Friday, July 24, 2009

Not-So-Great Weight Loss Mottos

I’m on a seemingly never-ending quest to find the perfect weight loss rallying cry. Not there yet…
  • “You only live once–try everything!”
  • “Yes, I would like fries with that!”
  • “Failure is not an option…just an annoyingly realistic possibility.”
  • “Remember, if you want to run with the big dogs, you need to learn how to pee in the tall grass.”
  • “Oh, what the hell…”
  • “WWRE? (What would Rush eat?)”
  • “Stop and smell the brownies”
  • “I have not yet begun to diet!"
  • “If at first you don’t succeed, have a donut.”
  • “One for all, and all for me!”
  • “I eat, therefore I am.”
  • “Are you gonna finish that?”
  • "Damn the torpedoes, full plate ahead!"
  • “Stop being a fatty, you fat fatty.”
  • “If you eat that, you’ll die!”
  • “One day at a time, my ass!”
  • “Not gonna stop unless I see an iHop!”
  • “I’m in no shape for exercise.”
  • “There’s an angel on my shoulder, and he really likes Cheese Nips.”
  • “Touch your toes, touch your toes, wish I’d skipped those Oreo’s.”
  • “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
  • “Here’s to a balanced diet–a cookie in each hand!”
  • “I’ll be back… after my snack!”
  • “I’ll start again on Monday!”


  1. Your comments always crack me up! Have a great weekend.

  2. “Oh, what the hell…”
    “I’ll start again on Monday!”

    Yep, those mottos are pretty much what got me into this situation :)

  3. My motto?

    "If life is an all you can eat buffet, I'll take(on) all the sausages."

    Words to live by. *tear*


  4. Hilarious....We need to turn these into bumper stickers!!! LOL!!!!

  5. Me: "Are you gonna eat that?" I finish off everyone's pizza crust. It's a habit I don't wanna kick.

  6. “Touch your toes, touch your toes, wish I’d skipped those Oreo’s.”

    Hahaha! Classic.


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  8. These would make great bumper stickers- better yet, ever hear of the site CAFE PRESS. You can design your own shirts, stickers, & lots of other stuff. We could all walk around with our own Jack Sh*t apparel! Seriously- I think I just made you some $$! COOL! :)

  9. According to my mother, my first word was cookie, so I'm partial to "Here's to a balanced diet - a cookie in each hand." Or better yet, a beer in each hand. Thank God my first word wasn't beer.

  10. LOL, I used to live by these, uh, until the fat started trying to kill me!

    Great post, of course!

  11. How 'bout, "Where'd that cute girl go? Did you eat her?" Works for me every morning when I look in the mirror! Surely, there is only one YOU, Jack. I'm with TJ - bumper stickers/t-shirts are you! Go forth and prosper.

  12. I'll start again on Monday. If I had a donut for every time those words were uttered. Oh wait, I probably did!

  13. Since I have started this 'new lifestyle', I have been standing behind people making craptistic food choices (like fries with cheez whiz and bacon bits) and these words have popped into my head every single time "If you eat that, you'll die"! luckily it never popped out of my mouth. I just never knew you were in my head! Great list, every single one was funny. I am taking 'stop being a fatty, you fat fatty' and running with it.

  14. Willie Nelson's: To All The Girls I've Loved Before (MY WAY)

    To all the cake I've loved before.
    That added fat to my "back door."
    I'm glad you came along.
    I'll never wear a thong.
    To all the cake I've loved before.

  15. Twinkie Twinkie Little Food eating you is ohh so good... I what Sally wrote lol.... excellent... those all were hysterical!

  16. I love it when the inmates take over the asylum.

  17. I've been crying lately. Not a battle cry, necessarily, but a cry nonetheless.

    Once again. A funny, fun post. Thanks for making a happy Friday.

  18. I'll have a large double cheeseburger, value sized fries, and a diet coke. After all, you have to cut down where you can!

  19. Good, funny stuff... keep up the good work! :)

  20. I especially like WWRE. LOL LOL LOL

  21. “Stop being a fatty, you fat fatty.”

  22. Another good one, Jack! I actually had to go to work, where I cannot blog, all day, endlessly. So I'm that last one in the dog heap! For now.

  23. I'm pretty sure I lived the Monday motto for my whole life! These are great.

  24. 1 for you, 2 for me. I remember that, its how come im fat.

    Maybe we could do this TOMRROW.

    Happy day dude!

  25. I'm a big fan of Rush...but THAT had me laughing out loud, good one. :)



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