Bad. Badder. Worstest.

Bad: You can’t run because you don’t have any good running shoes.
Badder: You can’t run because you don’t have any feet.
Worstest: You can’t run because you just don’t feel like it, and when you stop and think about it, that’s much worse than you not actually having any feet.

Bad: You can’t remember if you still belong to a gym or not.
Badder: You can’t remember the last time you worked out.
Worstest: You can’t remember if you’re right-handed or left-handed.

Bad: You drink six or more cups of coffee each morning.
Badder: Your blood type is Espresso.
Worstest: Starbucks opens a location in your living room.

Bad: Your pants are getting a little too snug.
Badder: Your shirt’s getting so tight that a button just popped off.
Worstest: Your skin’s getting so tight that a freckle just popped off.

Bad: You suffer hunger pangs before bed.
Badder: You suffer hunger pangs between meals.
Worstest: You suffer hunger pangs while eating.

Bad: Nothing in your closet looks good on you.
Badder: You’re having trouble finding any pants that fit.
Worstest: You’re having trouble finding any deodorant that fits.

Bad: You’ve been drinking 2% milk instead of skim milk.
Badder: You’ve been drinking whole milk instead of 2% milk.
Worstest: You’ve been drinking heavy whipping cream instead of whole milk.

Bad: Your office nickname is “Pudge Muffin.”
Badder: Jenny Craig reps constantly stop and give you their business cards.
Worstest: Weight Watchers introduces new diet named specifically after you.