Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Things That'll Get You Kicked Out of a WW Meeting

  • Loudly challenging everyone in the room to a caramel apple-eating contest
  • Wearing a Sumo wrestling outfit to meeting

  • Bringing a more forgiving scale and offering “second opinion” weigh-ins for $5

  • Standing on your chair and singing “I Like Big Butts” at the top of your lungs

  • Picking a fight with somebody because she’s sitting in your “lucky chair”

  • Cleaning your gun during meeting

  • Screaming “I’M SO DAMN HUNGRY” every five minutes

  • Wearing pants made out of fruit leather

  • Taking bets during weigh-ins

  • Trying to organize a séance during meeting

  • Loudly repeating every single word the leader says

  • Repainting the wall because you claim the wall color is responsible for your recent weight gain

  • Wheeling in a wagon filled with steaming hot taco meat

  • Excessive public flossing

  • Spending entire meeting making elaborate candy corn sculptures

  • Dressing up like a giant Gummi Bear and prancing around the room during meeting

  • Trying to sign people up to your knock-off weight loss program “Weight Watchpersons” at a booth in the restroom

  • Trying to hook up your own hammock to sit in

  • Insisting on weighing in nude
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44 comments:

  1. Hilarious! I'd also recommend not wearing maple syrup as a perfume.

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  2. I have to ask this. I have thought it might be true for a while but I truly do not know the answer.

    Are you a member of WW? Is your weigh in day on Sunday?

    I musttttttt know!

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  3. HILARIOUS!!!!!! My favorite... singing, "I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can't deny that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung. Wanna pull up tough
    cuz you notice that butt was stuffed, deep in the jeans she's wearing. I'm hooked and I can't stop staring. Oh, baby I wanna get with ya and take your picture. My homeboys tried to warn me but that butt you got make Me so horney.
    Ooh, rump of smooth skin. You say you wanna get in my benz. Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy...

    Can you tell, I love this song? Actually 4 friends and I "performed" this at our college tallent show in 1999. It was SOOO much fun!

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  4. HaHa!!!

    Great post,

    Isn't there bacon flavoured chapstick would want to hand that out at a meeting either.

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  5. again, too funny!!! I love the screaming I"m so damn hungry...sound like something me and my brother would actually do. Just for fun...

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  6. I like bringing the scale for a second opinion...the scale is such sacred ground at WW!

    I met someone who is now a good friend at WW. We were sitting in the back and actually heckling the leader (unbeknownst to her...since she didn't know, we didn't get kicked out).

    I've often imagined someone coming into a WW meeting with a big bag from McDonald's and parking themselves in the front row, eating it all throughout the meeting.

    Or getting a giant pizza delivered and eating it, mid-meeting...just to see the reactions!!!

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  7. A wheelbarrow filled with taco meat, imagine how many tacos you could make and sell!

    Too funny :) Thanks for making everyone smile today!

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  8. On this cold, rainy May morning, you brought some more sun in to the room.
    You have a gift, my dear.

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  9. Hahhahah. I don't do WW, but I do weigh in weekly with a group of like minded chicks at our local footy club. Where my husband cranks up ♫♫ "Big Girls, You are beautiful" ♫♫ or "Fat Bottomed Girls" ♫♫ full blast. Thanks babe.

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  10. "cleaning your gun".. you just reminded me that you're in a different country than I. :)

    Like Tony, I've always imagined that you were a WW. Man, I'd love to stalk one of your meetings.

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  11. Steming hot taco meat. Love that string of words

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  12. I wish they'd kick out the husband and wife who are lifetimers who take up the whole meeting talking about themselves and what they ate that week. THAT's why I stopped going to my meetings... Sure, I'll go with that excuse.

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  13. I loved it! My favorite was bringing in a more forgiving scale & charging $5 for a second opinion. I might join for that benefit alone. Then weighing in nude....the ONLY way to weigh!

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  14. I've actually thought about trying that last one...

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  15. When I was younger my mom and her friends use to place bets on their weigh-ins. There's not much else to do in small town, Easter Canada (except drink which is why the W/W and AA meetings were together)

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  16. HAHA I am going today to my meeting....so I can't weigh in nude? I guess that is why people give me strange looks as I walk into the building huh? :)

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  17. HA i bet you know all those will get you kicked out from EXPERIENCE! i went to my first oa meeting last night and thought, i wonder if they'll have snacks? probably the same mentality...

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  18. This made me laugh so hard! There is a little ceasars pizza right next to the WW meeting I attend and so many times I've considered buying several and bringing them to share, or inviting everyone to go next door after the meeting for a pizza party. :)

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  19. Is there a Jack Sh*t Hall of Fame for your posts? You need to create one, and put this one in it. I am laughing so hard, I might actually be able to call this my work out for today.

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  20. I agree...this one has to be in the Jack Sh*t hall of fame!!!!!

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  21. That explains it! But, in Texas, everybody cleans their guns at the meetings! Maybe I should take mine off when I weigh in. hmmm...

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  22. Just what I needed this morning! HILARIOUS!

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  23. I thought loudly repeating every.single.word. the leaders says is mandatory...oops.

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  24. Hysterical.

    Love the big butts one. The bring your own forgiving scale one. The weighing in the nude one.

    So Great! Thanks for the laugh.

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  25. LOL! I have been to WW meetings... I can add "bringing your loud, tired toddler and forgetting to bring an extra diaper." whoops...

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  26. I already scream "I'm so damned hungry" about every 5 minutes anyways!! Nothing new there.

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  27. How about Eating Candy Necklaces loudly during the meeting? Or Pop Rocks?

    Or using bacon grease as a perfume and getting nice and close to everyone at the meeting so they can smell you.

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  28. I was literally laughing while rolling on the ground. LOVE IT!!

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  29. Wait a second...what are these fruit leather pants you speak of and where can I get a pair?

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  30. How about:

    Wearing a holster with a hot dog in each side

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  31. I think I just burned off about 700 calories laughing at that. I love lists!

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  32. So, what is your snarky side like?

    Actually, I DID organize a seance at an OA meeting once. Or was that AA? NA? I forget. Anyway, everyone got pissed off when I tried to channel Janis Joplin but Janis Ian came through instead. Oops.

    Love,
    Jill

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  33. Weighing in naked seems like a completely reasonable request. Those clothes add like 10 lbs!!

    HAHAHA love this post

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  34. Insisting on weighing in nude... roflmao

    Can't tell you how many WW meetings I've been to were there is someone close to goal and they start taking off their jewelry, socks, any extra clothing they have on just to get to that goal number... Very funny to watch what people will do!

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  35. I would so go for the second opinion weigh-in and I would gladly pay $5 dollars...

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  36. HAHAHAHA!! This is awesome. What about setting up a girl scout cookie table?

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  37. If they are going to be like that then I am never even going to join! Pooh on them! :-)

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  38. Wearing pants made out of fruit leather.
    Is that the funniest thing I have ever read in my life, or what.
    Oh Shit, Jack!

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  39. Thanks for the laugh, love it!

    How about a milkshake-stocked beer hat, with lots of slurping/sucking action to get the bottom bits. :D

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  40. I'm a long-time reader, but think this may be my first comment... these absolutely cracked me up! And I kind of want to do some of them at my meeting this week:)

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