Friday, October 2, 2009

Weight Loss Songs for Little Children

I Know a Fat Lady Who Swallowed a Fry

I know a fat lady who swallowed a fry.
I don't know why she swallowed that fry.
Why won’t she try?

I know a fat lady who swallowed hard cider.
It splashed and sloshed and trickled inside her.
She swallowed the cider to wash down the fry.
I don't know why she swallowed that fry.
Why won’t she try?

I know a fat lady who chowed on some bread.
That’s what I said, she chowed on some bread.
She swallowed the bread to go with the cider,
That splashed and sloshed and trickled inside her.
She swallowed the cider to wash down the fry.
I don't know why she swallowed that fry.
Why won’t she try?

I know a fat lady who swallowed a cake,
Goodness sake, she downed a whole cake!
She swallowed the cake right after the bread.
She chowed on the bread to go with the cider,
That splashed and sloshed and trickled inside her.
She swallowed the cider to wash down the fry.
I don't know why she swallowed that fry.
Why won’t she try?

I know a fat lady who swallowed a hot dog.
My, what a hog, to woof down a dog!
She woofed down the dog to chase down the cake,
She took the cake after chowing on bread,
She chowed on the bread to go with the cider,
That splashed and sloshed and trickled inside her,
She swallowed the cider to wash down the fry.
I don't know why she swallowed that fry.
Why won’t she try?

I know a fat lady who swallowed a ham.
Didn’t give a damn, just crammed in that ham!
She crammed the ham like she woofed down the dog.
She woofed down the dog to chase down the cake.
She took the cake after chowing on bread.
She chowed on the bread to go with the cider,
That splashed and sloshed and trickled inside her.
She swallowed the cider to wash down the fry.
I don't know why she swallowed that fry.
Why won’t she try?

I know a fat lady who went on a binge.
It still makes me cringe how she went on that binge.
She went on the binge after cramming the ham.
She crammed the ham like she woofed down the dog.
She woofed down the dog to chase down the cake.
She took the cake after chowing on bread,
She chowed on the bread to go with the cider,
That splashed and sloshed and trickled inside her,
She swallowed the cider to wash down the fry.
I don't know why she swallowed that fry.
Why won’t she try?

I know a fat lady who asked herself “Why?”
I think she’ll try!

Old Fat Donald

Old Fat Donald had a pharm EIEI-OH
And at that pharm he bought some Lipovox EIEI-OH
With a side effect here, and a side effect there.
Here a wheeze, there a rash
Wheeze wheeze rash rash
Old Fat Donald had a pharm EIEI-OH

Do Your Chins Hang Low?

Do your chins hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Do you have a turkey neck?
Can you knead ‘em like bread dough?
Do they make you say “Oh dear-a!”
When you look into a mirror?
Do your chins hang low?

Do your sides hang wide?
Do they flap from side to side?
Does your belly kinda flop?
Do you have a muffin top?
One of the low-waisted types?
Do you look real bad in stripes?
Do your sides hang wide?

Is the weight coming down?
Have you quit messing around?
Are you starting to eat less?
Are you making good progress?
Are you starting to believe it,
That you really can achieve it?
Is the weight coming down?

I've Been Working on my Weight Loss

I've been workin' on my weight loss,
All the live long week.
I've been workin' on my weight loss,
Just to improve my physique.
Don't you see me up here blogging?
Posting up so early in the morn.
Don't you reads the comments saying,
"Jackie, blog some more?"

Jackie, won't you blog?
Jackie, won't you blog?
Jackie, won't you blog some more?
Jackie, won't you blog?
Jackie, won't you blog?
Jackie, won't you blog some more?

37 comments:

  1. lol ... my fav is the chins hang low one.

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  2. Yes, the chins hanging low really is dead on and I do have a turkey neck now and the floppy belly but at least I can have them both swing from side to side with some pride inside. Look I made a rhyme, oh boy lol. You come up with the most inventive stuff and keep amazing me. "Jackie, won't you blog some more" I think we will all say that always *smile*.

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  3. ROTFLMAO. Might as well just keep windex and a roll of paper towels on my desk if I'm going to keep reading your blog over my morning coffee.

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  4. Just had to comment on this one, Jack.
    Do you chins hang low - Wow!
    We ran cadence in the Army and sang
    "Do you boobs hangs low?..."
    Good mammaries - uh, er, memories!

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  5. LOVE this post. I was singing right along. Now i'm gonna have "I know an old lady who swallowed a fry" stuck in my head all day.

    Jack.. you are brilliant. BRILLIANT.

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  6. Do your chins hang low?
    Do they wobble to and fro?
    Do you have a turkey neck?
    Can you knead ‘em like bread dough?

    okay....gross and funny.
    That was fun, I think I am going to print off the "I know an old lady who swallowed a fry" and put it on the fridge.
    That should keep the ham out of my mouth. Good job.

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  7. Out of curiosity, have you replaced food with drugs?

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  8. LOL, you are hilarious... I too was singing the tunes! Great imagination Jack!

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  9. hehe, now I will be humming those ALL DAY.

    Thanks, Jack. I really mean it :D

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  10. Cramming the ham....sounds like Christmas!! LOL

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  11. I'm with Anne, it was always "Do Your Boobs Hang Low". The answer now is "YES". So now these songs are stuck in my head. Funny stuff, I have to admit.

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  12. Note to self: Do not read Jack's blog while drinking beverages or answering the phone.

    You never cease to amaze me man! Oh and look, you almost have 500 followers! 500!!! That is insane!

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  13. That verse about "Do your sides hang wide" had me rolling in the aisles, floppy belly and all! Thanks for a good belly laugh, Jack Sh*t!

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  14. katie j, i have a coffee stain on my wall to remind of that rule!

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  15. Mr. Shit head you always make me laugh.

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  16. I do believe my toddler will get new songs in his repertoire to take back to preschool Monday!

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  17. Jack Shit, you are genius. Pure Genius!

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  18. You're like Raffi or even better Roofi :)

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  19. OK, this was just way TOOOOOOOOOOO much! You are friggin crazy funny! Do you long to be a kid again with all those rhymes?? Oh, I forgot, you still are a kid!!! :-D

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  20. Oh no, I will be thinking up these all evening now!

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  21. Haha! My favorite was "Do Your Chins Hang Low?".

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  22. Hands down(or maybe "chins down"?) winner is Chins hang low! LMAO!
    Thanks!

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  23. yep me too. the chins are stuck in my head. thanks jack!

    genius. again. hilarious. as usual. tsk.

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  24. These are prety darned cute. I especially like I Know a Fat Lady Who Swallowed a Fry and Do Your Chins Hang Low? Nicely done!

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  25. fave line: I know a fat lady who swallowed a ham. Didn’t give a damn, just crammed in that ham!

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  26. FREAKIN' HYSTERICAL! I love "I know an old lady", especially because my daughter just learned it in pre-school!!!

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  27. My fav post ever.

    I am sooo glad I did not steal one of my kids' fries from Wendy's today. The guilt would be too much to bear: OMG I'm the Fat Lady Who Swallowed a Fry!

    I don't know why I didn't swallow that fry. I guess I'm starting to try!

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  28. There was an old lady who swallowed a fly is one of my ALL TIME FAVS! So much so that I just HAD TO YELL!!! :) Thanks for the smile Jack Shit! Also thanks for popping by the garden AND leaving a comment. That's class baby!

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  29. Lol, yes, my sides hang wide and flap from side to side...thanks for asking. :)

    Why do I continue to drink beverages while reading your posts at the same time? I just cannot believe I haven't fried my laptop yet with all the liquids that have been spewed onto the screen and ran down into the keyboard. Such a slow learner. :)

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  30. roflmao.....I don't care who you are, that there is funny stuff.

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  31. Jack... thanks for your comment. If I'm ever in your neighborhood, I'm lookin' you up. ;)

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  32. Thank you for a nice belly laugh...:-)

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  33. I can honestly say I've known a genius. Do you know how GOOD it would be if those songs worked their way into the SCHOOLS?! Maybe we could get to the kids before it's too late! Jack, go public, go national, go forth and perspire!

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  34. Absolutely hilarious. You need to get on youtube singing these songs with fat children in the background! I'd sing do your chins hang low? to my 4 year old nephew and I know he'd love it! LOL

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