Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Last-Minute Weigh-in Tricks

• Praying to God for a good weigh-in is all well and good, but hedge your bets by also praying to Allah, Buddah, Satan, Zeus, Apotamkin and Oprah.

• Have a 10-pound bowel movement.

• Hop on when scale’s not looking.

• Squint your eyes when you look at the number.

• Don’t eat any black cat on your weigh-in day.

• Decide on the bare minimum number of teeth you need and have others yanked.

• There’s nothing in the Weight Watcher’s rulebook that says you can’t wear only body paint to your weigh-in. Oh yeah? Well, show me! Show me right now!

• You can easily turn your bathroom into a sauna by hiring a company that turns bathrooms into saunas.

• Don’t do anything that will cause water retention, such as eating salty food, working out right before your weigh-in or getting in a water balloon fight.

• Skip your pre-weigh-in snack.

• Dieticians and doctors won’t tell you this, but you can actually set your scale to give you a lower weight.

• Do you really need both of those heavy, heavy kidneys?

• Take off any tattoos before stepping on scale.

• If you can, levitate just a little at the exact moment of weigh-in.

• If you weigh in weekly, try eating less and exercising more for six-and-a-half days before your weigh-in.


  1. Exhale real hard before you leviate.
    It helps!

  2. Ha ha! Thanks for the great laugh this morning!

  3. Always follow the firs two...REALLY!

  4. Hang on a minute i need to get a pen and pencil, i need to remember these for Sunday :)

  5. I always try to think "light" thoughts :)

  6. If you use the old timey scales, you can lean a tad to the left and you weigh less. =)

  7. I like them all except for the last one. That one is just of dem der Urban Legends...

    Don't be so damn gullible Jack. Sheesh!

  8. That's hilarious. I think I may have tried one or two of these myself! ;-)

  9. And don;t foorget, clip your toe nails & fingernails, pick your nose, scour your ears...

  10. It is always very important to keep your hair short. Having long hair can add multiple pounds to your daily weight.

  11. Those are awesome suggestions .. I'll keep those in mind for this Friday during my weigh in.
    Luv, Nik

  12. A 10-pound bowel movement? That's scary.

  13. Everybody knows the *only* way to weigh in is first thing in the morning, after a visit to the toilet (don't forget that liquids have mass, too in addition to the 10# BM), buck-ass nekkid, while exhaling.

    Dry hair (mine holds 3-5# of water - I did the whole weigh before and after a shower thing), but post-leg shaving is good.



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