• Calculating your target heart rate is simple; just do this quick equation in your head: If 1/2x +1/2(1/2x + 1/2(1/2x +1/2(1/2x + ... = y, then x = ? (note: that’s not really your target heart rate; I just wanted to see your head explode).
• You don’t need to purchase an expensive water filter; simply spit out all the harmful stuff as you’re drinking.
• Taking ginseng every day will help your memory, but I haven’t figured out good way to remember to take it.
• Keeping a food journal is useful but kind of boring; how about keeping a food murder mystery?
• Reading labels at the grocery store is important; I was about to buy a bottle of Karo Corn Syrup but looked at the ingredients and saw that it has corn syrup in it. For shame!
• You can make your own hand sanitizer by using a sink and some soap, dumbass.
• Eating at home instead of going out will help in your weight loss efforts, mostly because of what a bad cook you are.
• Refrain from calling yourself names like “idiot,” “total failure” or “loser.” Use friendlier terms, such as “brain-challenged,” “pre-success lollygagger” or “underwinner.”
THE DAILY SCALEY
I don't like to think of it as a gain... more of a...
OKAY, IT'S A FREAKIN' GAIN. GET OFF MY BACK!
OKAY, IT'S A FREAKIN' GAIN. GET OFF MY BACK!
I figure anything after the decimal point is too insignificant to count. Call it 248, same as yesterday. As I see it, you broke even.
ReplyDelete"You can make your own sanitizer by using a sink and some soap" priceless Jackism (Ive thought the same thing myself)
ReplyDeleteDon't let these minor decimal points deter you or even 1 pound. The scale can go up & down sometimes depending on what we eat, lack of drinking fluids, sodium, rest & a lot of other factors including age. Honestly Jack, the older I get, the more the scale goes up & down for no reason or small reasons so just keep plugging along! :-)
ReplyDeleteTry measuring your arm's length. Then position your chair two inches farther away from your dining table than that.
ReplyDeleteIf that fails, try quantum physics...
Wise a$$
ReplyDelete