Friday, July 10, 2009

My Name is Sh*t. Jack Sh*t.


Ever since I lost 00.7 lbs. at my last weigh-in, I’ve been haunted by visions of an overweight secret agent running around town and getting into high-fat trouble. Here’s my list of James Bond movies if 007 was 307...
  • Dr. No Willpower
  • From Russia With Lard
  • Thunderbaloney
  • You Only Eat Twice
  • On Her Majesty's Secret Snackrun
  • Donuts Are Forever
  • Live and Let Diet
  • The Man with the Golden Twinkee
  • The Spy Who Loved Meat
  • Moonpieraker
  • For Your Mouth Only
  • Chocopussy
  • A View to a Meal
  • License to Grill
  • Diet Another Day
  • Casino Fudge Royale
  • Quantum of Salsa

64 comments:

  1. How do you come up with this stuff?? Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ROFLOL! Love those. Had to read them to hubby. I live for puns. They say it's a sign of intelligence. :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chocopussy?

    You are very creative!

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...and I thought "Octopussy" sounded dirty...

    *blush*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Live and Let Diet - Diet Another Day - I actually had been working on a post with that very same theme. We are linked together mentally, Jack. Incredible.
    MISH Money-PENNE was a looker, no?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I left "Tomorrow Never Diets" on the table, Anne. Didn't want to overdo it, y'know...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm not a Bond fan, but love the 'Donuts Are Forever' one. And only a handful of bloggers will understand why. ;)

    Notice the lack of sexual content in this comment.

    You're welcome. Heh.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great ones, Jack! BTW, "License to Grill" is the name of a TV show on the Food Channel here in Canada. It's one of husband's favourites!

    ReplyDelete
  10. "The Man With the Golden Twinkie" sounds a little dirty to me. No wonder he's such a stud.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are so creative. The last 2 were my fave!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'll have some quantum salsa and casino fudge royale for dessert. My husband, the man with the golden twinkie, will have the chocopussy.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hehe you said Lard :)
    Why do I find lard such a funny word?

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm following you after the " I lost the cupcake fight" comment...too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  15. These are quality, Jack. Dr No Willpower, might actually be the world's worst supervillain. Quick, go kill him!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. The Spy Who Loved Meat.

    Something I can relate to.

    ReplyDelete
  17. How about the Golden Rib Eye?


    I hope you get paid for sh*t like this in your day job. Awesome post!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. My favorite Bond line, "Let me expand your vocabulary." LOL

    ReplyDelete
  19. What will you think of next?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Chocopussy, and For Your Mouth Only? All hail the new Carlos.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think I saw Chocopussy. It's from those same dudes that make BangBus, right?

    ReplyDelete
  22. I know because at the end, they didn't give me the $300. And when I went to the cops, they wanted to arrest ME! So unreal, son.

    ReplyDelete
  23. How'd you pay for your abortion then?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Falling down the stairs is free.

    (You always take shit too far!)

    ReplyDelete
  25. It's topical! There was a thing on the news about a girl that said she did it for abortion money.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Another "BLOCKBUSTER" of a list. Well done Mr. Sh*t, well done!

    I have been going around saying Horace Sh*t and laughing all day. People think I am crazy....thanks alot!

    ReplyDelete
  27. She just said that so her dad wouldn't think she's slutty. Oh wait...

    ReplyDelete
  28. Chocopussy....galore! rotflol. mmmmm. hersheys....yuck.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Could everyone else please get out of the way and let Dina and Tricia talk for God's sake!

    Sorry, ladies. Carry on.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am literally about to die laughing at the comments! This is one for the Jack Sh*t Hall of Fame. Must be the full moon...

    ReplyDelete
  31. I love a guy with a sense of humor.Would you marry me? No, wait, I'm already married. You aren't Mormon are you? (no offence intended if any real Mormons are reading this, but then again, would a real Mormon read this?)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Lmao. Love bond movies. Love this blog. Love the comments.

    the fave has to be... the man with the golden twinkee.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm Mormon and I read it every day.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm a Jehovah, and I do too. Cults unite!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Tricia's dad's nickname is "Thunderbologna" just ask her.

    ReplyDelete
  36. My dad is at that age where he wears the loosest boxers possible and when he sits on the couch, his balls are almost always on full display. That's why I don't go home in summertime anymore. It only took 3 summers to learn that lesson.

    ReplyDelete
  37. cause you were too busy snapping photos obv.

    Dad + balls in the same sentence should be illegal.

    ReplyDelete
  38. That shirt should be illegal.
    OHHHH SICK BURN!

    ReplyDelete
  39. It once launched a thousand ships.

    One for each chin. :(

    ReplyDelete
  40. I'm supposed to be the one ripping on you, quit beating me to the chase.

    Think your dad has "hard luck" tattooed on his nuts too?

    ReplyDelete
  41. I can tell you for a fact that he does not. As for his wang, you gotta do the research on that one.

    ReplyDelete
  42. it says "Welcome to Jamaica have a great day"

    ReplyDelete
  43. It's "Welcome to Jamaica, mon. Have a great day." Way to totally mess that up.

    ReplyDelete
  44. And I haven't really seen Tricia's dad's wang.

    I mean, we have showered together, but I didn't peek.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Your dad has one on his that says "Don't throw out those slides."

    ReplyDelete
  46. And he pees in the shower like a racehorse.

    ReplyDelete
  47. You guys are lying. My dad would never want anyone near his penis to have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
  48. want.to.die.

    where do you think I learned the peeing from? duh

    Jack Shit's dad's penis says

    "Quit posting knock knock jokes and write about your feelings"

    ReplyDelete
  49. But his mom's vag says "Don't listen to your father, he's just upset about having a black president."

    ReplyDelete
  50. oh yeah, like HORSE, knee slap time!

    ReplyDelete
  51. I have "Wendy" tattooed on my penis too, small world.

    ReplyDelete
  52. You never fail to make me laugh, even in my dark times :)

    ReplyDelete
  53. Gayle's dark times really killed this parade of comedy.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails