Friday, May 27, 2011

My Birthday Survival Plan

Tomorrow's my birthday, so if you're planning on throwing me a surprise party (and I'm not saying that you SHOULD be planning on throwing me a surprise party because I hate surprise parties), but if you ARE thinking about throwing me a surprise party, you'd better get going. YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

Anyway, I'm too busy practicing looking surprised in the mirror to actually write something new, so here's my to-do list from my last birthday, which I'm planning on following through on again...
  • Don’t eat my age in waffles for breakfast
  • Call in “old” at work
  • Rue all the mistakes I’ve made in my life
  • Update "to-do" list with new mistakes
  • Celebrate my B25K completion this year (“Birth to 5K”)
  • Only track 1 out of every 10 calories I consume today
  • Sell whatever present my mom gets me on ebay
  • Say my prayers and take my vitamins like professional wrestler Hulk Hogan said I should
  • Work out in my birthday suit
  • Take a big bowl of fat-free ice cream, flush it down the toilet and enjoy a bowl of the good stuff
  • Drag out a pair of fat pants and thank heaven they no longer fit
  • Use my “Get Out of One Workout Free” card
  • “Afternoon delight,” if you know what I mean (yes, I mean a nap)
  • Drink plenty of water… among other beverages
  • Get 100 comments on my birthday post (*hint hint*)
  • Strip karaoke
  • Keep trying to convince myself that age is just a number
  • Eat healthy, eat less, exercise... starting tomorrow
  • Don’t even bother making a wish before blowing out the candles; they’ve all already come true
Speaking of surprises... you can get an extra helping of sh*t today by checking out my guest post at Lisa Johnson Fitness.

51 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday Eve, Mr. Sht.

    I shall eat a cake in your honor.

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  2. Happy Birthday! (Tomorrow that is)..I may need to steal your list for next year - great list!

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  3. Happy birthday! Mine was last week and I'm still waiting to celebrate since it was all about my graduation teen then.

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  4. Is this your birthday post? Well either way Have a very Happy Birthday :D

    I want in on strip karaoke.

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  5. Happy birthday you legend you! :)

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  6. LOVED the LJ Fitness post.
    Of this comment I'm not making the most.
    I'm on my smart phone
    Rather be reading from home (hone?)
    Have a fabfab birthday
    Tomorrow I hopetoremembertosay.

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  7. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you too!!!! :D Awesome weekend to have a birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

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  8. Your hint is not lost on ME!

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  9. I'll get up to 100, if I have to post them all myself!

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  10. Happy Birthday tomorrow! I'd sing...but I don't want to get the neighborhood dogs to howlin' again.

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  11. Happy birthday, Jack. I never forget your birthday because I allow it to be the same day as mine. ;-) Hope yours is great. I'm doing the big 4-0 this year but inside I'm really 21. Sometimes I act an immature 17 though.

    Did you know calories don't exist on your birthday? It's a magical time. Enjoy.

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  12. Happy early birthday! At least the number of hairs on your head still outnumber your age...

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  13. HAPPY BIRFDAY! I made you a cake.... but then i ate it.

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  14. Happy Birthday! Well, tomorrow anyway. So I guess today I'll say Happy Friday and then maybe I'll come back tomorrow and say Happy Birthday. But probably not.

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  15. Age is just a number. True ... A very large number for some...
    Happy B-Day Jack!

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  16. Happy Birthday!!! Tomorrow.

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  17. Have a great long birthday weekend!!!

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  18. Happy Birthday,Jack!!!!!!
    Have A Blast!!

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  19. Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!! (a wee bit early)

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  20. Happy birthday. My favorite on your list is "Update "to-do" list with new mistakes" - swipe. @jeelag

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  21. Is it really your birthday eve or is there some sh*t joke here that I'm not picking up on because I've only had 12 oz. of coffee today? I will err on the side of caution (because that's how I roll), so Happy Birthday!

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  22. My birthday wish for you was a new treadmill! I know, I'm an ass. Enjoy it man! :)

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  23. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKASS! I mean, JackSh*t! ;) I hope your day is fantastic.

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  24. My birthday wish for you? May all of your new mistakes be as fun and trouble free as your old ones!

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  25. Happy Birtday! Eating oranges for you!

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  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  27. I say YES to Strip Karaoke!

    Happy Birthday and thanks for signing my Postcard from Fitbloggin!!

    Paula @paulyLaGordita

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  28. You're posts never fail to make me smile. And in honor of your birthday, I too shall flush the fat-free ice cream and have the good stuff! I've always said that Ben and Jerry are my closest friends. ;)
    Happy Birthday, Jack! I hope it's a great one!

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  29. Happy Birthday Mr. Sh*t! And just remember, the older we get, the older "old" gets ;-)

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  30. Happy Birthday Jack! Hope you have a great one! :)

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  31. Happy Birthday! Funny funny man!

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  32. Strip Karaoke? If my birthday wasn't in December I would sooooooo be stealing the idea! Happy birthday, dear Jack. Save a serving of S'mores Casserole for me!

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  33. Have a wonderful birthday! Strip karaoke does sound like fun.

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  34. Happy Birthday. OMG mine is tomorrow also. Yeah, lets celebrate with.....water!?!

    Gracie
    http://graciestoughjourney.blogspot.com/

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  35. Happy Birthday! The to-do list is too funny, as usual...have a great birthday!

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  36. Happy almost exit from the womb day! yayyyyy!

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  37. Happy bday early! I always enjoy on my bday & yes, it is cookies!!!! Enjoy too!

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  38. Happy Birthday Old Man! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

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  39. Helping you get to 100.

    Happy Birthday Jack!!!

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  40. Happy Birthday, Jack! Silly blogs wouldn't let me comment yesterday. But anyway, I hope you're having a tremendous birthday. Eat all the cake you can get your hands on! No calories today!

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  41. One more comment closer to 100... happy birthday Jack!

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  42. I hope you had a very Happy Birthday! You get a little older, you get a little wiser - it's a sh*tty trade off.

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  43. Happy Belated Birthday Jack!

    Sarah @ Thinfluenced

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