 

Don’t ever earn a dime (Jog-n-Blog) 

He may never get rich (Jog-n-Blog) 

But he’s a healthy sumb*tch. (Jog-n-Blog)
Whoa, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)
Go, Jack Sh*tty (Jog-n-Blog)

January First Things First