Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Confush*t Say...


Confush*t say...

…person who eat too much over the holiday need to quit cold turkey.
…person who employ low-carb diet is going against the grain.
…person who drinks too much coffee has a latte problems.
…person who succeeds in diet employs mind over platter.
…person who lives life as couch potato will likely raise tater tots.
…person who eats too many donuts dozen have a good diet plan.
…person who are butter lovers generally are not better lovers.
…person who eat too many French fries find weight ketchup to them.
…person who has successful weight-loss journey find it takes breadth away.
…person who doesn’t eat Jewish food might find it too Hasidic.
…person who drinks too many fancy coffee drinks may get brewed awakening on scale.
…person who always takes salt shaker and puts more on is salt-shaking moron.
…person who eats too much at Japanese restaurant might have sake weigh-in.
…person who drops a size in pants gives sighs of relief.
…person who doesn’t like bread overcooked might be black-toast intolerant
…person who mistakes a piece of sh*t for sausage finds day taking a turd for the wurst.

Confush*t believes there are two kinds of people in this world. The first person is the one who diets and exercises religiously. The second person is the one who eats and does what they want and prays they don't gain weight.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.


34 comments:

  1. I've managed to lose all my weight with a high-carb, high in bread diet. Okay, it's not so much as a diet as it is exercising and watching calories, but still.

    Low-carb diets = low energy.

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  2. hahaha that was great!

    I eat a breakfast super high in carbs and it does what my nutritionist said it would do: "knocks my f'n socks off!"

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  3. OK, you have outdone yourself now! LOVED IT & love the message as always! That last one brings a funny movie to my mind that I crack up at all the time.. it is in Caddyshack... I am sure you know what I am talking about! I am pretty sure it is caddyshack. I love that movie.. I know, stupid fun!

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  4. Trophy Husband loves it when I think to pet the sweaty stuff.

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  5. teehee that made me giggle - thanks!

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  6. Love it!
    That is just what I needed today!!

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  7. Is Confucious too old to apologize too?

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  8. "person who lives life as couch potato will likely raise tater tots"

    One of the things I'm most proud of is breaking the cycle. My son WILL grow up in a healthy, happy house.

    Great job Jack.

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  9. Funny!!! Great!!! Terrific!!! As always.

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  10. That was funny. Every time I come to your blog, I smile. Keep it up, please. And thanks.

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  11. These confush*t post are my favorite! :)

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  12. My fav funny post to date! Where do you come up with these things? lol

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  13. Great post. I am enjoying your blog man. Keep up the good work!

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  14. lol,
    I don't think I ever told you...but besides your morbidly obese couple post...these are my absolute favorites.
    turd for the worst. lmao

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  15. And:

    Person who thinks scales are for fish probably drinks like a fish.

    You are one wise Confush*t! Loved this.

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  16. LOL...you are hilarious! I love it! I needed this today!

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  17. So many clever ones! Thanks for the laugh.

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  18. thanks for making me laugh..again.

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  19. Must employ mind over platter. :)

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  20. You are so fabulous at this! Thanks for making my laugh today.

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  21. I would gladly quit turkey at this point...oh, that's not what you meant.

    Ah ha ha ha ha--"Takes breadth away..." I wish I'd named my blog that! I may have to steal that one some day...

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  22. I am curious about how your mind works...you think of the funniest things.

    Thanks for the great laughs!

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  23. I have a question for Confush*t

    Your wife is Anita, and your dog is Dip. Your Dad is Horace and your young daughter is Pisa.

    I read once you had a daughter who was 21, what is her name?

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  24. That was awesome! Especially the "mind over platter" bit.

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  25. Oh my gosh where do you come up with this stuff? It is hilarious! Is this what you spend part of your work day doing?... :)

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  26. LOVE IT! Man, how do you come up with this stuff?!

    Happy New Year to you!

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