Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ways Losing Weight is Like Poker


My buddy Sean at The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser dealt me an interesting challenge the other day: write a post detailing the similarities of poker and weight loss.

I’m a pretty good poker player, but I have what they call in the poker lingo a “tell”: I urinate wildly in my pants whenever I get a really good hand. I also have a bad habit of making my face cards talk to each other in a high, falsetto British accent (“Oh heeeeelloooo Miss Queenie, how is every little thing in Clubland?”) It’s just something I like to do to lighten the mood of the table and get everyone’s mind off the smell of urine in the air.

Anyways… let’s shuffle up and deal.
  • Both involve overweight people that are used to sitting around the table for way too long.
  • You feel a sense of sadness and regret when all your chips are gone.
  • It takes a lot of strategy in order to be successful.
  • It’s really embarrassing to bust out.
  • Along the way, you’ll find yourself swearing a great deal.
  • Sometimes good things are just not in the cards.
  • Some folks make it look easy.
  • Anyone can participate, but it definitely takes skill to be effective.
  • You have to know when to leave the table.
  • It's a good way to lose your shirt.
  • You learn quite a bit when you’re losing.
  • Every once in a while, you’re going to be dealt a bad beat.
  • It helps to think long term.
  • There are times when you simply need to up the ante.
  • Everyone thinks they know what they’re doing, but few actually do.
  • Nobody wants to quit when they’re losing.
  • It takes a lifetime to master.

36 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Had me absolutely rolling with your "tell." And the "Queenie." Awesome post my friend, incredible...I knew you would take that pitch and knock it completely out of the park.

    My best always,
    Sean

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  3. Interesting....very interesting...that's all I'm sayin'
    ;)

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  4. Funny post, but since I don't have twitter, I will use this space to guffaw at the vision of you in chaps at work! I only break those out for "special" occasions.

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  5. And it takes a life time to master! Ain't that the truth!

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  6. Feeling a sense of sadness and regret when all the chips are gone, gotta love it. Another great post!
    And I'm in the midst of potty training my 3 year old, so frankly I'm not sure the scent of urin in the air would distract me overly much. The falsetto voice in a British accent might though.

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  7. Love it..... "Some folks make it look easy" isn't that the truth? ....it does take a lifetime to master and we only have one so we need to make the Best of it. :)

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  8. I hope you don't play poker much. I'd feel sorry for your laundress.

    I have a question... since 70 lbs is looming - what's with the pickles? You're gonna make some, buy some, eat some, sell some, build a tree house with some ????

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  9. Truthfully, Amy, I didn't plan that far out when I made my goals. It seemed unattainable back then... geez, I wish I'd made it olives instead. I don't even like pickles that much.

    Oh well... it's too late to change now.

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  10. Gives "the flop" a whole new meaning....

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  11. Heeellloooooooo!!!! This made me really laugh...i dont play poker but sat with hubby in atlantic city while he played for what felt like EVAHHHH..and now I even know what a Bad Beat is!
    Fave one--You feel a sense of sadness and regret when all your chips are gone.
    you rock

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  12. Hilarious!! I may now take up poker as my new hobby. I want the "chips" in a nice, neat pile in front of me. NOT those, chips, you say. Well, then forget it.

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  13. I'm impressed as always *smile*.

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  14. Oh man, you had me laughing out loud from the "tell."

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  15. Seriously, I pee a little in my pants every time I read your funny posts. :)

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  16. Ha! The "Helloooooo" was my favorite, but clearly all around genius.

    I'm surprised some sort of joke involving a flush didn't make it's way into the list. This is, after all, supposed to be a sh*tty blog.

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  17. Heh. Losing weight IS like poker!

    I always want whatever's in the pot & I sometimes curse the hand I was dealt.

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  18. when the chips are down, i tend to break a sweat.....lol.:)

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  19. I thought you were kidding when you said you had a potty accident yesterday. Not sure they have PullUps for grown men ;)

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  20. It is a lifetime to master for sure!!!! Always changing strategies to keep up with it!

    Also, I always lose!!! Now, we all wish that were true in weight loss! :-)

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  21. haha. These are too funny, but true

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  22. I don't know much about poker, but this sounds about right! Bravo on another great post!

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  23. Bravo Jack!! Excellent post. I knew Sean was going to ask you to do this...I've been waiting for it....you definitely delivered....especially with the "tell" and British accents, lol.

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  24. As always, a great post. Heeeelllllloooo......gotta love that line!

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  25. Your blog is great. Thanks for your inspiration & humor. I've nominated you for a blog award...sorry it's so girlie-looking.

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  26. Well lookie what we have here...Very good my friend very good!! I love to play poker its what I'm getting ready to do right now as a matter of fact...Cant help but to love you!!

    BTW...Nothing personal on the #9 thing they werent in any order only #1 and #2...You know you are top of my list:-)

    My Best Jack
    Irene

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  27. I've never played poker. Good tips! LOL

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  28. Oh my word, will you play poker with me? No-one will play with me because my cards talk and they say that it ruins it!!!

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  29. Very Cool! Love to play and just won a game on family poker night at my house! :)

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  30. You know, "lol" is thrown around too loosely these days--people now use it even when they find something only mildly funny. But your posts literally make me laugh out loud! And that takes alot!

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  31. Here's my poker analogy:
    http://www.johnisfit.com/2007/08/15/losing-weight-is-like-playing-poker/

    It's all about focusing on good decisions...

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