Saturday, May 1, 2010

Confush*t Say...

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I show my commitment to the environment by recylcing old posts, thereby reducing my carbon footprint and increasing my weekend free time. "Confush*t Say" was my first recurring feature on JSGF, and it's still one of my favorites. Anything that combines anicent weight-loss wisdom and groan-worthy puns is my cup of green tea...


Confush*t say...

...person who eat too much cake is icing for trouble.
...person who enter 5K race without training is running with wrong crowd.
...person with bad eating habits won't see gut results.
...person who write weight loss blog is starving for attention.
…people who shows distain for bread and pasta is carb-berater.
...person who sneak donuts is showing his true crullers.
…person who drink too many cocktails should only expect martini-tiny losses.
…person who is too obese but wants to play basketball should remember wide men can’t jump.
…person who seeks to eat more veggies will find them turnip eventually.
...person who consume too much sodium get a-salted on scale.
...person who goes to Starbucks all the time doesn't know how to espresso themselves.
…person who owns up to their flatulence is a frank-farter.
...person who gives pizza a chance wind up going to war with scale.
...person who doesn't eat vegetables will find it's parsley his own fault.
…person who waits for golden opportunity to lose weight may find it never pans out.
…person who eat too much over the holiday need to quit cold turkey.
…person who employ low-carb diet is going against the grain.
…person who drinks too much coffee has a latte problems.
…person who succeeds in diet employs mind over platter.
…person who lives life as couch potato will likely raise tater tots.
…person who eat too many French fries find weight ketchup to them.
…person who has successful weight-loss journey find it takes breadth away.
…person who drinks too many fancy coffee drinks may get brewed awakening on scale.
…person who eats too much at Japanese restaurant might have sake weigh-in.
…person who doesn’t like bread overcooked might be black-toast intolerant
…person who mistakes a piece of sh*t for sausage finds day taking a turd for the wurst.
…person who reads Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit every day is very defacated reader.

Confush*t believes there are two kinds of people in this world. The first person is the one who diets and exercises religiously. The second person is the one who eats and does what they want and prays they don't gain weight.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.












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11 comments:

  1. …person who is too obese but wants to play basketball should remember wide men can’t jump.
    LOL!

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  2. This was brilliant, and I love love love the motto. I think I may have to steal it.

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  3. Very wise and hilarious advice! :)

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  4. I was reading this while drinking my morning coffee. I definately have "a latte problems"

    Confush*t- you very wise!

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  5. I <3 Confush*t!

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  6. Love these! I think these will have to be my facebook statuses for the next several weeks!

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  7. Holy Guacamole! That was hilarious! I love "wide men can't jump" ha ha ha! This is great!

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  8. Frank-farter owning up right here *g* Fabulous post!

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