Friday, July 10, 2009

My Name is Sh*t. Jack Sh*t.


Ever since I lost 00.7 lbs. at my last weigh-in, I’ve been haunted by visions of an overweight secret agent running around town and getting into high-fat trouble. Here’s my list of James Bond movies if 007 was 307...
  • Dr. No Willpower
  • From Russia With Lard
  • Thunderbaloney
  • You Only Eat Twice
  • On Her Majesty's Secret Snackrun
  • Donuts Are Forever
  • Live and Let Diet
  • The Man with the Golden Twinkee
  • The Spy Who Loved Meat
  • Moonpieraker
  • For Your Mouth Only
  • Chocopussy
  • A View to a Meal
  • License to Grill
  • Diet Another Day
  • Casino Fudge Royale
  • Quantum of Salsa

65 comments:

  1. How do you come up with this stuff?? Hilarious!

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  2. ROFLOL! Love those. Had to read them to hubby. I live for puns. They say it's a sign of intelligence. :P

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  3. Chocopussy?

    You are very creative!

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  4. ...and I thought "Octopussy" sounded dirty...

    *blush*

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  5. Live and Let Diet - Diet Another Day - I actually had been working on a post with that very same theme. We are linked together mentally, Jack. Incredible.
    MISH Money-PENNE was a looker, no?

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  6. I left "Tomorrow Never Diets" on the table, Anne. Didn't want to overdo it, y'know...

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  7. I'm not a Bond fan, but love the 'Donuts Are Forever' one. And only a handful of bloggers will understand why. ;)

    Notice the lack of sexual content in this comment.

    You're welcome. Heh.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Great ones, Jack! BTW, "License to Grill" is the name of a TV show on the Food Channel here in Canada. It's one of husband's favourites!

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  10. "The Man With the Golden Twinkie" sounds a little dirty to me. No wonder he's such a stud.

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  11. You are so creative. The last 2 were my fave!!

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  12. I'll have some quantum salsa and casino fudge royale for dessert. My husband, the man with the golden twinkie, will have the chocopussy.

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  13. That Agent 307 is my kinda guy.

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  14. Hehe you said Lard :)
    Why do I find lard such a funny word?

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  15. I'm following you after the " I lost the cupcake fight" comment...too funny!

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  16. These are quality, Jack. Dr No Willpower, might actually be the world's worst supervillain. Quick, go kill him!!

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  17. The Spy Who Loved Meat.

    Something I can relate to.

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  18. How about the Golden Rib Eye?


    I hope you get paid for sh*t like this in your day job. Awesome post!!

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  19. My favorite Bond line, "Let me expand your vocabulary." LOL

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  20. What will you think of next?

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  21. Chocopussy, and For Your Mouth Only? All hail the new Carlos.

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  22. I think I saw Chocopussy. It's from those same dudes that make BangBus, right?

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  23. BangBus isn't real Tricia.

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  24. I know because at the end, they didn't give me the $300. And when I went to the cops, they wanted to arrest ME! So unreal, son.

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  25. How'd you pay for your abortion then?

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  26. Falling down the stairs is free.

    (You always take shit too far!)

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  27. It's topical! There was a thing on the news about a girl that said she did it for abortion money.

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  28. Another "BLOCKBUSTER" of a list. Well done Mr. Sh*t, well done!

    I have been going around saying Horace Sh*t and laughing all day. People think I am crazy....thanks alot!

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  29. She just said that so her dad wouldn't think she's slutty. Oh wait...

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  30. Chocopussy....galore! rotflol. mmmmm. hersheys....yuck.

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  31. Could everyone else please get out of the way and let Dina and Tricia talk for God's sake!

    Sorry, ladies. Carry on.

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  32. I am literally about to die laughing at the comments! This is one for the Jack Sh*t Hall of Fame. Must be the full moon...

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  33. I love a guy with a sense of humor.Would you marry me? No, wait, I'm already married. You aren't Mormon are you? (no offence intended if any real Mormons are reading this, but then again, would a real Mormon read this?)

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  34. Lmao. Love bond movies. Love this blog. Love the comments.

    the fave has to be... the man with the golden twinkee.

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  35. I'm Mormon and I read it every day.

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  36. I'm a Jehovah, and I do too. Cults unite!

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  37. Tricia's dad's nickname is "Thunderbologna" just ask her.

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  38. My dad is at that age where he wears the loosest boxers possible and when he sits on the couch, his balls are almost always on full display. That's why I don't go home in summertime anymore. It only took 3 summers to learn that lesson.

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  39. cause you were too busy snapping photos obv.

    Dad + balls in the same sentence should be illegal.

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  40. That shirt should be illegal.
    OHHHH SICK BURN!

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  41. It once launched a thousand ships.

    One for each chin. :(

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  42. I'm supposed to be the one ripping on you, quit beating me to the chase.

    Think your dad has "hard luck" tattooed on his nuts too?

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  43. I can tell you for a fact that he does not. As for his wang, you gotta do the research on that one.

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  44. it says "Welcome to Jamaica have a great day"

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  45. It's "Welcome to Jamaica, mon. Have a great day." Way to totally mess that up.

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  46. And I haven't really seen Tricia's dad's wang.

    I mean, we have showered together, but I didn't peek.

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  47. Your dad has one on his that says "Don't throw out those slides."

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  48. And he pees in the shower like a racehorse.

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  49. You guys are lying. My dad would never want anyone near his penis to have a great day.

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  50. want.to.die.

    where do you think I learned the peeing from? duh

    Jack Shit's dad's penis says

    "Quit posting knock knock jokes and write about your feelings"

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  51. But his mom's vag says "Don't listen to your father, he's just upset about having a black president."

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  52. oh yeah, like HORSE, knee slap time!

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  53. I have "Wendy" tattooed on my penis too, small world.

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  54. You never fail to make me laugh, even in my dark times :)

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  55. Gayle's dark times really killed this parade of comedy.

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