Wednesday, July 27, 2011


So, I was trying out this new gym in town called “Persia-nal Trainers,” when I notice something golden glittering behind the stationary bikes.

I’m always leaving water bottles at the gym, so I was delighted to pick up a lost bottle. There was some writing on the side, so I rubbed it with my sweat towel to see if I could read it.

Suddenly, a strange figure materialized from a cloud of smoke that emitted from the bottle.

“Greetings!” spoke the enormous figure, stroking a magnificent goatee. “I am Gene from the bottle.”

“I thought it was “genie,” I remarked.

“I’m a boy, dumbass,” intoned the imposing figure, a stern expression on his face. “I can grant you one wish as payment for releasing me from my eternal imprisonment.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I answered. “I thought I get three wishes.”

“What can I say?” frowned Gene. “This economy is affecting us all…”

“Okay,” I muttered. “One wish… one wish…”

“C’mon, already,” whined Gene. “I’ve got a reservation at Alli Baba Ganoush and the 40 Pitas.

“There’s so many things I could wish for,” I frowned. “A magic scale that never shows a gain, pants that never get tight, magic donuts that burn calories, running shoes that actually do the running for you…”

“I may be immortal, but I don’t have all day,” growled Gene.

“I wish… I wish…,” I said. “I wish I could think of something really good. Oh wait… I’ve got it.”

“Your wish has been granted!”

“Wait!” I shrieked. “I was gonna wish for an unlimited supply of wishes…”

The genie had already disappeared, but as I stood there in the empty gym, a smile crossed my lips.

“Hey, free water bottle!”


  1. Good stuff, my man. Good good stuff. Although you've gotta think Gene's gonna come back for his house at some point right?

  2. I hope you washed the bottle first. If he was living in there, he must have been peeing in there...

  3. You crack me up. Where do you come up with this stuff??



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