Friday, June 26, 2009

I Am Even More Committed Than I Was Before

  • I am 10,000,000% committed.
  • If my commitment were represented as a bowling score, it would be 301.
  • My license plate reads “KAMMINT” (okay, the first nine I requested were already taken)
  • I am not only going to talk the talk and walk the walk, but I’m also going to balk the balk and chalk the chalk.
  • My level of commitment makes a celibate monk look like Hugh Hefner after a Viagra sandwich.
  • If you threw a golf ball into a bottomless hole and measured when it hit the ground, THAT times two would be close to my level of dedication.
  • The Obama administration strongly considered me to head up the Government Task Force on Commitment, but decided my insanely high commitment level would overshadow the commitment committee’s work and quite possibly cause a financial crisis.
  • Each morning, I begin the day with a staring contest with my reflection.
  • I no longer use the words “ ,” “ ” or “ - .”
  • I am Evil-Knievel-jumping-the-Snake-River committed.
  • I am Houdini-handcuffed-and-thrown-down-Niagara-Falls committed.
  • I am more committed to losing weight than a TV weatherman is to his Doppler Radar.
  • Every morning, I ratchet up my commitment one more notch.
  • I am to commitment what bacon is to the BLT.
  • They say “never say never”, but what I say is “Never say ‘never say never” (I may have lost my point on that one…)
  • If I wrote a hip-hop song, it would be called “Committed 2 My B*tches,” because 1) it needs to have a naughty word in the title in order for it to be successful and 2) it’s a love story.
  • If commitment could be represented as a color, I would be crimson-violet with a streak of teal.
  • Suicide bombers write to me all the time and ask “D*mn, how can I be as committed as you, brother?”
  • They say the finest steel must go through the hottest fire. I have been through Hell’s pizza oven. Twice.

29 comments:

  1. To quote Britney: "Look at you, gettin' more than just a re-up!"
    Jack Sh*t - you ARE the re-up!

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  2. 'I am to commitment what bacon is to the BLT.'

    This one brought a tear to my eye. Damn, that's commitment!

    I will not sex up this comment. I will not sex up this comment. I will NOT sex up this comment.

    I'm trying...

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  3. You are 2 times 2 legit to quit!
    Great post, as always! Thanks for the laugh this morning.

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  4. "Suicide bombers write to me all the time and ask “D*mn, how can I be as committed as you, brother?”"

    BEST.

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  5. So I guess you're pretty committed then? I need to be committed....to a mental institute.

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  6. I agree, you need to be committed, possibly in a different way than you are thinking, but committed for sure. :)

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  7. "The Obama administration strongly considered me to head up the Government Task Force on Commitment, but decided my insanely high commitment level would overshadow the commitment committee’s work and quite possibly cause a financial crisis."

    Hahahahahahahaha! I LOVE it!

    ~Wendy

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  8. That's probably one of the funniest blog post I've ever read!! Maybe you should BE committed with all that commitment going on! HA HA HA HA HA HA

    Good luck with your weight loss. I wish huge success for you!

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  9. Task force on commitment....good one. Way to work in the budget and suicide bombers. Great post. Mabye it should be Mr. Committ Geting Fit....no I like Jack Sh*t better!

    Thanks for the early morning laugh!

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  10. I think you could possibly have a staring contest with Chuch Norris now...and you could quite possibly win with this level of commitment.

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  11. That, my friend, is a lot of commitment!

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  12. "They say the finest steel must go through the hottest fire. I have been through Hell's pizza oven. Twice."

    Excaliber wouldn't have a chance.

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  13. Excalib(u)r because I know you notice :)

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  14. OMG. LMAO. I really needed a good laugh this morning. You're awesome.

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  15. You are my commitment hero, JackSh*t. And there is no WAY you are not going to make your goals.
    And you make me laugh until it hurts.

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  16. I've made a commitment to read everything you write.

    Laughed hard and deep. The really good full bodied kind of laugh. You're a must read everyday Mr. Sh*t.

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  17. Commitment to my bitches would be a hit fo sho!

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  18. That is quite committed... thanks for another funny post.

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  19. Psssst.... ever wonder if you should BE committed?

    LOLOL!!

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  20. HA HA HA! I love your posts.

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  21. Ha ha! Love it! I especially like the one about the Obama administration, and the suicide bombers. Now that's committed!

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  22. OMG, this may actually be the best list yet. I just love the rap song -- "It's a love story" I can't even type I am laughing so hard.

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  23. You are to commitment what Chuck Norris is to roundhouse kicking people's faces off.

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  24. The most common methods of getting rid of fat are not efficient. Starvation diets – those that require you to consume less than 1,000 calories per day – help you to lose weight, but much of what you lose will be water, some of it will be muscle and only a little bit of it will be fat. The problem with these diets is that you end flabby anyway and you’re still ashamed of your body in a bathing suit. And what is worse, you quickly gain the weight back.

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  25. Thanks, Care. I think that summed up what I was trying to say rather well.

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  26. LOL...I hope your level of commitment rubs off on me this week.

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  27. do we all have to BEG you to join the twitter world? PLEASE!!! lol

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  28. just found your blog through a friend.. I am now committed to daily reading you. AWESOME sh*t. thanks for helping me with my commitment.

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