Friday, May 14, 2010

Doofus and Dieter

When I was a little sh*t, I was a voracious reader. I enjoyed reading so much that I even read Highlights magazine. The feature that I enjoyed the most in that particular publication was “Goofus and Gallant.”

In case you are unfamiliar, G&G was an illustrated story about two young lads, one of whom always acted right, and one that acted… well, like me. It was sappy stuff like “Gallant always puts up his laundry. Goofus eats crackers in bed”.

Goofus and Gallant may look pretty young, but it turns out that they’re actually older than Highlights magazine itself. The magazine's founder first used the two characters in the 1930’s to teach kids to develop their own personal code of conduct. Little known fact: when the feature began, G&G weren't even boys… they were elves with pointy little ears!

Goofus and Gallant are still around today, over sixty years from their first appearance in Highlights. They continue to show young readers that there are two ways to act in a situation—the Goofus way and the Gallant way.

Come to think of it, that’s the same way I approach this weight-loss journey of ours…

Doofus and Dieter

  • Doofus orders a double cheeseburger and a Coke Zero. Dieter prepares his own dinner at home.

  • Dieter works out at least three times a week. Doofus exercises his “party” muscle utilizing beer mug bicep curls.

  • Doofus’ salad is 94% cheese and croutons. Dieter gets dressing on the side.

  • Dieter takes the stairs at his office building. Doofus needs a piggyback ride to the elevator.

  • Dieter likes to dress sharp in well-fitting clothes. Doofus wears sweat pants to church.

  • Dieter likes being buff. Doofus likes being at the buffet.

  • Dieter is consistently raising his exercise levels. Doofus is consistently raising his cholesterol levels.

  • Dieter snacks on nuts. Doofus snacks on nutella.

  • Dieter blogs about his weight-loss journey. Doofus spends all day playing online poker.

  • Dieter belongs to WW. Doofus belongs to AA.

  • Dieter owns the Jillian 30-Day Shred DVD. Doofus owns the Jillian 30-Dude Shred DVD.

  • Dieter gets 8 hours of sleep each night. Doofus stays up til dawn watching infomercials.

  • Dieter makes sure he gets five servings of vegetables. Doofus makes sure he gets five packets of ketchup.

  • Dieter eats a balanced meal each morning. Doofus has movie-theater popcorn for breakfast.

  • Dieter is training for a marathon. Doofus is training for a “Sanford & Son” marathon.
  • Doofus starts a new diet every other Monday. Dieter just keeps on keeping on.


  1. I LOVED G&G when I was a kid too!! Love your take on it :-)

  2. Loved it as a kid and still sometimes sneak a peak at Highlights when at the doctor's office. Too bad I don't have a kid with me so I don't look so dang creepy looking through it...

  3. Doofus and Dieter are the craziest German characters I've ever heard of.

    Although a "Sanford & Son" marathon would be AWESOME.

  4. Sorry Jack, Dieter/Gallant sounds like a right drip with the sense of humour of a smelly gym shoe. Doofer will no doubt have a shorter life (particularly if he runs carrying scissors pointy end up) but I'd rather spend an evening with him any day. Bet he can cook!

  5. I am, of course, giggling. But I am indentifying so well....

  6. Hey watch it buddy! I am very sensitive about Nutella! Great post :0)

  7. oh dear, i've not only been known to start a new diet or restart dieting on mondays, but i've worn sweatpants to church... great :(

  8. I...

    So disappointing how many doofus' characteristics I have.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. I am Doofus. Except for the television and sweat pants to church thing.

  11. Crap ... I bought the wrong DVD. ... looked like a great way to work out though. ♡

  12. I only ever read Highlights while sitting in frozen fear in the pediatrician's office, wondering if it was gonna be 1 shot or 2. In the butt or on the arm? Not sure I was prepared to revisit this dark childhood memory.

    But, yeah, "Dieter". Very clever choice!

  13. AA?
    American Airlines?
    Apple- shape Anonymous?
    Adkins Aweigh?

  14. Inspired by you. I loved Goofus & Gallant:

    Lethargic & Lively

    Lethargic sits on the couch. Lively takes the dog for a walk.

    Lethargic doesn’t plan meals and eats what’s easy & in the cabinet.
    Lively plans ahead, prepares in advance, has fresh produce in the house.

    Lethargic watches hours of tv a night.
    Lively is active and social and gets out of the house.

    Lethargic never has time for anything.
    Lively takes 15 minutes when she can to get things done.

    Lethargic doesn’t drink water.
    Lively carries water with her wherever she goes.

    Lethargic is a bad role model.
    Lively is healthy, fun and fit and plays with her kids.

    Lethargic gets up late every morning and rushes the kids out.
    Lively gets up a little early and prepares a good breakfast & lunch for the kids.

    Lethargic searches for clean socks and clothes before school.
    Lively puts away laundry in the drawers.

    Lethargic never knows what she’s going to wear to work in the morning.
    Lively has an outfit that makes her feel great every day.

    Lethargic is too busy watching tv to tuck her kids in at night.
    Lively makes time to tuck and talk and cuddle every night.

    Lethargic doesn’t clean the house.
    Lively is always ready for company.

    Lethargic is boring.
    Lively is fun to be around.

    Lethargic died too young.
    Lively will hang around for years.

  15. This was great Jack! Loved it! :)

  16. If I don't have my own book when I go to the doctor's office, Highlights is still my reading material of choice. Good stuff, Jack.

  17. Ahhhh, the memories!! Sadly, I am MORE than old enough to remember. :(

  18. Ok well now you have refocused my getting and staying healthy strategy. My goal from now on will be to reduce my doofus factor, and increase my dieter factor.

    I can proudly say my doofus, which was at one time perhaps at 90% is now perhpas 25. But as evidenced my my recent stumbles...there's always room for improvement.

  19. According to your follower list, I'm the last person in the blog world to find your blog. I've enjoyed your recent posts and the "Why I do this"



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