You Know What Confush*t Say...

Confush*t Say…

…person who drink too many colas find weigh-ins soda pressing.

…person who dislike salad because it doesn’t have enough dressing should put some cloves on it.

…person who avoids donuts dozen have to worry about gaining weight from them.

…person who don’t like root vegetables don't carrot all about good health.

…person who run with bad footwear suffer agony of defeat.

…person who eats a lot of pickles is kind of a big dill.

…person who try to lose weight will succeed if they truly believe that shed happens.

…person who who write diet books live off the fat of the land.

…person who eat fresh fruit recognize kiwi to good Heath

…person who want to be mountain climber need to be in peak condition.

…person who eats too many pancakes find weight crepe up.

…person who drink too much coffee could get brewed awakening.

…person who put off prostate exam usually get it in the end.

Confush*t recognizes the importance
of good health, but always believes you
should eat ice cream if it’s sherbet day.

Confush*t's motto:

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff

or stuff the cheesy puffs.

Confush*t Say...

Confush*t Say...

...person who eat too much Middle Eastern food will falafel the next day.

...person who thinks orange juice is low calorie falling for pulp fiction.

...drinking too much beer is not a brew-print for weight-loss success.

...person on cottage cheese diet likes to eat their curds and weigh.

...person who doesn’t want to gain over the holidays should consider quitting cold turkey.

...person who cooks with butter substitutes find little margerine for error.

...person who eat too much whole wheat toast find weigh-ins going awry.

...person who overdoes it with tapioca soon pudding on pounds.

...person who shops for nuts find that they can cost an almond a leg.

...person who eats too many Italian pastries cannoli expect a bad weigh-in.

Remember, a waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.

Confush*t: Losses and Gains

Long ago, near the frontier, there lived an wise old man named Confush*t, who often shared short nuggets of weight loss wisdom and found himself starring in parables such as this one.

One day he discovered that his horse was missing. It was said that the horse had been seen running outside the border of the country. The neighbors came to comfort ConfuSh*t and commiserate over his unfortunate loss. However, the old man was unexpectedly calm and said, “It does not matter; it may not be a bad event; on the contrary, I think it can be a good one.”

The next night, the old man heard a loud noise and got up to investigate. To his surprise, he saw that his horse had returned and was joined by another beautiful horse as well. Hearing the news, the neighbors all came to say congratulations on his good luck. At the greetings, however, the old man became very calm and thoughtful. He told them, “It is true that I got a new horse for nothing, but it is hard to say whether it is good or bad. It may be an unlucky thing.”

The daughter of the old man was very fond of the new horse, and one day while riding, she fell off and injured her leg terribly. The neighbors consoled Confush*t over this unfortunate event. “Do not be concerned,” the old man smiled. “Perhaps this will be a good thing.”

A year later, many of the youth there were recruited to fight in a war and most of them died. The daughter of the old man was absolved from the obligation for her disability, so she escaped death. “Surely this is a good thing,” argued the neighbors, but Confush*t stood and stared off into the horizon stoically. “Good or bad, who can say?” he said solemnly. “And please do not call me ‘Shirley’.”

A month later, a young man named Zhi Peng Huang began dating his daughter, which distressed Confush*t very much. “But it could be good thing,” suggested a neighbor. “Who can know, right?”

“No,” sneered Confush*t. “It sucks balls.”

Moral: Sometimes what we perceive to be setbacks can really be blessings in disguise (and vice versa). Also, daughters should not be allowed to date. Ever.

THE DAILY SCALEY

Slow and steady wins some damn thing or another...

The Wisdom of Confush*t

Confush*t Say person who wants to be entertained 

with ancient Chinese health secrets 

need to head over to  new guest post 

over on  Anytime Health site.

THE DAILY SCALEY

 

So there I was, standing on the scale, 

minding my own business when POWWWW...

outta nowhere comes a whopping big loss.

Here’s To All My Crackpot Friends

Once upon a time, there was a wise old Chinese dude named Confush*t who often said wise and quotable things.

Now Confush*t had two large pots for carrying water, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck as Chinese fellows so often do in stories such as this.

One of the pots was beautiful and perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, but the other one had a nasty crack in it. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with Confush*t delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been put on this Earth to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to Confush*t one day by the stream.

“I am ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak all the way back to your house.”

Confush*t spoke softly to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

The flawed pot replied, “Thank you, dear Confush*t. I don’t feel so worthless anymore.”

“Worthless?” laughed Confush*t. “Do you know what a talking pot goes for on eBay these days? The bidding is up to $4,500 and there’s still three days left…”

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. Look for the good in each person you meet. And it’s true: talking pots will fetch a bundle on eBay.

Confush*t Say…

…person who eat too much butter doesn’t leave much margarine for error with weigh-in.

…person who just doesn’t like to drink water shouldn’t try to faucet.

…person who decide to become vegetarian may find it a missed steak.

…person on no-carb diet can develop a loathe of bread.

…person who eat too much Chinese food today have bad weigh-in tamari.

…person who eats a lot of donuts dozen have to worry about losing too much weight.

…person who can’t give up carbs find much a-dough about muffin.

…person whose diet doesn’t include vegetables leaves mushroom for improvement.

…person who cooks for herself has skillet takes to eat more healthy.

…person who eat too much bread is a gluten for punishment.

…person who write weight-loss blog is starving for attention.

Confush*t believes that you and you alone are the one who controls your own density. After all, nothing dentured, nothing gained.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.

Confush*t Say…

Confush*t say...

…a 5 a.m. workout is like a pig’s tail. It’s twirly.

…person who make weight loss podcast likes to talk diet-y.

…person who drink beer generally doesn’t lose weight, but it’s on a case-by-case basis.

…person who get vinegar in ear soon suffer from pickled hearing.

…person who put too much dressing on sandwich mayonnaise some self-control.

…person who become overweight find it’s something that just snacks up on you.

…person who eat too much seafood may think it’s salmon chanted evening but end up feeling pretty eel.

…person who eat too many eggs can quiche a good cholesterol check-up goodbye.

…person who becomes vegetarian may find it a missed steak.

…person who drinks too much at night has to worry about the mourning after.

…person who has an organic garden tills it like it is.

…person who eat too much cream sauce needs to take break for the Hollandaise.

…person who consume too much hamburger suffer from beefer madness.

…person who read Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit every day get blogged down in stupidity.  

Confush*t believes that you and you alone

are the one who controls your own density.

After all, nothing dentured, nothing gained.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.

Here’s To All My Crackpot Friends

Once upon a time, there was a wise old Chinese dude named Confush*t who often said wise and quotable things.

Now Confush*t had two large pots for carrying water, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck as Chinese fellows so often do in stories such as this.

One of the pots was beautiful and perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, but the other one had a nasty crack in it. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with Confush*t delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been put on this Earth to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to Confush*t one day by the stream.

“I am ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak all the way back to your house.”

Confush*t spoke softly to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

The flawed pot replied, “Thank you, dear Confush*t. I don’t feel so worthless anymore.”

“Worthless?” laughed Confush*t. “Do you know what a talking pot goes for on eBay these days? The bidding is up to $4,500 and there’s still three days left…”

Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. Look for the good in each person you meet. And it’s true: talking pots will fetch a bundle on eBay.

Confush*t Say...

Confush*t say...

…person who loads up on bread is wall-to-wall carb-eating.
…person who can’t give up colas is soda-pressing.
…person who eats too much fat just doesn’t know any butter.
…person who indulges in too much beer has lager issues.
…person who spend too much time in coffee shop wind up being latte for work.
…person who eats too much cheese is guilty of a lot of mindless cheddar.
…person who eats too many eggs is risking high cholesterol, but omelette you get away with it this time.
…person who eat too much Indian food will enjoy naan of their weigh-ins.
…person who doesn’t like hummus should give chickpeas a chance.
…person who looks to eat more veggies find some turnip eventually.
…person who hates meat alternatives is tofu fighter.
…person who shops for healthy food enjoy fridge benefits.
…person who has fish for dinner enjoy salmon chanted evening.
…person who eats too much lamb doesn’t have very much veal power.
…person who eat too much dried fruit will gain weight for some raisin.
…person who constantly overeat soon see the error of their weighs.
…person who eats too much wheat is a gluten for punishment.
…person who wants to relish today needs to ketchup tomorrow.
…person who stuffs themselves at breakfast never sausage a gain.
…person who eats more vegetables today enjoy better weigh-in tomato.

Confush*t believes that you and you alone are the one who controls your own density. After all, nothing dentured, nothing gained.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.

Confush*t Say...

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I show my commitment to the environment by recylcing old posts, thereby reducing my carbon footprint and increasing my weekend free time. "Confush*t Say" was my first recurring feature on JSGF, and it's still one of my favorites. Anything that combines anicent weight-loss wisdom and groan-worthy puns is my cup of green tea...


Confush*t say...

...person who eat too much cake is icing for trouble.
...person who enter 5K race without training is running with wrong crowd.
...person with bad eating habits won't see gut results.
...person who write weight loss blog is starving for attention.
…people who shows distain for bread and pasta is carb-berater.
...person who sneak donuts is showing his true crullers.
…person who drink too many cocktails should only expect martini-tiny losses.
…person who is too obese but wants to play basketball should remember wide men can’t jump.
…person who seeks to eat more veggies will find them turnip eventually.
...person who consume too much sodium get a-salted on scale.
...person who goes to Starbucks all the time doesn't know how to espresso themselves.
…person who owns up to their flatulence is a frank-farter.
...person who gives pizza a chance wind up going to war with scale.
...person who doesn't eat vegetables will find it's parsley his own fault.
…person who waits for golden opportunity to lose weight may find it never pans out.
…person who eat too much over the holiday need to quit cold turkey.
…person who employ low-carb diet is going against the grain.
…person who drinks too much coffee has a latte problems.
…person who succeeds in diet employs mind over platter.
…person who lives life as couch potato will likely raise tater tots.
…person who eat too many French fries find weight ketchup to them.
…person who has successful weight-loss journey find it takes breadth away.
…person who drinks too many fancy coffee drinks may get brewed awakening on scale.
…person who eats too much at Japanese restaurant might have sake weigh-in.
…person who doesn’t like bread overcooked might be black-toast intolerant
…person who mistakes a piece of sh*t for sausage finds day taking a turd for the wurst.
…person who reads Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit every day is very defacated reader.

Confush*t believes there are two kinds of people in this world. The first person is the one who diets and exercises religiously. The second person is the one who eats and does what they want and prays they don't gain weight.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.












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Confush*t Say...

Confush*t say...

…person who eat too much over the holiday need to quit cold turkey.
…person who employ low-carb diet is going against the grain.
…person who drinks too much coffee has a latte problems.
…person who succeeds in diet employs mind over platter.
…person who lives life as couch potato will likely raise tater tots.
…person who eats too many donuts dozen have a good diet plan.
…person who are butter lovers generally are not better lovers.
…person who eat too many French fries find weight ketchup to them.
…person who has successful weight-loss journey find it takes breadth away.
…person who doesn’t eat Jewish food might find it too Hasidic.
…person who drinks too many fancy coffee drinks may get brewed awakening on scale.
…person who always takes salt shaker and puts more on is salt-shaking moron.
…person who eats too much at Japanese restaurant might have sake weigh-in.
…person who drops a size in pants gives sighs of relief.
…person who doesn’t like bread overcooked might be black-toast intolerant
…person who mistakes a piece of sh*t for sausage finds day taking a turd for the wurst.

Confush*t believes there are two kinds of people in this world. The first person is the one who diets and exercises religiously. The second person is the one who eats and does what they want and prays they don't gain weight.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.