Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Bad. Badder. Worstest.

Bad: You can’t run because you don’t have any good running shoes.
Badder: You can’t run because you don’t have any feet.
Worstest: You can’t run because you just don’t feel like it, and when you stop and think about it, that’s much worse than you not actually having any feet.

Bad: You can’t remember if you still belong to a gym or not.
Badder: You can’t remember the last time you worked out.
Worstest: You can’t remember if you’re right-handed or left-handed.

Bad: You drink six or more cups of coffee each morning.
Badder: Your blood type is Espresso.
Worstest: Starbucks opens a location in your living room.

Bad: Your pants are getting a little too snug.
Badder: Your shirt’s getting so tight that a button just popped off.
Worstest: Your skin’s getting so tight that a freckle just popped off.

Bad: You suffer hunger pangs before bed.
Badder: You suffer hunger pangs between meals.
Worstest: You suffer hunger pangs while eating.

Bad: Nothing in your closet looks good on you.
Badder: You’re having trouble finding any pants that fit.
Worstest: You’re having trouble finding any deodorant that fits.

Bad: You’ve been drinking 2% milk instead of skim milk.
Badder: You’ve been drinking whole milk instead of 2% milk.
Worstest: You’ve been drinking heavy whipping cream instead of whole milk.

Bad: Your office nickname is “Pudge Muffin.”
Badder: Jenny Craig reps constantly stop and give you their business cards.
Worstest: Weight Watchers introduces new diet named specifically after you.


  1. Bad: You just don't like the taste of "stevia" as a natural sweetener, so you switch back to sugar.

    Badder: You find yourself using the flavored creamers to sweeten your coffee in the morning.

    Worstest: You just start crumbling animal crackers covered in icing and sprinkles into your Coca Cola in the morning to get your fix.

  2. Mmmm.... Heavy Whipping Cream!
    My bad!

  3. This made me think of my mom. She doesn't use milk with her cereal. She uses half and half. I guess she's going to have to step it up to heavy whipping cream if she wants to get to worstest but she's close.

    That said, my mother weighs like 98lb and thinks she needs to lose weight. So I semi-sabotage that by not mentioning where she could cut out some extra calories every morning. Honestly... she's short so she's not anorexic but I think she wants to be.

  4. My husband works at Starbucks. When I read the espresso blood type to him he almost died laughing.

    You might want to copyright it though, cuz he totally said he's using it at work tomorrow :)



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