Subject #1 in the "Bodfather"
Witness Reduction Program: Kerensa
Starting weight: 254.8
Current weight: 248.6
Loss this month: .6 lbs.
Total Loss: 6.2 lbs
If you’re a JSGF newcomer, I’d sometimes referred to (by myself) as The Bodfather. A few months ago, I chose a quintet of folks that were interested in me chronicling their weight-loss adventures and have worked with them from afar to try to spark some makeover magic.
Kerensa was the first participant, a lovely bride-to-be who got off to a blistering start but had a tough go of it during the holidays.
So. I think I really have hit that brick wall. I feel like I don't know how to get back on track with this thing again, I actually caught myself wondering why I was doing this in the first place. In the back of my mind, I don't want to disappoint anyone, myself included.
I feel like having self-confidence is a double edged sword. It means that I am happy with myself, and so there are two different ways I can take that. I am not really sure what else to say, except that I am needing some help. Help to remember why I wanted to lose weight in the first place. Help to focus. Help to get charged back up.
I can see in the back of my mind this issue playing over and over again. It is like some sick re-run where I am happy with myself, so I lose my focus and let myself off plan. Things go okay for a while, because I know how to eat right, and after months of eating less, it takes a while for me to be eating as much as I did before I went back on plan. So I might not gain weight for a bit, but old habits tend to die hard. In the end of the terrible sitcom, I end up just as fat as before, and then some.
In some ways, I feel a bit distanced from the rest of the Bodfather group. I feel like I don't have the stamina that Billie does, or the reasons that Tom does. I have been doing this since August, and don't feel like I can tell the change. The scale says there is a 35 pound difference from where I started, but I don't necessarily feel it, or see it for that matter.
I feel like I am being a Debbie Downer. But I know when I need to ask for help, and this is that time.
You've just gone through the choppy waters of the holidays, and it's pretty natural to be second-guessing yourself.
Let me tell you a story (and if I were at home instead of a hotel room in St Louis, I'd sent along a photo to a accompany it): when I was getting married 25 years ago, my wife-to-be asked me to lose weight.
Really, it's been the only time she's ever made that request in all our years together. She was planning this beautiful wedding and asked me to try... Just try... to lose a little weight for the big day.
To this day, I don't know why I couldn't do it then, when it obviously meant so much to the person who meant more to me than anyone in the world. I didn't lose the weight, Kerensa. Actually, I gained some.
The wedding went on, but to this day, I cringe when I look at the pictures. I can't watch the video. I wish I could go back and do it over.
I guess that's why your "Bodfather" email stood out to me, K. I think I saw an opportunity to help someone with something I wasn't strong enough to do at the time. I want you to look back at those wedding photos and see the person you really want to see in them.
This isn't an easy undertaking you've taken on, but I believe you've got what it takes to make it happen. I can't force you to do what I want you to, but I'm here to tell you that all the effort and sacrifice will be worth it in the end. I could go on and on and on, but you know how it is with me and thumb-typing...