Wednesday, July 27, 2011
I’m always leaving water bottles at the gym, so I was delighted to pick up a lost bottle. There was some writing on the side, so I rubbed it with my sweat towel to see if I could read it.
Suddenly, a strange figure materialized from a cloud of smoke that emitted from the bottle.
“Greetings!” spoke the enormous figure, stroking a magnificent goatee. “I am Gene from the bottle.”
“I thought it was “genie,” I remarked.
“I’m a boy, dumbass,” intoned the imposing figure, a stern expression on his face. “I can grant you one wish as payment for releasing me from my eternal imprisonment.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I answered. “I thought I get three wishes.”
“What can I say?” frowned Gene. “This economy is affecting us all…”
“Okay,” I muttered. “One wish… one wish…”
“C’mon, already,” whined Gene. “I’ve got a reservation at Alli Baba Ganoush and the 40 Pitas.
“There’s so many things I could wish for,” I frowned. “A magic scale that never shows a gain, pants that never get tight, magic donuts that burn calories, running shoes that actually do the running for you…”
“I may be immortal, but I don’t have all day,” growled Gene.
“I wish… I wish…,” I said. “I wish I could think of something really good. Oh wait… I’ve got it.”
“Your wish has been granted!”
“Wait!” I shrieked. “I was gonna wish for an unlimited supply of wishes…”
The genie had already disappeared, but as I stood there in the empty gym, a smile crossed my lips.
“Hey, free water bottle!”