Friday, January 7, 2011

Something Sounds Fishy About This...

I've been giving an extended trial run to the Philips DirectLife activity monitor, an amazing electronic gizmo that can be instrumental in your fitness goals so long as you don't keep putting it in the clothes dryer. The most amazing feature of the DirectLife device is that it comes complete with a lifeline to your own DirectLife personal coach who provides you with fantastic information (or computer viruses... I'm too scared to open email attachments) and encouragement as you make your way on your journey.

Hi Jack,

I hope that you have had wonderful new years celebrations and a fantastic time with family and friends over the holidays. I see that you were in touch with Erin and the support team over the holidays - I hope you do receive your new monitor soon and I look forward to working with you again!

Do you have any specific goals for 2011? Your weight target is now past the goal date - do you want to revisit this?



Dear DirectLife Coach Jen,

Let me tell you a story, the story of a little boy.

This little boy went up to his Grandpa Noah and said he really wanted some fish sticks.

“If I give you fish sticks, you’ll be happy for today,” said Grandpa Noah. “But tomorrow you’ll be hungry again.”

“So are you gonna teach me to fish, Grandpa?” I asked.

“Better than that,” the old man replied. “I’m going to buy you a fish restaurant.”

Well, the old man was true to his word and bought that little boy a Captain D’s franchise, and the boy got his fish sticks, plus he learned a valuable lesson about life and about how you can’t just give fish sticks away to all the customers and expect to turn the kind of profit that a fast-food franchise needs in order to stay in business.

The point of my story? Who the hell said my story was gonna have a point?

I guess I’m just trying to say that my goals haven’t changed, my commitment to building on what I’ve accomplished already hasn’t changed and my vow to become the most active man in the U.S. of A. sure as Hell hasn’t changed.

Stand back, DirectLife Coach Jen… because 2011 is gonna be the year the Jack Sh*t Express really gets rolling! WOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Happy New Year,




  1. Can you clarify the definition of "Most ACTIVE Man" please? ;) That could get someone into trouble!

  2. Ain't no stopping you now! Your on the move!

  3. Love it. Really... why do all stories HAVE to have a moral/point?!?!?! Vee at

  4. Whoooohooooooo! Jack Shit Express!!!!

  5. DirectLife Coach Jen has no idea what she's gotten herself into! Looking forward to following your journey to become the most active man in America. :)

  6. Well Jack, I finally made it. I have seen the title of your blog all over this great Internet of ours and I finally said, 'ALL RIGHT, ALREADY, I'M COMING!'
    Glad I did. Having dropped by for a peek, I've ended up reading 20 minutes worth and I must stop now. Must get dinner! What everyone keeps saying appears to be true - you're one of the good guys ;) Keep up the good work. I'll be back.

  7. a fish restaurant. lol.
    I love these parables with no discernible meaning. I think they could catch on.

  8. I bet all the DirectLife coaches draw straws for you. Who WOULDN'T want a piece of your enthusiasm and/or crazy wit?

  9. Go Jack Go!!! Love this post!!!



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