Wednesday, August 8, 2012

How to Get Guys to Quit Hitting On You at the Gym

• Work out in a nun outfit.

• Hire a professional flirter to just stand there and talk to you the entire time so that no one else has chance to approach you (I charge $15 an hour, plus expenses).

• Pin your “Abstinence Contract” on your back.

• Most of the time, one taser shot to the groin will make a dude lose his interest in you.

• Refrain from doing the rowing machine topless.

• Repeat everything guy says to you in funny cartoon character voice.

• “I admire a man who isn’t afraid to hit on a mafia kingpin’s wife. Uh oh, is that Johnny ‘Bonecrusher’ Bottego over there?”

• Wear an astronaut helmet and tin-foil leg warmers.

• “What time is it? I have a rare disease that makes me vomit violently every 15 minutes.”

• Spin around the room carrying a 30-lb kettlebell.

• Exercise really, really hard so that your clothes are all sweaty. Ewwwwww!



  1. Are guys hitting on you???? :-)

    I smell so bad from sweating that even if I looked decent, it would keep them away! ;-)

    Congrats on the weight loss!

  2. Oh these are good! And we must not forget flatulence! Very effective. Also, lifting heavier weight than the men, that might be a turn-off. Bragging about your steroid use, I can go on. No? Ok then. Well, your rates are very affordable, I'll keep it in mind.
    ps-I'm more than a little concerned about the fellows who wouldn't be deterred from the taser shot to the groin.

  3. Um.. what if I want them to hit on me?

  4. I love this. I'm in love with this.

  5. When guys do it well, most women don't mind. It's when its obnoxious that they mind.

    How about wear the same clothes every time.

    Chew tobacco.

    Wear a "Promise Keeper" t-shirt.

  6. Um, hello, leaving crotch sweat on the machines is an obvious one. Or is that a turn on?

    Glad to see you're still at it Jack. And I bet you look better in the 240s than 200s. See, I told you ;)

  7. Workout in a nun outfit lol; loving it. But sometimes its good to get the attention :)



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