Wednesday, January 5, 2011

True Sh*t

Stirring cowboy music fills the room...
My name is Fattie Ross and I want to tell you a story, a story about poor choices and revenge, obesity and redemption.

It started with my pa, who was bed-ridden with diabetes and other obesity-related illnesses.

I went to town to hunt down the one man who I reckoned could help my pa... Blueben “Booster” Blogburn.

Luckily, I found him in the town's only building, the saloon/general store/pilates studio.

After laying out my poor daddy's situation, I asked Blogburn if he figured he could help.

“Tell me somethin', little girl.” “Does your pa have Internet access?” asked Blogburn, grittily.

“This is the Old West, dumbass,” I replied, and that... well, that was when all Hell broke loose.

“Pisa Sh*t!” said Jack. “How many times have I told you about using the "D" word.”


“Okay, we're gonna have to take this entire production from the top,” said my dad. “Cue the stirring cowboy music...”

“Wait a minute, Dad,” I said. “It's a brand new year and there are a bunch of people coming to this site for the first time. They're looking for a little help getting going on their weight-losing dealios.”

“Well, yeah, but...”

“You need to get back to providing useful information, helpful tips or just tell folks about how you lost all that weight.”

“Yeah,” my father exclaimed with that wild-eyed grin of his. “And I know just what we can call it...”

“Dad, please... don't...”

"True Sh*t!” he yelled, following it with a throaty yodel.

“Geez,”  I said under my breath. “What a dumbass...”


  1. LOVED that movie. True Grit, not so much True Sh*t. ;-)

    Have a good day. :)

  2. Holy crap, you guys have a saloon/general store/pilates studio? All we have locally is a tanning salon/liquor store/laundromat!

  3. this. I loved the old one with John Wayne...haven't seen the new one yet...soon! :)

  4. I hope Pisa gets paid well for her role in True Shit! And just because she's your daughter dont try and skimp on the Diva-fixins, ya hear?
    I said that grittily too :-D

  5. This "fictional" gritty town sounds a lot like the gold rush town I call home, Old Hangtown -- except our one building is the saloon/general store/tattoo parlor/coffee house/natural foods store/yoga sudio/town hall.

  6. Hehe

    I think you're right, it's going to be a case of planning snacks. Luckily it looks like a trip to the store is in the works tonight so I'll be able to stock up.

  7. You are such a fantastic writer. Where do you come up with all of this sh*t?

    Love your blog :-)

  8. Your imagination and writing is soooo fun!!! I love your posts.

  9. looking forward to more true sh*t

  10. I'm with Tricia... looking for more true sh*t!!

    Thanks Jack!



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