Tuesday, April 5, 2011

How to Make Kids Eat More Healthy

• Corn dogs aren’t very nutritious, but do you know what is? A dog made out of corn!

• Trick children into eating bananas by showing them how much your pet monkey enjoys eating them.

• Instead of chocolate milk, give them regular milk with brown food coloring.

• Some breakfast cereals, such as SugarBombs, have quite a bit of sugar.

• Never give an infant a baby bottle full of Mountain Dew; make it half Mountain Dew, half tap water.

• Get kids interested in gardening; after ten hours of working in the fields, they’ll be hungry enough to eat anything.

• Chop vegetables up into microscopic pieces and hide them in something they like, such as pudding.

• Let kids help in the kitchen. Hell… make kids cook dinner while you watch some TV.

• Spongebok Choypants.

• Kids learn from their parents, so it might help if you ate something besides macaroni-and-cheese three times a day.

• Tastes are developed even before your child is born, so try rubbing cottage cheese and English peas all over your belly.

• Trick kids into eating more veggies by smothering them with candy gravy.

• Next time your child says “I don’t like this,” try a little something like this: “Well, how would you like me to wear your ass out with my belt?” (That’s a tip from my father Horace, by the way).

• Give your children a Ring Pop every time they eat a bite of something healthy.

• Cut healthy food into fun shapes. No, not a trapezoid, for Pete’s sake! Sometimes I think you’re not even trying…

• Kids are smarter than we give them credit for; don’t tell them that broccoli gives them magic powers unless you can back that claim up.

• Tell your child the story of “The Little Boy Who Died From Not Eating Enough Veggies.”

• If nothing works, try getting some new kids.


  1. Loving these tips, especially the one about making the kids work in the field first. After ten hours of hard labour, those kids will eat anything!

  2. Oh my god, Spongebok Choypants. This might finally be the way to get my six year-old brother to eat some vegetables. Amazing.

  3. Giggling. You need more kids Jack? I have three to swap. (Cute. Manners of goats though. Only goats would eat more veggies....)

  4. Maybe half Mountain Dew, half vodka?
    Just askin.....

  5. Spongebok Choypants is probably the most awesome thing I've ever read. At least today. And it's only 9:47 a.m., so good thing the expectations are low. ;-)

    On a serious note, my parents were so lucky ... I was not a picky eater and loved my vegetables. And I didn't even have to work the fields! I'm forwarding this post on to them to prove just how wonderful of a child I am to them.

  6. Spongebok Choypants made me LOL too!

  7. I have a picky eater, and I started reading it thinking they were going to be real tips. So funny.

  8. Laughed at the banana one because when I was little, the way my parents got me to eat carrots was to pretend I was bugs bunny...didn't even use ranch dressing for a long time because he didn't!

  9. lol! The last line was so funny! Indeed all your suggestions are great! There is really a need to get kids to eat healthy foods especially in this technical era. In addition, I would suggest, being a parent you first follow health eating habits and thus you can become a role model to your kids! :)



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