Friday, August 12, 2011

Cooking with Jack: Jacked-Up Watermelon

So, the other morning I'm having breakfast and I started really having a craving for something cold and refreshing. And that makes me think that I haven't done a "Cooking with Jack" webisode in quite some time, so strap in and get ready as I "kick things up a notch" (don't any of you other cooking show peeps steal my "notch-kicking" line).

I've got it!

I'll show you how to take one of God's most perfect creations... the watermelon... and make it... ummm... perfecter.

First you'll need some tequila...

Dammit! This has got a bunch of Spanish gibberish on it, so I'm not sure if it's tequila or apple juice.

There's one way to check... yes, go to the computer and see what the Spanish translation for "apple juice" just happens to be...

Or just taste it, I suppose...

Mmmmm... NOT apple juice.

Now, take one cup of tequila (whew... luckily I had just enough for this recipe).

Pour tequila into small saucepan. If you don't have a saucepan, you can use a pot.

Now add one cup of water.

Next add three-quarters cup of Triple Sec.

That's right... pour it right in there. Geez, do I have to describe each step in pain-staking detail?

Next, pour out one cuppa sugar.

Slowly pour sugar in the liquid mix as you cook mixture over medium low-high heat.

Boil that mess for a minute or so, until the sugar dissolves. Did I tell you to stir it? With a spoon? Just how helpless are you?

Now take your favorite stabbing knife and gut the watermelon.

Cut that bitch up into one-inch slices and place them on tray.

 Like so...

Pour the cooled-down syrup mixture over the slices.

If I'm taking this to a party or something, I leave the rinds on; if they're just for the family to gobble on, I cut the rinds off. I'm a mystery...

The most difficult part of this whole deal is finding enough fridge space to chill these rascals. Let 'em soak for at least an hour (but preferably two or three)...

Once they've chilled, add lots of lime juice and margarita salt.

Lemme just tell you, this puts the "F" in "OMFG!"

Next on "Cooking with Jack":
What to do when you've got too much zucchini squash...


  1. Do you hire out for weddings and bar mitzvahs?

  2. Yum! Can't wait to give this one a try. Watermelon & booze - what could be better than that?

  3. Now that looks like a tasty treat!

  4. I'm guessing that after a few bites, you won't mind the seeds. So for zucchini, I'm guessing bacon vodka might be in order...or are you saving that for the tomato juice recipe?

  5. OMFG.....I needed that laugh and this evening I know I will need this tequila. To hell with the watermelon.LOL. Gracie

  6. That sounds super tasty.

    And if you don't boil the syrup mixture (just heat it slowly over low heat until the sugar dissolves), the alcohol won't boil away either.

    I don't know how much you'd have to eat to get a buzz from it though. But it's fun to think you could get drunk off watermelon! :)

  7. Really? Nobody has asked yet what's written on the front of the refrigerator?? Meow!

  8. Not a fan of watermelon....but tequila might make it taste a whole lot better! Or, at least let me forget I'm eating watermelon.

  9. Holy crap Jack - why don't you have your won show?? I would watch it for sure. You are to friggin funny!



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