Saturday, November 24, 2012

I Am Full... of Health Tips!

• Turn a regular desk into a treadmill by flipping it upside-down, then figuring out some way to make a tread go round-and-round.

• Switch to low-fat, organic, whole wheat cigarettes.

• Can’t afford a fancy heart-rate monitor? You can make your own with a digital watch and a wire connected directly to your heart.

• Don’t go to the grocery store when you’re hungry or have a lot of money.

• You can make your diet more low-fat by eating less fat, dumbass.

• Enjoy the benefits of probiotic drinks, or, at the very least, don't drink a bunch of anti-biotic drinks.

• Can't sleep? Try a warm cup of Ambien tea right before bed.

• Some folks actually have trouble gaining weight; to those people I offer this simple-to-follow advice: why not try shutting the hell up, please?


  1. Could you please write a boring post just once with absolutely no laughs? You're making the rest of us look bad.

    Hope you had a great thanksgiving... and those had to be the best thanksgiving tips EVER.

  2. oh look! nfl live streaming...lololol...I often have trouble gaining weight, taking that along with my stunning good looks, my ability to speak 10 languages and my crapload of humility has been a burden I have been seeking to set aside...therefore, out of pity for the rest of humanity I have gained 20 lbs and Huffed spray paint until I settled down to my current IQ and haven't brushed my teeth in a month. I do what I can.

  3. I love this post! So true. Why do people say these things!

  4. With commenter names such as Crabby McSlacker and funny retorts such as Christine's, what more is left to say? Think I'll go shopping with a lot of money and great hunger just to feel better.

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