Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Last-Minute Weigh-in Tricks

• Praying to God for a good weigh-in is all well and good, but hedge your bets by also praying to Allah, Buddah, Satan, Zeus, Apotamkin and Oprah.

• Have a 10-pound bowel movement.

• Hop on when scale’s not looking.

• Squint your eyes when you look at the number.

• Don’t eat any black cat on your weigh-in day.

• Decide on the bare minimum number of teeth you need and have others yanked.

• There’s nothing in the Weight Watcher’s rulebook that says you can’t wear only body paint to your weigh-in. Oh yeah? Well, show me! Show me right now!

• You can easily turn your bathroom into a sauna by hiring a company that turns bathrooms into saunas.

• Don’t do anything that will cause water retention, such as eating salty food, working out right before your weigh-in or getting in a water balloon fight.

• Skip your pre-weigh-in snack.

• Dieticians and doctors won’t tell you this, but you can actually set your scale to give you a lower weight.

• Do you really need both of those heavy, heavy kidneys?

• Take off any tattoos before stepping on scale.

• If you can, levitate just a little at the exact moment of weigh-in.

• If you weigh in weekly, try eating less and exercising more for six-and-a-half days before your weigh-in.


13 comments:

  1. Exhale real hard before you leviate.
    It helps!

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  2. Ha ha! Thanks for the great laugh this morning!

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  3. Always follow the firs two...REALLY!

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  4. Hang on a minute i need to get a pen and pencil, i need to remember these for Sunday :)

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  5. I always try to think "light" thoughts :)

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  6. If you use the old timey scales, you can lean a tad to the left and you weigh less. =)

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  7. I like them all except for the last one. That one is just of dem der Urban Legends...

    Don't be so damn gullible Jack. Sheesh!

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  8. That's hilarious. I think I may have tried one or two of these myself! ;-)

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  9. And don;t foorget, clip your toe nails & fingernails, pick your nose, scour your ears...

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  10. It is always very important to keep your hair short. Having long hair can add multiple pounds to your daily weight.

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  11. Those are awesome suggestions .. I'll keep those in mind for this Friday during my weigh in.
    Luv, Nik

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  12. A 10-pound bowel movement? That's scary.

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  13. Everybody knows the *only* way to weigh in is first thing in the morning, after a visit to the toilet (don't forget that liquids have mass, too in addition to the 10# BM), buck-ass nekkid, while exhaling.

    Dry hair (mine holds 3-5# of water - I did the whole weigh before and after a shower thing), but post-leg shaving is good.

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