Sunday, July 17, 2011

A Scalawag With A New Scale

Dishwasher not functioning, scale on the blink. Nothing in my house is working right. So I went out today and bought all new dishes... and a brand new scale. A smart scale. Perhaps a too-smart scale... supposedly it measures body fat percentage, body water percentage, muscle mass, bone mass and even features something called a Daily CaloriePredictor™. Hmmmm... it doesn't say whether or not it tells you your weight...

Okay, I've read this three times and I still can't figure out how this hot mess of electronics works.

 
Waitaminute... I just realized that the owner's manual isn't in English. Why do I continue to shop at Grande Juan Carlos' Casa dé Bargains?

Okay, well maybe we'll just fire this sucker up and just push buttons until I figure it out... except I need a 9-volt battery and we don't seem to have any of those little square mamba jambas in the battery drawer. Also, we don't seem to have a battery drawer...

Luckily, I know where my wife Anita hides the 9-volt batteries...

There we go... this thing doesn't even need a battery. It apparently is just a device that emits an ear-piercing noise every time I cook...

You know, I read somewhere that a 9-volt battery contains roughly the same amount of kinetic energy as a bowl of Lucky Charms, but I'm not sure I believe that.

Okay, give me a week to figure this bad boy out and we'll be back in the game! And I'll have an update on my bone mass numbers!


8 comments:

  1. I once had a pediatric heart patient
    who somehow tricked me into licking a 9 volt battery.
    Shocked the sh*t right out of me!
    Fun times!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the Sunday LOLs. You may want to replace the battery in the smoke detector before your wife finds out. Just saying! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. New dishes? You're so fancy. I just use my fingers and eat out of the pan.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The dishwasher is not working, so you bought new dishes. Classic!

    I hope you figure it out and please replace the battery in the smoke detector. Thank you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Hmmmm... it doesn't say whether or not it tells you your weight..."

    A scale with all sorts of bells and whistles except for the annoying display of poundage? OMG, where can I get one? :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Jack, I love getting new scales. Always marks a new beginning for me. I featured you in my newsletter this week because I find your WIDTH so sh*t kickin' cool. stop by and check it out. Mary

    ReplyDelete
  7. Water weight...does it also tell you what stocks to invest in and what food you ate last night?

    ReplyDelete
  8. :-D I don't like to clean so I just buy new stuff when it is dirty!! Just kidding! ;-)

    ReplyDelete

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