Monday, July 27, 2009

If You Can't Say Something Nice...

Y’know, there’s such a wide range of insults for overweight individuals. Let’s see.. there’s Fatso, Fatty, Fatass. Jellybelly, Beer Belly, Buddha Belly. Lardass, Chubby and Flabula. I could go on and on…

In fact, I think I will: the Blob, the Human Eclipse, Chunkmeister, Thunder Thighs, Buffalo Butt, Rolly-polly, Two-ton, Butterball, Big Mac, Blubberbutt, BiscuitButt, Chair-Crusher, Husky, Jelly Roll, Jiggles, Lard Lad, Lord of the Fries, Lumpy, McFatterson, Manitee, Muffin Top, Pork Butt, Pudgy, Rumpapotimus, Sasquatch, Slop Gobbler and Snuffleupagus.

Hmmmm… there’s Count Fatula, Crisco Kid, Sumo, Sweat Factory, Triple Chin, Sir Cumference, Dough Boy, Double Wide, Titanic, Tub-O-Lard, Wide Load and the classic Fatty-Fatty, Two-by-Four, Can’t Get Through the Bathroom Door.

But what if you’re skinny? I could only think of two insulting names to call underweight folks: Skinny Minnie and Minnie Skinny.

Now I’m not advocating name-calling, but c’mon, fair’s fair. So in the interest of impartiality, I’m working on the development of a list of insults for underweight individuals.
  • Gaunt Galoot
  • Bony Pony
  • Scrawny Screwball
  • Cadaverous Cretin
  • Malnourished Malcontent
  • Skelatal Skank
  • Undernourished Underling
  • Rawboned Rickety-Ass
  • Lascivious Lightweight
  • Thin Tin Tin
  • Lanky Lunatic
  • Bulimic Blockhead
  • Emaciated Imbecile
  • Twisted Twig
  • Featherweight Freak
  • Haggard Hag
  • Peaked Pencilneck
  • Slinky Stinkie
  • Dainty D-Bag
  • Beanstalk Blockhead
  • Twiggy Twit
  • Anarexic Asswipe
  • Gangly Gargoyle
  • Skinny Skunkbottom
  • Skinny Ninny
  • Lanky & Stanky
  • Puny Punk
  • Bulemic Bonehead
  • Stringy Stringbean
  • Slinky Stinky
  • Shriveled Shrew
  • Skin-and-Bonehead
  • Slimpleton
Please feel free to chime in with your own insults (as if you weren’t going to anyway…).

34 comments:

  1. I'm speechless! Bony Pony? Sir Cumference? You, my friend, are a very strange puppy!

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  2. Thin Tin Tin!! Love the list. You hit another one out of the park.

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  3. Am I allowed to say, "Skinny Whore"?

    I'm thinking yes, since you used the word "asswipe"

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  4. ah Jack... someday I have to show you a pic of me and Hubs. We're rumpapottamus and Stringy Stringbean together.

    hilarious!!

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  5. Wow. Thanks for bringing back painful childhood memories!
    I think I was called about 65% of those.
    (pause---feeling sorry for myself)

    OK--I'm over it now. Nice job.

    My best
    Sean

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  6. Wow! Who would have thought you could think of so many names for skinny people!!

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  7. Skeletal skank...I think I may use that one someday.

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  8. slinkie stinkie- that's a cool one. When I have lost all my weight I want to be called-twiggy twit.
    Great post

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  9. Thanks for the comment on my blog. I'm ready to set off the fireworks!!!

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  10. If someone called me Flabula, I wouldn't mind a bit! If they called me any of these other names, I'd cut a b*tch!

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  11. I think you have pretty much leveled the playing field..lol!

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  12. Ahhhh, they can't help being skinny little twits. Poor, skinny bastards.

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  13. I can't help it, I would gladly be called one of those names...gladly...

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  14. Huh, I've only ever heard skinny bitch. Maybe if they'd used something creative I wouldn't have been so irritated...

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  15. lol, SKELETAL SKANK.... ran into one of these at walmart last night. When I was in basic, I had a female drill whom I dubbed skeletor. She called me Jackie o because I managed to sneak in lip gloss. It was a hate hate relationship.
    chris
    chrislivessimple.blogspot.com

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  16. Felt like I was back in school for a moment there! Loved "Rawboned Rickety-Ass". Too funny!

    http://hecate-metamorphosis.blogspot.com

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  17. Sir cumference is by far my fav!

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  18. Snigger...Thin Tin Tin...Sir Cumference...after having someone ask me the other day how much longer til the baby (we're due with #3 in MARCH for heaven's sake!)...OY!

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  19. I think you have covered most of them! You are so funny! In the old days, I called them "bitc*". I was one jealous gal!!! Now, I still mutter under my breath for those that don't have to work as hard but it is what it is! :-)

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  20. There's bony assed. Your names are much more creative though.

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  21. my favorite insult from a man when describing having sex with a skinny woman: It's like F-ing a bag of antlers!

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  22. ...you forgot Shamu and Free Willy...maybe you never personally experienced those 2 like I did. :)

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  23. I'm LMFAO! The names I usually say for the skinny girls aren't very original nor are they very nice. Although, I reserve those names for my best skinny friends.

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  24. These are so funny! I can't wait until someone calls me a skinny skunkbottom!

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  25. I'm kind of partial to "stick figure with no soul." But my husband calls one of my VERY skinny friends CHICKEN BONE.

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  26. Name calling is never funny. Trust me, when you grow up being underweight, the insults are no less stinging and hurtful.
    It is NO FUN being called boney butt, skeleton freak, or anorexic ass among others. Oh yeah, how about having someone make up a song about you being so skinny you'd go down the drain in the bathtub...that was my favorite, NOT!
    And, yes, I've heard them from both sides of the coin. I grew up really, really skinny, then when I hit 40 I gained and gained and gained up to well over 200 lbs. Now, after a year I'm at 160 with 10 lbs to go to my goal.
    Nope, name calling is NEVER funny, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

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  27. How about "Slim-N-Trim"

    Tee-Hee!!!!!

    Ehhhh, I was never good at making fun of others!

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  28. Somebody missed the point *look up*. Your hysterical.

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  29. name-calling is always funny (lol, when its not you). pfft, that being said- more than one skinny girl, ie., walking together- "the bone brigade." lollypop-head always gets me too.

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  30. This is hilarious! I teach and it's so sad to hear kids STILL using those names to pick on each other. One day, they'll learn! But this is a great post!

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  31. lmao. love it.
    *scribbles down the bad names*

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  32. I used to get called Lampost Head :-/ Oh, maybe that's because I was bright ???

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