Friday, April 15, 2011

Maybe I’m Not Trying As Hard As I Thought

• Lately, I’ve been spending more on wine than on my mortgage.

• Little old lady at the gym asked to use barbells when I was done with them.


• My latest weight-loss manifesto included eleven references to Pop-Tarts.


• I ran a half- half- half- half- half- half- half-marathon.


• Instead of using scale, have started “guesstimating” my weight.


• Replaced 100 nightly sit-ups with trying to stuff 100 Oreo’s in mouth at one time.


• I’ve worn out my Lazy-Boy recliner.


• Last month, watched entire Netflix library.


• Yesterday, I counted watching a Bowflex commercial as my daily workout.


• Thought I was eating fat-free Greek yogurt, but turns out it was Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby.


• Starting driving down to end of driveway to get the morning paper.


• Daily journal just reads: “Blah blah blah blah blah.”


• Counted can of vanilla frosting as a serving of fruit.


• I’m bench-pressing same amount as my friend One-Armed Johnny.

4 comments:

  1. Good work on that 1/64th of a marathon next time though you should set a pr and do like an 1/8th ha!

    ReplyDelete
  2. great one Jack, but oh, so sad to see those pics of those kids in McD's - their parents want hanging, drawing AND quarter poundering......

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorry, I lost track of your whole post after I saw Oreos...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I got my pimp-hand up and ready, Jack. You wanna bitch-slap some scales with me? ;)

    ReplyDelete

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