Tuesday, April 5, 2011

How to Make Kids Eat More Healthy

• Corn dogs aren’t very nutritious, but do you know what is? A dog made out of corn!

• Trick children into eating bananas by showing them how much your pet monkey enjoys eating them.

• Instead of chocolate milk, give them regular milk with brown food coloring.

• Some breakfast cereals, such as SugarBombs, have quite a bit of sugar.

• Never give an infant a baby bottle full of Mountain Dew; make it half Mountain Dew, half tap water.

• Get kids interested in gardening; after ten hours of working in the fields, they’ll be hungry enough to eat anything.

• Chop vegetables up into microscopic pieces and hide them in something they like, such as pudding.

• Let kids help in the kitchen. Hell… make kids cook dinner while you watch some TV.

• Spongebok Choypants.

• Kids learn from their parents, so it might help if you ate something besides macaroni-and-cheese three times a day.

• Tastes are developed even before your child is born, so try rubbing cottage cheese and English peas all over your belly.

• Trick kids into eating more veggies by smothering them with candy gravy.

• Next time your child says “I don’t like this,” try a little something like this: “Well, how would you like me to wear your ass out with my belt?” (That’s a tip from my father Horace, by the way).

• Give your children a Ring Pop every time they eat a bite of something healthy.

• Cut healthy food into fun shapes. No, not a trapezoid, for Pete’s sake! Sometimes I think you’re not even trying…

• Kids are smarter than we give them credit for; don’t tell them that broccoli gives them magic powers unless you can back that claim up.

• Tell your child the story of “The Little Boy Who Died From Not Eating Enough Veggies.”

• If nothing works, try getting some new kids.


9 comments:

  1. Loving these tips, especially the one about making the kids work in the field first. After ten hours of hard labour, those kids will eat anything!

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  2. Oh my god, Spongebok Choypants. This might finally be the way to get my six year-old brother to eat some vegetables. Amazing.

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  3. Giggling. You need more kids Jack? I have three to swap. (Cute. Manners of goats though. Only goats would eat more veggies....)

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  4. Maybe half Mountain Dew, half vodka?
    Just askin.....

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  5. Spongebok Choypants is probably the most awesome thing I've ever read. At least today. And it's only 9:47 a.m., so good thing the expectations are low. ;-)

    On a serious note, my parents were so lucky ... I was not a picky eater and loved my vegetables. And I didn't even have to work the fields! I'm forwarding this post on to them to prove just how wonderful of a child I am to them.

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  6. Spongebok Choypants made me LOL too!

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  7. I have a picky eater, and I started reading it thinking they were going to be real tips. So funny.

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  8. Laughed at the banana one because when I was little, the way my parents got me to eat carrots was to pretend I was bugs bunny...didn't even use ranch dressing for a long time because he didn't!

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  9. lol! The last line was so funny! Indeed all your suggestions are great! There is really a need to get kids to eat healthy foods especially in this technical era. In addition, I would suggest, being a parent you first follow health eating habits and thus you can become a role model to your kids! :)

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