Weight Loss Primer

Welcome to Same Old Sh*t Saturday, where I root around in my archives until I find something that puts a smile on my kisser. For me, posts that cram a lot of information into an unlikely format... well, it just doesn't get any better than that.


A is for Appetite
It’s really the cruelest,
And wants us to live
Our lives to the fullest.

B is for BMI
Body Mass Index, you know.
It’s just one other way
To call you “Fatso.”

C is for Calories
Counting them’s our obsession.
The higher the number,
The deeper our depression.

D is for Diet
Kiss those buffets good-bye.
You know you can’t spell it
Without the word “Die.”

E is for Exercise
Time to get tired and sweaty,
And leave all your limbs
Feeling just like spaghetti.

F is for Fat-Free
To help take off the pounds.
But be careful, it’s not always
As low-cal as it sounds.

G is for Green Monster
The smoothie with spinach.
It’ll help start your day right
And keep ya strong to the finich.

H is for High Blood Pressure
Another obesity side effect.
Get it under control or
It’ll leave your life wrecked.

I is for Ideal Weight
Remember, it’s just a number.
If you never quite get there,
Don’t lose any slumber.

J is for Junk Food
It helps your waistline expand.
What part of the word “Junk”
Do you not understand?

K is for Kick-Off
It’s the most important part
Because you’ll never get going
If you never ever start.

L is for Lifestyle Change
This is more than a phase.
It’s something we should follow
For the rest of our days.

M is for Metabolism
Some are fast, some are listless.
If you quit blaming your body,
You’ll end up getting p*ssed less.

N is for Nutrition
It’s time to face facts
Cuz the smarter we are,
The healthier our snacks.

O is for Obesity
A BMI 30 or higher,
You need to lose weight
(Yeah, I'm preaching to the choir).

P is for Plateau
Sometimes weight loss stalls out.
When the going get tough,
The tough go balls out.

Q is for Quitting
You should choose to refuse,
Cuz winners never quit
And quitters never lose.

R is for Raw
Fruits and veggies by the heap.
Make them part of your diet.
Eat ‘em and reap.

S is for Serving Size
When filling those platters,
Please keep this in mind
Size definitely matters.

T is for Trans Fats
The fats that’re most hated.
I’ll take mine more natural
Or non-hydrogenated.

U is for Uphill
This climb’ll leave you aching.
Take pride in your effort and
The progress you’re making.

V is for Veggies
They’re great to consume.
Beet ever so onion,
There snow peas legume.

W is for Weigh-In
It often will disgust us.
When you step on those scales,
Sometimes there’s no justice.

X is for XXL
Our plus sizes are whopping.
Losing weight opens up
Brand new shops for shopping.

Y is for Yo Yo
Weight is down, weight is higher.
That is really one game
That we need to retire.

Z is for ZZZ’s
Get plenty of snoozing.
It’ll help get your head
In the right place for losing.